For the last time, we're not lost!
by SoFrost
Summary: They're not lost in the middle of the desert...they're not... C/S
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I still don't owe anything but those words.

**Hey everyone...Ok, this is not the new story I'm working on, but I had a block and scuby gave an assignement which was supposed to be a one shot...but mojo decided otherwise...so I don't know how to write a one shot...sue me. **

**It's a C/S, so if you don't like, don't read.**

**Enjoy**

**So ;)**

**ps: **scuby,** thanks for helping me out and giving me back my flow. ;)**

**Sorry everyone I keep reposting the chap and I'm doing it awkwardly. There's no chap 2 yet...I'm still writing it. :P**

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**For the last time, we're not lost!**

**By SoFrost**

"For the last time, we're not lost," Sara exclaims for the fourth time with a growl of exasperation.

I snort, she's got to be kidding. I know she's stubborn but at some point, one should be able to recognize their mistakes. We've been circling around in the middle of nowhere Nevada for the past hour and a half. Yet Sara is adamant on telling that we're not lost.

"Yeah, let me guess you're enjoying the landscape so much that you can't bring yourself to go back home?" I say with evident sarcasm.

"You're overreacting, okay, we're just…a bit off the road…" she explains.

"What road, Sara? We left it more than an hour ago!"

"Listen, I need to focus okay, and I can't do that if you go hysterical on me," Sara replies firmly.

"We are lost."

"We are…"

"Somewhere, in the middle of nowhere, close to everywhere and anywhere, Nevada, USA, Earth... the GPS is down…"

"And thanks to your thoughtfulness we don't have any map…"

"Hey, I told you I didn't think I'd need a map since I have the GPS!"

"And now you know why you can't always rely on technology…"

"You got us lost, Sara! Not the technology!"

"I follow the path we had taken to go the scene, I must have missed a turn at some tree…they all look alike!" she hits the wheel with the palm of her hand. "Look, you're not helping!"

"We are lost," I repeat pettily.

"We are not lost!"

"Oh yeah, and what do you call making circles and circles in the middle of the desert?

"Crop circle," she says flatly. Is she taking a piss at me? "I'm making crop circles, the geek in me decided to come out and play and now I'm trying to communicate with the 'outside'," she uses that voice that irritates me.

"Really spiritual, and helpful. You know what? If you're not…whatever..." I sigh with a growl, this is pointless. "Stop the car," I ask her bluntly.

"What?"

"Stop the car," I repeat, she complies and as soon as we come to a halt I step out of the vehicle.

"Wait, where are you going?" she asks.

"I'm going to try to contact the mothership!" I wave my cell phone at her an answer sharply with an unpleasant tone. She winces at me as if to say 'bite me'.

Great. Just freaking great.

This day was getting worse each passing hour. First we're called to the middle of the desert in an area almost inaccessible just to find a body – I'll give the killer that much credit, he chose a very good location to dump the body, and now we're lost. Lost!

I don't see how this day could get any worse right now…oh wait I spoke too fast, we don't have any signal here, freaking brilliant.

Why did I have to answer my damn phone? It was my day off, I didn't have to answer it. I should be in a hot bubble bath right now.

Good idea Willows, very good idea!

After another twenty minutes walking around with my cell phone in the air I return to the car where Sara is still sitting behind the wheel.

"There's no freaking signal," I state the obvious.

"I figured. The radio doesn't seem to work either," she says as she touches the monitor, to find an opened frequency. "Dispatch, this is Delta Charlie, answer…" she speaks clearly on the radio. We're met with nothing but metallic sputtering. "Dispatch, this is Delta Charlie, this is a request for directions…"

Sara sighs and plays with the frequency of the monitor once again. "Dispatch, this is Delta Charlie, this is a request for directions…" Sara repeats.

"This has got to be a joke," I exclaim. "We have no means to get out of here by ourselves and no means to call for back up…we are…"

"Don't…" Sara cuts me off. "We're going to find our way, first we have to think and try to remember where we came from and where to go from here."

"Easy," I snort, but Sara doesn't bother to answer.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. I scrutinize her, noticing the frown on her brow indicating high focus, I notice how her lips move as she's muttering inaudibly to herself. I'll deny it even at gunpoint but this is one of my guilty pleasures. I don't know why but I find Sara's little habits and peculiarities fascinating. There's this intensity in everything she does that is kind of…electric.

She opens her eyes again and reaches in her pocket for paper and pen. She starts to scribble something, she must sense that I'm about to interject something because she shakes her head with a hushing sound. I just roll my eyes and lean back against my seat.

"Okay, there you go," she hands me the paper. I look at it and try to understand what she wrote.

"L1, R500, L2, L10, S20…" I trail off. "Are we playing battleship now?"

"This is approximately the directions I took for the past 2 hours. Left, 1 mile, right 500 yards and so on."

"So if I follow your line of thoughts, if I give those from the end we could actually drive back to where we were two hours ago," I provide.

"In theory."

"In theory? Sara how…"

"Do you have a better idea?" she asks me sharply. "All you've been doing so far is whining and taking it out on me. Luck is playing against us, we have no cell signal, no radio, no GPS _and _no map, I'm trying to find a solution here so unless you have a better idea, we'll have to try at least this one."

I hate to admit it but she's right. Fine, I've been a whiny pain in the ass so far, but I hate being helpless, I hate the fact that we're lost and I hate the fact that everything that could help us is actually out of reach. I sigh. "All right, turn around and go straight for about 2 miles."

She complies without sparing a glance at me.

Forty minutes later I don't feel like we have made any more progress in finding our way around than before. Sara's memory was good but not good enough, she has started second guessing herself five minutes ago so we're at a stand still.

Sara is holding her head in her hands and cursing under her breath. The sun is about to set and we are still in the middle of nowhere. "Look, I'm going to check if we can get a signal, in the meantime, just…try to focus okay."

I leave the car for the second time waving my cell phone in the air in all directions. I'm taking careful and slow step, my eyes staring at my cell screen with rapture attention as if staring at it will make the little blue bars appear. My footing is unsteady since I'm not looking where I'm going.

According to my phone I've been looking for a signal for at least twenty minutes. I should probably give up but night is approaching fast and the idea of spending the night here isn't appealing whatsoever. I'm about to put my left foot down when two gunshots ring out, I startle and turn away instinctively.

When I look up I find Sara staring at the ground with her smoking gun still half raised.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I shout at her. "Are you out of your fucking mind?!" I can't help the tremor going through my body as adrenaline is still running in my veins.

"I'd take out the as big as a pain in the ass as you are, I don't want to have to deal with your whiny ass while you're dying from a snakebite," she nods in direction to where I was standing just seconds ago. A big rattle snake is now lying dead on the ground. "Sorry, if I scared you," she says as an after thought. _If _she scared me? Is that a joke?

I take a few deep breaths to calm myself a bit and look at her with fury. "Fuck off, you psycho," is my muttered response as I pass her by with angry steps.

"A 'thank you' would have done it," she snorts. "So much for looking after you," I hear her say before slamming the door of the passenger side shut.

Looking after me? How the fuck could she do such a thing, shooting at me within such a short distance? And with no warning on top of that?! And she dares asking if she scared me? I'll shoot at her feet by surprise next time and see how she feels.

My heart is beating erratically and unsteadily. The more I try to compose myself, the shakier my hands get. Adrenaline is slowly crashing down and I can feel cold sweat all over my body. Sara has the decency to give me a few minutes on my own, she sits on the hood of the car with her back facing me.

I can't believe she just shot at me. Okay, fine she didn't shoot at me but still that snake was less than five feet away from me. A fucking bullet could have touch me or hell a ricochet could have. That was so…stupid and dangerous and…I can't believe her!

I know I should be grateful that she cared enough to watch my back, maybe later I'll be able to see this side of the story.

I'm really annoyed with myself right now because for some odd reasons I can't help to think that she was…well hot holding that gun, her frown and her intense focus at the threat – as small as this one was, and the fact that she got that snake from the distance. I hate to admit it but seeing her like this elicit quite an inappropriate reaction in me regarding to the fact she almost shot me, I suppose that adrenaline can be quite an aphrodisiac. I got to give her that she's hot and sexy with a gun, her body all…

Uh hello!! She could have killed me, not her… bad ass attitude even though it's a turn on.

I hear the driver door being open, Sara gets in silently before closing the door. She stares ahead of her. She sighs. "We are lost."

"Wow, your observation skills floor me, you should be the head of the lab, seriously. I mean it only took you…" I glance at my watch. "About five hours to admit it, not bad."

She doesn't answer and just expels her breath calmly. She puts her hands on the ignition and brings the motor to life. "What now?" I ask her.

"We're going to make a straight line from this point, hoping it will lead us somewhere," her voice is emotionless.

We barely make 20 metres before she starts to slow down. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything."

My next reply is swallowed by the motor obviously making a sound that it shouldn't make. Sara turns to me. "When is the last time you filled the tank?"

"This can't be, I made a refill yesterday," I tell her irritated at her insinuation.

"Are you sure? Because we're currently out of gas…"

"Look at the gauge, it indicates that the tank is half full, so it must be something else. You're the car freak, why don't you try to figure it out before accusing me."

"Catherine, this…" she turns the ignition on but all the motor seems to do is coughing. "…is the sound of a car whose gas tank is empty," she states with her annoying voice which makes me feel like I was particularly slow.

"But the gauge says…"

"The gauge is obviously broken," she sighs "Which would mean that you probably didn't fill the tank completely two days ago."

"Please tell me this is not happening," I whisper before hitting the back of my sit with my head.

We're lost without any means of communication, any means to get direction and now we don't even have a car.

This has to be the most rotten day I've ever had.

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**Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone, thanks for the feedback it always make my day :). Here's chap two!**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**ps: **scuby** thank you as always ;)**

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Chapter 2**

"What now?" I ask sharply.

"We wait for someone to realize that we're missing," she says. That would be the most sensitive thing to do, but then again when is this going to happen. "Shit…I have my night off tomorrow and everyone knows I started early today."

"I took my night off too…" I'm supposed to go out with one of Nancy's friends, poor dude thinks it's a date while I see it as a punishment. I owe one so I couldn't say no, I guess getting stuck in the desert doesn't sound so bad now.

"Great…" Sara snorts sarcastically. Then her eyes sparkle again. "Lindsey, she'll notice you're not here."

"No, she won't," she turns to me with a puzzled expression. "She's away on vacation with my mother."

Sara opens her mouth to say something and then just sighs. She takes a look at her watch and then opens the door to get out of the car. I exit as well as I see her walking away. "Wait, what are you doing?"

"We have two hours left before night, we should walk at least one hour to see if there's something, a road, a path, whatever. I'm not going to stay here doing nothing."

"I'm not going to walk in the desert when we don't know where we go!"

"Fine, you stay here, I walk. I'll be gone an hour and I'll come back in the same time if I don't find anything. Or if I'm lucky I'll come back with help."

"I think the sun is hitting your head really hard. Do you realize how stupid that idea is?"

"We have to do something Catherine! Do you understand that it will probably take about 48h before anyone starts to think that something wrong has happened? I'm not going to wait in the desert all that time!"

"I know that, alright! Listen, we're going to wait in the truck until tomorrow morning then we'll walk all you want," I try to argue.

"Like I said, you stay here, I walk."

I move around the car to cut her way. "You're not going anywhere, leaving me in the middle of nowhere."

"Then come with me. Let's not lose time, we have 2 hours. We go for an hour and if we don't find anything we start to head back….we…"

"We're staying here for the night," I say firmly.

"I'm not spending the night in the desert, let me through," she orders me as I keep blocking her way. "Catherine, let me through," she's getting frustrated with each passing second.

"No."

"Catherine," she growls. I've never seen Sara so on the edge before and some of our fights were really heated. Only, this time there's something that is scaring me a little.

"I'm not letting you go."

"Move. Out. Of. My. Way," she growls between her teeth. I stand my ground staring at her. I don't anticipate her next move though, she puts her hands on my shoulders and physically moves me away on a rather firm way. I'm over my surprise quickly, I act on pure instinct and grab her right hand as she passes me by. Before she has time to turn around and ask what the hell I'm doing, the clear sound of metal cuts her off. In less than two second I've bound our two wrists together.

She turns around quickly and rises her hand up – taking mine along in the motion, looking at it with big eyes, I take it she doesn't like her new bracelet. "WHAT THE FUCK??" she shouts.

I square my shoulder and smile at her. "I guess you'll be staying with me then."

"Uncuff me!"

I just snort before turning around and trying to take a step toward the car. She pulls on both our wrists making me turn around again. "Uncuff me, Catherine!" she says more angrily. I stare at her with defiance "Now!"

"Or what?" I dare her with a low voice.

She grabs the wrist that is chained with hers and starts to hold it tightly. I wince but don't voice the pain. "Uncuff. Me."

"Do it yourself."

As soon as the words leave my mouth I can see that she will do everything to get free. I reach in my pocket and close my fist on a precious piece of metal before taking it out of my pocket again.

"Give me that key," she orders trying to take hold on my hand but I manage to keep it out of her reach.

"No."

"Give me that key."

"No."

"Catherine! Give me that key!"

We struggle but I always manage to keep my hand out of her reach. Suddenly she put her cuffed wrist behind her back effectively pulling me to her before trying to reach behind my back and trying to get my other hand. Our bodies are moulding against one another and I wasn't prepared for the sizzling sensation such proximity with her would elicit. This has to be the most physical contact we've ever had. My pulse is racing and I can feel my body betraying me as if an electric charge was coursing through me. I writhe and wiggle in her arms, moving against her body. There's something about this embrace that is wrong and yet magnetic, something oddly intimate and yet dangerous.

The embrace tightens and loosens, I feel each muscles of Sara contracting in spite of the layers of clothes. Her expression is hard and her eyes are a deep shade of brown. The more I move against her, the more I'm aware of the reaction of my own body. I feel like I had fever, like I was high, the pace of my heart is definitely not healthy. The violence of this embrace – as latent as it is, reveals a tension, raw, wild.

All moves stop, our faces inches away from one another, sharing the same air, staring at each other with something…feral and untamed.

I'm almost afraid to see this strange force between us being released, afraid of the consequences.

"Give me that fucking key," she whispers in a sharp breath.

"No."

This time she becomes a bit more aggressive and I can feel that I'm losing the battle. I escape her hand once more and in one swift movement I throw the object in my hand away. Sara follows my gesture with horror. The tiny metallic sounds echoes in the desert with the impact of a nuclear bomb.

"You want the key, then follow the fly path," I spit at her.

She grabs my shoulders and shakes me senseless. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" she let's me go and passes her free hand in her hair. "Fuck!!" she screams to the sky. She starts to walk toward the desert dragging me behind but I resist. "You better move your ass right now and help me to find the key," she looks at me with fury.

"We're going to go back to the truck."

"And stay chained to you indefinitely? No thank you! So now move and help me finding the key."

I can see that she's in no mood to listen so I follow her. I let her look around and just make sure not to go too far away from her so the handcuff won't hurt my wrist.

"Now is time to get in the truck," I state after over two hours of fruitless search. Darkness is surrounding us now and I'd rather be inside the truck than out in the chilly night. The desert is a sneaky force of nature and if the heat of the midday sun is unforgiving, the cold from the night is just as bad.

"We need to find that key," Sara says still looking at the ground.

The pale light of the full moon is giving to the desert a surreal and eerie appearance. It sends shivers to my spine.

"It won't move Sara, let's get back in."

"Let's look some more…"

"Sara, it's dark and cold out there."

"Twenty minutes, okay?" her tone doesn't leave room for argument. She's still seething form earlier so I've decided not to push her buttons any further, she'll get over it eventually.

While she's looking around, focusing all her attention on the ground, I look at her. I really don't know what the thing about her is but she really fascinates me. Call it infatuation, crush, lust or whatever you want, but I can't help it.

She's like a wild animal, a wild stallion. She has this dark, electric thing, way beyond beauty, something that just leaves you speechless in awe. She seems close and untouchable at the same time. No matter how much you think you figured things out she'll always reduce your assumptions to a pile of ashes, because she's ultimately unpredictable and that's what fascinates me.

I won't deny that this fascination might elicit strange and unexpected reactions on my part, but I like this side of our 'relationship', like walking on an unknown territory.

Fine, this fascination mingles with fantasies too but…

"I need some loose Catherine," she says harshly. She's two steps away from me which is already too much considering the handcuffs. "Catherine!"

I'm not moving all my senses in overload. "I heard some noise," I say in a whisper.

"I didn't hear anything…ah-ah!" she exclaims and I revert my attention on her. "Damn it! It's a fucking bolt! Arrgh! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" she says frustrated before sending the bolt away with force. "I swear Catherine that I…"

"Shut up," I tell her sharply. This time I'm sure it's not my imagination playing tricks on me. There's something near us and I have a gut feeling that it's no good.

"Hey, I might…" this time the noise is loud enough for her to shut her mouth in the instant. She turns her head in direction of the noise. "We need to walk slowly back to the car," she whispers.

We start to close the distance to the car with careful steps, but the sensation that something or someone is watching us is still there. When we are about twenty feet away from the car a cloud covers the moon, killing the crystal and pale light the moon was offering. There's a low growl resounding loudly in the dead of night.

"It's a coyote…" I say quickly. Adrenaline as already kicked in, fear is in the pit of my stomach, my body is all pumped up and ready to put up a fight.

"Not just one, it's a wolf pack," Sara corrects me.

In the dim light I can make out at least 5 pairs of golden eyes at the distance, small shadows slowly surround us. A symphony of aggressive growls begins as if they were daring us to go anywhere.

"How far are you from the car?" Sara asks me, her eyes focus on the threats in front of us.

"About ten steps from the back door," I reply after sparing a quick glance behind me.

"Alright, start to step back then, slowly."

I obey but after the third step the coyotes get closer to us starting to growl louder. I stop my progression and then it's like in a western movie, us staring at the coyotes and them waiting for us to make a move, to give them the signal to attack us. My blood is beating in my ears, my breathing is shallow.

Sara and I are both holding our breath. "Ready?" Sara asks.

"On your go."

Unconsciously, our chained hands entwine with one another. I feel her squeezing my hand briefly. I hear her taking a big breath. "Now!"

As soon as we bolt the coyotes start to run toward us. I open the door and jump on the back seat, Sara jumps in after me, closing the door two seconds before the coyotes start to howl at the door and scratch the car.

I close the doors – not so much for the coyotes than for us in case we'd open them without noticing.

Sara is lying on me and we are both wriggling, still focus on the threat outside. We can hear the animals circling the car and getting agitated. Sara pushes herself up and reaches for the consol. She hits the horn several times until the noise outside stops.

We're holding our breath, pricking up our ears.

"They're gone?" I ask her after a whole minute of silence.

"I think…" before she finishes her statement the two coyotes jump to the window; scaring the hell out of us. Sara horns again and turns on the headlights.

It's another five minutes before the coyotes give up for good. Sara tries to come back on the back sit but her moves are awkward – the cuffed hands not helping – and she falls on top of me, again. We both try to untangle our bodies but we lack coordination. For the second time our faces are inches apart, tension is palpable, the warmth of our mingled breaths tingling our lips. She's staring at me with defiance and a mix of something darker and more intense something that is begging to be let loose between us; and it would appear that I'm not the only one being aware of it.

She breaks the eye contact and manages to sit up forcing me to follow her lead. We're both looking away as if to silently deny the previous intimacy. She moves in the front seat forcing me to strain my arm forward. "Hey! Watch it!" I exclaim.

I don't know if she's doing it just to bother me or not but she starts pulling her wrist even further. "Damn it! You're hurting me!" I say between my teeth. We start to pull on the handcuffs in all senses, trying to find a comfortable position, but that can't happen unless we're at the same level. Eventually she gives up on her stubbornness and comes back on the back seat. There's as much distance between us as the large seat would allow.

She sighs heavily "Let's handcuff each other and throw the key away…what a freaking brilliant idea Einstein!" she explodes which only pisses me off.

"Well if you hadn't been so stupid about going away, we'd be free," I state with venom. We're staring at each other and we both know what's coming: screaming contest. It's not about listening to the other it's about shouting and bitching more that the other in order to have the last word.

"Sorry for trying to get us out of here!"

"You should be sorry, you're the one who got us lost in the first place!" I shout back

"If you had been smart enough to actually have a map we'd be home! Or maybe if you actually took care of your damn car we wouldn't be out of gas!"

"That's it! I have had it with you and your attitude, you get us lost and then you try to leave me here…"

"I was just going to go look for help!"

"We are lost! Do you get that? We can afford being apart because we're the only one to have each other's back!"

"And how are we supposed to do that now that you cuffed us together, you genius! Those coyotes could have hurt us!"

"If you weren't so stubborn…"

"Oh I am stubborn? This is fucking rich! You're…"

And thus words fly in all direction, thrown away in burst of voices, anger and frustration, pulling on each other's collar – and in that case cuffed hand, waiting for the first sign of weakness to give the last stroke.

After five long minutes of incoherent fight we're both panting in our corner – a small breather before getting on each other's throat again.

"This is going nowhere fast," she states.

"You're right," and even though we both agree on this the tension is still there, we're not letting our guard down – that would be a mistake. "You know what? I blame Grissom for all this. He sent you there because he forgot his conference and he called me on my day off to go with you."

"Yeah, let's blame it on Grissom," Sara nods.

I'm pursing my lips hard not to let out another sound but it burns the tip of my tongue too much. "…That and the fact that you were too proud to ask them for direction before we left the crime scene…"

"Jeez! I can't believe you! You're the one who…"

And here we go again.

We're so used to fight that I think it has become a game between us, just to see how far we could and would go and to push the other's button. Add to that the fact that when we fight all that intensity pours out from her, making her even more magnetic.

"You are so frustrating, sometimes I want to…" she strangles my imaginary throat in the air. "I swear you…" she purses her lips with a growl, before kicking the front seat. If I wasn't so angry I might be amused by her lack of vocabulary.

Nothing, absolutely nothing prepares me to what happens next.

I'm already gripping her firmly not to let the sensation of speeding vertigo swallowing me, all my body responding to her, when I realize that she has grabbed my head firmly to crash her lips against mine. Another battle is engaged between our lips and our tongues. I feel like there were a thousand jackhammers pounding in my ribcage, and electric fire is teasing every cell of my skin.

My mind can't wrap itself around the moans, the hasty breathing, the free hands migrating on the bodies – brand new territories to explore, the warm patch of skin as other skin makes contact…

I'm slowly getting aware that her mouth is on my neck and that I'm holding her in place.

That's definitely tenfold more intense than in any fantasies I could have had. We should have done this way back, it's extremely and obscenely good.

I whimper as she fines one of my weak spots, my hand is in the jungle of her hair. I can feel her hand tracing the curves of my ass pulling me to her. I'm slipping my free hand behind her collar feeling the top of her back.

I open my eyes at the first burns of withdrawal. Sara's looking at me with a frown, her swollen lips being the only sign of what just took place. I'm about to ask her what's going on when I register where her hand is – right on my back pocket. She narrows her eyes before fishing the little key out of my jeans.

I sigh and close my eyes. Fuck.

"You know, I dream of a day where you stop fucking up with me," she snorts with a disgust shake of her head before disentangling herself from me and sitting up. She pulls her wrist to her in a harsh movement and I wince. She uncuffs herself and silently retreats on the front seat. I uncuff myself as well and mimic her as I rub my wrist to erase some of the burning pain.

"I can't believe you really thought I'd be crazy enough to throw away the key…" I say flatly to break the wall of ice in between us. Earlier when I handcuffed us, I knew she would want the key so I went ahead of her and reached in my pocket, I took a coin in my fist and pretended it was the key. Sara was so pissed that she never once questioned if it really was the key. I fooled her, yes I did, but it was for a good cause.

"I had to make you stay…"

"Spare me,"

"I couldn't let you wander off on the desert…" I try again.

"I said: spare me," she repeats with that tone, the one saying you crossed the overmuch line, the one saying that I should back off.

We have an unbalanced relationship to the eyes of the world, but we both know how it works and that's what matters. Even if the limits are constantly redefined, we know when to back off and we always respect that unspoken rule.

I lean back against the back seat and sigh. "No matter what you think, I care enough about you not to want anything bad happening to you, ever," I confess honestly in a whisper. I look out the window, not willing to decipher her body language, but I know she heard me.

As bad our relationship is, I do care about her. I care about everyone in my team, not because we're a team because it's not true, we're much more than that. Fact, we'd give and do everything for one another. Sure, when it comes to Sara this fact seems blurry between us, but it's still true, at least as far as I'm concerned, and I like to think that it goes both ways.

I gather my feet on the seat and circle my knees with my arms before resting my head on top of it. My gaze is far on the moonlit landscape around us. I close my eyes to remember our kiss, this lapse in our routine, this incredibly intense yet ephemeral connexion we shared.

My heart goes crazy as I lick my lips for Sara's taste is still lingering on my flesh.

All those unexpected and new sensations are giving me vertigo. Let's hope I won't fall, that would be painful mistake.

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**I'd like to say that even though coyotes live in wolf pack, they are solitary hunters or they hunt in couples, but mostly alone. I just wanted to mention it, yeah I manipulated Mother Nature for the need of the story...**

**Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone, here's chap 3, I'll try to update next week, thanks for the reviews.**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**ps: **scuby**, thanks for always being there to help me out ;)**

Immi**, thanks for your views on the feeling ;)**

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Chapter 3

It feels like it has been an eternity since either one of us last spoke. I never understood why but silence between Sara and I has never been comfortable, as far as I could remember, it was only tension, hurt or something else, but not once has if been comfortable. This one is no exception. If nothing it's even more uncomfortable than it used to be. My mind doesn't seem to want to go past the light-heading kiss we just shared and the way my body was ready to surround to Sara's will.

I've been curling up on myself like a child scared of the dark watching Sara on the front seat. I wish I knew what to say to build the bridge of communication again.

I wish I knew how to handle things with Sara. Sure, I like the unexpected, but sometimes I find myself wishing that we had a little stability in our interaction.

For the twentieth time I opened my mouth to say something only to have it dying on my lips. The only sign telling me that Sara isn't asleep is the constant movement of her fingers on her bruised wrist.

Suddenly a loud and long growl breaks the silence. I close my eyes as I feel hot blush painting my cheek…

"Good heaven, was that your stomach?" Sara asks with a chuckle.

"I'm hungry," I state sheepishly, though I think my stomach gave me up a second ago.

"Are you hiding a bear under your shirt? That was some growl."

"Hey! I said I was hungry! Quit it," reply smiling. We both burst into laugher as my stomach growls again. "Do we have food here?" ask when I calmed down. I move to the driver seat next to her.

The earlier tension has now vanished, replaced with joking mood. It's like that with us, the weather changes in a heartbeat, and we don't question it.

"I think I might have a sandwich or two," Sara says as she starts to rummage through her backpack. "Ah-ah! There you go, peanut butter and jelly," Sara offers me sandwiches wrapped in cellophane. I can't help the giggle escaping me as I think about the childish menu of Sara's meal.

She looks at me quizzically and I try to put on my straight face again. "I don't suppose you have a brownie and some milk with all this," I try not to laugh.

"I have apples, there wasn't any brownie left," she says seriously which only makes me laugh harder. When I look at her and notice that she's not laughing which only make my laughter die in my throat. She's serious.

"Oh…hum," I clear my throat "Okay."

She has this expression of the kid who's been laughed at or whose puppy has ran away. She turns her head and start to contemplate the outside again.

I'm about to apologize when to my great surprise she talks again. "To this day, it's still the only thing my brother Charlie can cook," she chuckles still looking outside. "He was on visit this week so he made me sandwiches and I let him. It's like the old days when we were all together and when things were fine."

Wow, I don't know if it's due to the full moon or the fact that we're lost but this is actually the first time Sara gets so personal with me. I know it's silly but I can't help smiling and feeling special right at this moment.

I unwrap one sandwich, take a half and hand the other to Sara "Here," I offer her. She looks at it and then at me again. "You should eat something too, and I think it's wiser if we keep the other for tomorrow."

She takes it and our fingers slightly brush with one another, by heartbeat increases again but I do my best to keep my composure. I take a deep breath. "So, hum… you have a brother. Is he older or younger than you?" I push my luck further hoping that the 'get to know Sara better' time isn't over yet.

"I have three actually. Charlie is the oldest we have two years of difference, then there's my twin brother Sidney, and last there's Rueben who has two year and half less than us."

"Wow, big family."

"Yep," she smiles. "You, uh…want to see them?" she asks timidly.

"Sure," I smile.

I think the full moon is definitely having a really weird effect on her. There's no other explanation, eight years that we know each other and she never, never talked me about herself or her family, now she's showing me pictures, next thing I know she'll ask me to be the godmother of her nephews if she has some. I'm not complaining, but I'm starting to question my sanity or my waken state.

She reaches in her pocket for her wallet and shows me two pictures, one of them with who I assume to be their parents, she must be around 6 on it, they are all smiling, I can see that her gap-toothed smile runs in the family. Then there's another picture of her and her brothers for her and her brother Sidney's graduation.

Sara already knows my family, she comes when I throw parties with everybody at my house. My brother is in awe when it comes to Sara because she probably knows more about cars and video games than he does and Nancy likes to talk literature with her.

"You look like a happy family," I state smiling, taking a minute to carve the pictures in my memory.

"We were when the pictures have been taken."

I frown a bit at her answer, something is off but I can't say what. I don't voice it though. "You guys are getting along?"

"Oh yeah, we do. Sure sometimes we have our little differences but we are close from one another. When we…" she trails off and I can see the gates of 'Saraland', starting to close themselves on my face. I want to protest and to encourage her to keep talking but I don't say anything, afraid to break the spell even more.

"We've been apart for a period of time and it was quite horrible, so when we were finally back together it drew us even closer than we already were."

I decide not to ask why they were apart, glad enough that she's giving already so much information. "Being the only girl, I suppose you had to be a tomboy to play with them," I try.

Sara laughs softly. "That's right," I never noticed how much I liked her laugh until now, probably because for the first time I'm the only one to hear it. "I think I would have been the same even if I had had sisters."

She takes a bite out of her sandwich and chew slowly. "What about you? How were you when you were kid?" she asks.

"I was a bit rebellious, yearning for freedom and my favorite thing to do would be to take my horse and have long lonely rides in the nature."

"Sounds fun," she smiles looking at me before escaping my gaze again. I can see that even if she's open right now she's not comfortable with it.

"It was."

She doesn't say anything more and though a part of me is a bit disappointed it's over, I'm mostly glad to have finally shared something other than screams with her.

Once we're both done with our part of sandwich, she reaches in her bag and takes out a little thermos. She pours a little cup of milk and hands it to me. "It's good for the bones," she sounds like my mother. I snort and take the cup. Okay so milk is good with peanut butter… I feel like a kid now.

"You want some more?" she asks me when I finish the cup and I nod. She pours me another cup and then drinks the liquid straight from the thermos. When she's done she has a moustache of milk.

I giggle. She looks at me and instinctively passes her fingers on her lips, but some of the milk moustache remains. I close the distance with my hand and cup her cheek before gently running my thumb a bit above her upper lip. We're staring at each other, she licks the pad of my thumb, not willing to waste the drop. She then lets her lips linger on my skin for a lazy kiss. Neither of us dares breaking the eye contact. The air is thick with an unknown electric-filled tension, our breathing is shallow and I'm sure she can hear my heart beating from where she is. My eyes fall on her lips and for a second I'm tempted to lean in and kiss her again.

She moves slightly, cutting the contact with my palm but not with my fingertips. "We should try to sleep, we have a long day coming," she says still looking at me. I slowly retreat my head and nod.

I look away trying to compose myself again. "Should we toss up who gets the back seat?" I ask providing us some distraction.

She smiles shyly and shakes her head. "Nah, it's okay, you can have it, I'm used to sleep in a sitting position."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

"Alright, then," I start to make my way to the back seat again. But then is stop my motion and turn to her again. I lean in quickly and kiss her cheek in a feather like touch. I hear her gasp before stopping breathing. She's stunned by the move and probably in shock too because she doesn't react. "Thanks for saving from that snake earlier," I say before moving to the back.

She clears her throat. "Sure thing," she whispers obviously still flustered by my gesture.

I lie down on the back seat in the most comfortable position I can find. At this instant I'm glad we're riding SVU at least we have large seats and quite some space.

I toss and turn trying to warming myself up a bit but it's not working. I reach to the trunk from the seat and look out for the blanket I always leave there. I turn to Sara to ask her if she's cold or not but she doesn't seem to be affected by the temperature. I put the blanket over me but it's not enough, I'm still freezing my butt off.

I curve myself into a ball and close my eyes trying to doze off a bit.

I open my eyes some undetermined time later. I look at my watch and barely an hour as passed. Sara is fidgeting in the front seat. I open my mouth to ask her if she's okay when I realize that she's still sleeping.

Her movements get wider and quicker, then she wakes up gasping with a start. I can see the rays of the pale moon shinning on her slightly damp skin. She looks around a bit disoriented panting putting her hands on the windows like a frightened child.

"Bad dream?" I state more than I ask. She jumps at the sound of my voice.

"Hum…you could say that," she answers after a moment before putting her hands over her face. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"You didn't. I can't really sleep, I'm freezing my ass off," I shiver.

"You want my coat?" she offers after a long pause.

"First, you'd die of cold if I take it, and then, I'm not sure it'll be enough."

We stay silent for what seems like an eternity. I want to ask her if she wants to talk about her dream, but then I'm fearing she'll withdraw from me and I don't think I'd stand that considering how open she's been with me so far.

She takes a deep breath, this is the sign that she's made her mind up about something. It's funny how I've learned to decipher not only her body language but also all the little details that give her mood up.

She turns around and starts to move to the back. "Scoot over," she says. I'm tempted to as her where she wants me to scoot over, after all the back seat is big but it's not a king size bed, but I keep my lips sealed and move as much as I can.

She lies down next to me and tried to fit in the small space – I say small, but she's the one who's too tall. I move along with her so we both fit without crushing each other. So in the end our legs are tangled, I'm backed against the back seat and lying half on top of Sara. She's holding me to her and we're still fidgeting a little to use wisely each inch available.

"You're okay?" she asks in a mere whisper.

"Uh-huh," I breathe with eloquence. If I was freezing cold two minutes ago I'm now currently burning hot, but I don't think I'll complain. However I'm not sure to be able to express myself for a little while, the heat has short circuit my brain cells. I'm well aware of her body, of her cold hands, of little patches of skin touching mine as our clothes are wrinkling with the friction.

We're looking at each other and then at our position, our expressions are waving between surprise and question at our new found intimacy. This embrace is oddly disturbing and oddly right. I wouldn't say it's comfortable, though Sara body is comfortable but the embrace is a bit...unsettling, I'd say.

In less than 24 hours I've been more intimate with Sara than in 8 years, I think I'm allowed to be confused.

"You're still cold?"

I take five seconds to register her voice again. "No," I reply in a voice which didn't seem to belong to me.

"Good."

We're looking at each other, our faces dimly lit with the moonlight. The proximity made disappeared any notion of personal space. The same electric tension than earlier surfaces only it's tenfold due to the closeness. Like two opposite faces of magnets, my lips seem like attracted by Sara's. I can feel myself slowly closing the distance. Sara doesn't move, like a stone she receives my lips in a soft touch.

She doesn't respond at first but I can't bring myself to pull back. I feel her lips slowly coming to life, kissing me back shyly, I'm aware of the slight twitch of her fingertips against my neck, only sign that her body is receptive to all this. The kiss is slow, very slow, painfully slow, almost at a standstill. The tip of my tongue darts out to have a taste of her lips. I'm light-headed, and elated, spinning at light speed when her lips part to let her tongue meet mine.

Her fingers slowly dive in my hair and her other hand slowly moves to my cheek but she doesn't touch me, just grazes my skin, yet I can feel the sizzling sensation of her feather like touch.

Ultimately I don't know who breaks the kiss but eventually we pull back, once again looking at each other, not knowing whether to go for an encore or not making thing even weirder than they already are.

I hear her swallowing with difficulty. "Goodnight," she whispers quickly, but the sharpness of her word provokes havoc in me in the close vicinity of my heart.

I nod in a barely perceptible way and rest my head on her chest close to her neck, her unsteady heartbeat – surely echoing mine, disrupting the cocoon of silence we seem wrapped in.

I'm left dwelling on the past events. Something snapped in me and now it's like I had a brand new point of view. It's scary how things can change so quickly without a warning sign. One moment everything is white and bang! The next second everything is black or at least a new shade of grey.

I'll blame it on the full moon, everyone knows the weirdest things happen under the eerie rays of light of a full moon.

Yeah, it has to be the full moon.

After a moment I find comfort in our embrace, lull to sleep by her quiet breathing and her now regular pulse. Morpheus finally decides to take us both in his arms for the night.

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Thanks for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone, first thanks for your reviews, you rock. Here's the update. I won't be around for a little while so the next might take a little time.**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**ps:** scuby** thanks for everything, for the fights and all, and I'll come back for more soon ;)**

Marg Ryan**, I meant to tell you the other time that what I meant with the words 'wolf pack' was _bunge of coyotes_...I know it sounds strange, but there's a french words I wanted to use "Meute" which design a bunge of wild animals and more acuratly canine wild animals ( and to make it easy i didn't think the word 'mob' fit so well here), so blame it on my dictionnary which only come up with 'wolf pack' as a universal translation. But thanks nonetheless for the info on wolfes it was really cool ;)**

OriginalAngelStyle**, j'aime bein ton esprit analytique, légèrement énigmatique. Both cath and Sara have their weakness and strength when it comes to the interaction. ;)**

Max**, I thought you might like to have something to read for the next days ;)**

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Chapter 4

I wake up without the feeling of softness I had when I fell asleep. That would be because I'm no more on top of Sara. I open my eyes wider only to close them at the bright light. I feel a bit lost and I'm sure I'm not imagining it, I can feel Sara's scent all over me. Looking around I don't see any trace of her in the car, however her coat is over me.

Wait, she's not in the car…

She left me! Fuck!

I sit straight up and take a look around and don't see Sara outside. It's a desert landscape so it's not like she could play hide and seek. She left me, fucking hell, she left me.

I'm trying to calm my erratic heart and not to choke in my panic. No she didn't leave me here, she's not like that right, she can't have done that. Yeah? Then why can't I see her anywhere around?

She left me alone in the car, in the middle of nowhere, oh my god, oh my god….

I breathe deep and start to reach for one handle in order to get out of the car, my movement stops as I'm startled by a movement on the top of the car. Please tell me it's no wild animal. I stop my movements and hold my breath.

I jump slightly as the car moves slowly and as I see two legs appearing on the windshield. I expel my breath and try to gain some composure – not an easy feat since my heart is pumping adrenaline in my system with the force of a highly pressured water pipe.

I'm going to kill her, I swear, I'm going to kill her.

I step out of the car, thinking that fresh air might help me. She's sitting on the roof of the car with her feet now on the windshield. She turns her head in my direction. "Morning," she says calmly with a soft voice. I snort. And look anywhere but at her. "Are you okay? You look a little pale."

I chuckle bitterly, trust Sara not to think of how her actions can affect people. I mean you'd think that in the situation we're currently in she'd have the good sense not to disappear even if she doesn't go far.

"You thought I'd left you, don't you?" she states more than she asks.

"Well, I woke up alone, you were nowhere in sight and seeing how eager you were to do it yesterday it doesn't seem like a stupid conclusion," I reply sharply. Gee, three minutes and I'm already in the mood to rip her apart, go wonder why she's the only one to get to me this fast. You'd think that my killing instinct would quiet down in the morning, but no, Sara always manages to bring everything on the surface.

She seems amused which only serves to irritate me. "Leaving, without giving you a chance to cuff me again? Now, that would spoil the whole fun, wouldn't it?"

A part of me is amused with her early wittiness, unfortunately that part of me is currently smothered by the other part of me who entertain fantasies of dumping Sara's body somewhere.

I narrow my eyes at her which makes her smile wider. I take her coat off my shoulder and start to look for my back pack. I retreat some item and then start to walk away.

"Where are you going?" she asks not leaving the roof of the car.

"Do you mind? I need some privacy." And with that I walk until I'm of her field of vision. Like I said it before the landscape doesn't offer much room to hide. I manage to find a blind spot to Sara's vision and manage to ease my bladder from the pressure.

I return to the car and go straight to the trunk, I take some soap and use the jerry can of water to clean my hands. It might appear weird but if you worked with us and saw all this stuff we put our hands into – and trust me there's actually worst than a decomp as hard as it is to believe it, you'd understand the urge to clean your hand more than once a day and straight after a scene rather than waiting the trip back to the lab. I mean even if our hands are shield by the glove, nothing is worth a good soap scrubbing right after a scene. Once my hands are clean I freshen up a bit. I can see Sara observing me silently, the way she usually does – calm and undisturbed like it was the most natural thing in the world. That's what I attribute to her 'feline' side.

When I'm done, she silently does the same. I open the passenger door and seat down but keep my legs outside the car. I look at Sara through one of the rear view mirror.

When she's done she places her self in front of me, shielding me from the morning sun. Her skin is still wet, but seeing that we're in the desert I can understand why she leave it that way, freshness is hard to find in the desert.

"I couldn't sleep more, I figure I'd enjoy the sunrise," she says out of the blue. I think it's her way to apologize for our bad start.

"I don't see through metal yet, so I can't really be blamed for thinking that you left," I add.

"Truce?" she extends her hand, I take it in mine and shake it.

"Truce."

Sara breaks the contact before sitting on the hood of the car again. We stay in our corner for five long minutes. I bury my head in my hands and sigh deeply. I stand up and join Sara. As if she was reading my mind she answers my question before I have the chance to make it pass the barrier of my lips.

"We have 3 options here. Option A: we wait here, but it means another night in the car and a whole day with nothing to do. The pros are that we're in the car, which is a good shield and shelter. The cons, it's the desert and we don't have conditioner so we'd toast all day under the sun."

I nod silently but don't interrupt her.

"Option B, we go in a direction walk for 2h or so, if we don't fine anything we get back here and try another direction to do the same. Pros, we'll get back to the car or we might find something if we're lucky. Cons, it will use energy and we don't have a lot of reserve to make this dance for a long while."

So far I can't say that any idea appeals me.

"Option C, we choose a direction and make a straight line, we keep on walking until we find something, no turning back. Pros, we'll find something because be it the desert there has to be one road somewhere. Cons, we leave the car behind and if night catches us before we find help we'll have to sleep under the stars."

I sigh. Talk about choices.

"What do you think?" I ask her.

"It's your call Catherine."

"Why is that?"

"So I can blame you in the end," she replies cheekily.

"Really funny Sidle."

"Look, I'm going to check if I can get a signal with the radio again, take some minutes to think about it."

I nod and she heads in the car. I can hear her play with the radio. "This is Delta Charlie…request for help, we are lost in an undetermined area, with no gas…I repeat this is Delta Charlie…"

I don't pay attention to the rest of her announce as I can hear from where I am that it's a vain call. In all the time I've been here in Nevada, this is the first time I get lost in the desert. Mother Nature can be cruel, I know that and no matter what choice we make now the consequence will be quite important – if at the very least on a physical level, no one can joke with the desert heat.

I hear Sara's growl of frustration. "This is Delta Charlie, answer for fuck sake!" she exclaims with desperation. Suddenly I see her figure walking hastily far away from the car. "FUCK!" she shouts to the sky. "Fuck, fuck, fuck….FUCK!" she kicks several rocks in order to calm herself but I can see that it's a microscopically small relief. She paces like a caged animal until her breathing has somewhat gotten back to normal.

I'm about to say something when to my surprise she starts to take it out rather hard on the front tire making the car jump a bit on it's suspensions. She stops and passes a hand on her face with a sigh. I jump when she crashes her fist on the car, repeatedly, this time I come behind her and hold her back, she's really scaring me.

"Hey stop hurting yourself," I say softly but firmly.

She stops but I can feel the tension still there in her body. I only let go of her arm when I'm sure she's cool enough not to start again. She puts her elbows on the roof of the car before hiding her head in her hands with a heavy sigh. She takes a few cleansing breaths before coming out of her hiding place again. I've never seen her losing control like this before. Sure we had our fair share of arguments and we lost our temper on each other on more than one occasion but it was always something quite controlled. Right now I must say that she's making me slightly nervous when she's wild like this.

"I'm sorry," she whispers not looking at me.

"You should apologize to the car not me," I joke.

"For losing us," she adds.

"Sara…" I sigh, there's no point in doing this now. "Grissom shouldn't have sent us here, my gas gauge shouldn't have been broken, my GPS should be working so should the radio and I should have had a map…I think we can blame it on bad luck."

She snorts with a little smile but I can see that she's not convinced. "So, have you decided yet?"

"I think we should first check what we have as far as food, water, material and others are concerned before picking an option," I tell her and she nods in agreement.

After fifteen minutes of search we put every useful item we have found on the open plate of the trunk. "Ok, food?" she asks.

"One sandwich, an apple, a cereal bar, and a pack of gum," I enumerate before packing it all in her backpack.

"Water?"

"Two big bottles full and a jerry can."

"First aid kit?"

"Check."

"Flashlights?"

"And batteries, check."

"Distress flares?"

"Check."

"Guns?"

"Check"

I share the weight between our two backpacks, trying to make a maximum of thing within the minimum space – I've always knew my skills at Tetris would come handy at one point or another.

"What else do we have?"

"A rope, our kits, a blanket, soap, and….that's about it."

"Ok we're taking, the rope, the soap and the blanket," she states.

"What about the evidences?"

"If the temperature hasn't already tempered them, as much as I hate to do that we're going to leave them behind. They will eventually find our car. Now we don't know what's ahead of us so I'm thinking that the safest place for the evidences is the car."

"You're probably right."

"I think we're ready to go then."

"Yeah…" I sigh.

We wet our clothes with the rest of the water in the jerry can, desert sun is about to start his torture, and taking the jerry can with us isn't the best idea so we figured we'd use it to keep a little advantage on the sun.

We have our caps on with our sleeveless C.S.I. jackets while our coats are wrapped around our waist.

"Ok, pick a direction," Sara asks once we're ready.

Easy to say, the area looks the same from one part to another. I take a deep breath and I close my eyes. We don't have much to lose now, well no it's not true, but then again it's not like we had a thousand options either. I open my eyes and turn around to my back is facing the driver's door. I point my finger straight ahead. "This way," I say firmly. There's no use to second guess now, never regret, never look back.

I decided that option C was the best, we might as well try to blow the bank and go as far as we can, no use to come back to the car, it won't lead us anywhere anymore, and even if it provides a good shelter I think it's better if we walk as far as we can without coming back. Of course we're going to make sure to leave traces behind us, so if, no when they find the car, they'll find us.

We readjust our backpacks and head in the direction I've chosen. Let's hope for the best.

Our pace is regular, not too fast, not to slow. We've left the car about two hours ago, the heat is already unbearable, and it's not noon yet. The ground isn't really flat so on more than one occasion we've been climbing up and down a little. We haven't spoken much ever since we've started walking. However we've been singing. Sara does that without realizing it, sometimes she'll start to sing a punchy tune with her husky voice. It's surprising at first but then with time we get used to it. She has started to sing after 30 minutes of walking I joined in, she didn't seem to mind, well she didn't seem to notice either, anyway I thought it was fun. We sang four maybe five times and now we're back to silence.

I've been watching Sara, watching her muscles twitch under her clothes, watching tiny pearls of sweat running down her skin. She turned around to see if I was okay two minutes ago and there was moisture around her lips, I could imagine the salty taste of her lips in my mouth, which led me to think about the intimacy we've shared recently and about our kiss. Well 'think' is the wrong word 'remembering vividly' would be more accurate.

The topic has yet to be opened. I know I've been asking myself a lot of question and that my mind can't seem to think past those little events. I can see that Sara isn't about to talk about it if I leave her on her own devices. And personally this uncertainty isn't doing wonders on my sanity. I figure that there's no better moment than now, I mean we're alone and we don't have any better to do.

"So, we're not going to talk about it?" I ask calmly. I know it's not a direct question, it's not my style to beat around the bush, but then again I know that the impact of this conversation will reverberate close to this appendage I call my heart, so I better take that road smoothly.

She has a movement of head which lets me know that she heard me. "Talk about what?" she asks absentmindedly.

"You know very well what I'm talking about," I try to stay calm.

"No I don't, I wouldn't ask otherwise," she answers flatly. I don't know what irritates me the most the fact that she seems to be genuinely oblivious or the fact that I care so much about this whole conversation.

I snort and shake my head a little. I don't reply, giving her a chance to connect the dot by herself or to actually have the courage to be an adult. Once again I gave her more credit than I should have since she keeps on walking in silence.

"So that's it?" I ask rhetorically. "We're not going to talk about it? Just pretend it didn't happen?"

Right now I wish it never happened because that way I wouldn't be so upset, that way I wouldn't feel like an idiot, that way I wouldn't feel hurt.

Sara stops walking when she realized that I'm still rooted on my spot. She frowns "Talk about what?" she asks again slightly irritated. I can't believe her.

I look at her anger tainted with hurt. "Obviously, there is **nothing** to talk about," I reply through my teeth before passing her by and walking ahead, leaving her behind.

I'm muttering under my breath. I can't believe I fell for that one, you'd think that at my age and with my experience I'd know better, I guess not. I hate to admit it but in the last 24h she has managed to crawl a bit deeper under my skin and seeing what happened I might have hoped that, I don't know, that there would be a chance to explore this new thing between us, whatever it was. Apparently I was the only one. It hurts, and I'm not only talking about my ego.

"What was that?" Sara's voice resounds from behind me.

"I wasn't talking to you….since there's **nothing **to talk about," I reply sharply. Great now all my bitterness is burning my veins.

Suddenly I stop, to hell with being cautious, if she can't be an adult by herself I'll force her to. I turn around and burn holes through her with my stare. She stops and looks at me quizzically. "Did I imagine it all?" I ask angrily. "Those kisses in the car, did I make them up?"

"What?"

"We kissed in the car didn't we?" I ask not letting her 'I don't understand' look fool me.

"Oh, so that's what it's all about?"

I'm going to punch her really hard in a few seconds I can feel it.

I throw my hands up in the air and my head back. "Yes…no…argh…nevermind" I growl before turning around again and starting to walk away.

"I didn't know we were supposed to talk about our impulses."

I snap my head back around. Now that hurt.

"Impulses?" I gap a few times trying to give her a piece of my mind but her word did real damages in me and I'm speechless. "Great," I snort. Double my pace as I try to keep her as far away from me as possible.

Why can she affect me so much with so little words?

I stop and turn around to her once again. I close the distance between us and stop a few feet away "Impulses…that's all it was?"

"I don't know, it was the heat of the moment," she defends herself.

I study her for a moment and I can see that it's the best explanation I'll get from her. My heart is beating painfully in my chest and I don't know whether to slap her or to cry. I decide against both, I don't want to give her the pleasure to see that she has managed to bleed me dry from inside.

She's full shit. And I've never thought she'd be that shifty. I mean I can buy her explanation for the first kiss but not for the second. No, the kiss we exchange before sleeping was a reasonable one. And I hate that she can't even admit it. I don't think I'd be more hurt if she told me that she regretted it, I might feel better actually, better than having her telling me this kind of crappy cop out.

"What?" she asks.

"I'm fool…that's all…" I don't even have it in me to pretend now. I turn around and start to walk away again. I take a deep breath and try to put my armour back in place even if it's useless now, I mean, after all she has hurt me already.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means as much as those kisses obviously," I reply without looking at her.

"What??"

I ignore her and keep on walking.

I don't know how much time we spend ignoring each other but judging how the heat is slightly less intense I'd say we made it to the beginning of the afternoon. Anger has one good side, we walked at a quick and steady pace.

I stop dead in my tracks though once I see what's ahead of us. This has to be a joke.

After so many hours of walk on a straight line we didn't find any roads, any path, any sign of life. Nope. And now like a cherry on top of a rotten cake we're facing a forest.

Fuck.

"Fuck it," Sara says flatly, voicing my thoughts.

We stand in front of the first trees, both thinking about our next course of action. "We have to cross it," I tell her." We're not going to go back to the car, it's pointless. Then at least the trees will provide some shadow."

"Why couldn't it have been a road, damn it," she says frustrated.

I sigh and start to walk toward the forest. I take the rope out of my backpack. Sara seems to be on the same tracks as I am because she takes out her pocket knife and cup a piece of rope. She attaches it to a branch tightly and then we start to engulf ourselves in the unknown.

The forest is dense, but not too much, I suppose we should feel grateful this is no Amazonian area.

After another hour of walking a marking out way with rope I decide to sit down. I'm exhausted and I'm not only talking about the emotional level. I grab the opened bottle, we've tried to be cautious, yet walking under the sun doesn't make it easy, so we've drunk more than half of it and I don't honestly think that this bottle will last long.

Sara sits next to me, but she keeps a little distance. We're both sweaty, panting a little, and flustered from the effort.

She sighs. "It's one of those fantasies of mine," she says out of the blue, I look at her a briefly wonder if the sun has hit her harder than it hit me. "You never had it?" she asks, not that I can answer since I don't know what she's talking about. "When we fight…I have this fantasy where I kiss you senseless so you shut up," she chuckles. "We have quite heated fights, and with time they seem to get worse/I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but not so long ago I found myself wondering whether to strangle you or fuck you," she snorts and shakes her head with a smile.

"Pardon me?" is all I can say, so much my head is spinning with her words.

"The kiss…in the car…" she starts to repeat a bit clearer.

"No, I got that…fantasy of yours…yeah…you…" I think this information kind of short circuit my brain. "Wait….one of your fantasies, as in…there are others?" I stutter. Sara has fantasies about me. "You have fantasies…about me?"

She chuckles and leans in until our lips are only millimetres away. I don't dare moving, petrified, feeling my heart going crazy again. "I'm human you know, I have dreams, desires, needs and…fantasies," her breath tickles my skin with each words and I can feel her all over me though she hasn't touched me. I close my eyes with a shaky breath and try to compose myself again. I really hate that she can make me weak and disoriented, like a stranger in my own body. I open my eyes and she has pulled away a bit but she's still close, she's looking at me intently and I gulp.

I don't know on which foot I'm supposed to stand with her. It's typically her, turning the tables in a fraction of seconds. I can feel my cheeks burning with violent blush and I look away not able to stand her intense and deep stare.

"Listen," her voice is soft. "I haven't stopped myself to think about what it meant…you know…no offence but my main worry at the moment is to find our way back, not figuring things out," she says honestly.

"None taken," I reply quickly still trying to get some control over my emotions.

We stay silent and she's looking far in front of her. "Once we're back in the city though, we can think about whether or not we want to try to figure things out…" she adds seriously.

I turn to look at her, I'm still a little flustered and my heart is still dancing the polka, but I managed to tame the kamikaze electric butterflies inside, so that's something. "Okay," is all I can answer.

She smiles at me genuinely and then stands up. "We should keep on walking some more, we might get lucky before the night comes," she states.

I nod, still in a bit of a haze. I stand up and start to follow her again. Wait a minute…I stop dead on my tracks, oxygen living my lungs in a gasp as a thought causes the impact of a nuclear bomb on my body, so much for controlling myself again. My brain cells explode all at the same time.

Did she just say she wanted to fuck me?

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**As you all know, I'm French so I'm not familiar with Nevada, however technology and maps provided help. There's a zone I found on the North-West of the state (I forgot to note the precise location but i will next time) which is not 'too' far from Vegas, in the middle of the desert and there 's a 'forest'. Of course there are also like 5 or 4 roads crossing it, once again I manipulate Mother Nature at my will so the roads kind of...disappear, yeah I'm magical like that :P**

**Thanks for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone, first I'd like to thank you all for your reviews, you rock! I'm sorry about the little stand by but it was necessary, now that everything is fine again, I'm back on top! So here's the new update, I made it long and well...I tried to make amend...**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**This chap is dedicated to **scuby, immi, Nickole **and** Maximilliam** for being by my side.**

**Ps: Thanks **scuby** for helping me out and arguing as always ;)**

Marg Ryan** i used G. Earth to get the location, I'll put the reference next time, promise ;)**

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Chapter 5

We've been walking in silence for another hour now. Sara can stay silent to days on end, whereas I need to speak, silence drives me crazy, because it's a field for my thoughts to play in and honestly I wish I could shut my thoughts down. My relationship with Sara has been weird lately, actually, weirder than weird would describe our relationship better.

We've been intimate, we kissed – twice, and those kisses clearly implied that there could be more. Then she's been pig headed and she avoided the topic when I all I wanted was an explanation as to where we stood. Afterwards though she admitted having fantasies, and from what I understood, fantasies about me.

I won't be conceited and say that I'm the only one she fantasizes about. It surprised me though, to say the least. I mean despite my fascination with her, it never crossed my mind that she might have fantasizes or desire whatsoever. I know it sounds odd but it's a fact.

Needless to say that my mind as been on overdrive, after all 'Fantasy World' is very wide and I could give a lot of money just to get a taste of Sara's fantasies. I'd pay a lot to be inside of that mind of hers and see what she's thinking about when she lets her fantasies run free.

And thinking about Sara's fantasies put my mind on the track of my own fantasies about her. And it's not helping. My body is yearning for contact with Sara ever since our first heated kiss. Now that I know how it feels like to kiss her and to have her under my touch well…let's just say that my libido is kind of begging for the next unexpected intimate moment between the two of us. This whole situation isn't helping, because it's not like I could escape Sara's presence for a min or two to compose myself again and stop thinking about her curves or her muscles contracting and relaxing or the fine layer of sweat on her, or her ass, or…

"I think we should stop for the night," Sara says after over an hour of silence, breaking my thoughts.

I drop my backpack with a sigh. We're surrounded by trees, which is only normal since we're in the forest, I start to regret the car, badly. "I'm sure we have time to walk some more before the night settles down," I state.

"I know but if we have to spend night in the wood, I think we should try to make it as comfortable as possible. And as you know the night is very cold so I think we should think about making a fire and room to protect us as much as we can."

I agree although I wish we had found a road by now.

I take a tissue and damp it with some water before putting it over my face and on the back of my neck, damn heat. What I wouldn't give right now to take a good shower.

I'm taking time to rest a bit we've been walking since this morning and only stopped once for five minutes. I'm glad I had somehow the intuition not to put heels on when Grissom called me in, that being said it doesn't keep my feet and legs from hurting a bit right now.

Sara has dropped her backpack as well but unlike me she's restless. I see her coming and going with wood in her arms. I stand and start to look for wood as well. In twenty minutes we have quite a consequent stock of wood. The sunset is fading away fast and so is the heat. Once more I sit down and watch Sara.

"Planning on keeping me warm all night?" I ask her with a smirk.

She looks at me with a glint in her eyes. "Who said I need a fire to do that?"

Wow, okay, she got me there…

Her stare is intense and I can't decipher if she's playing around or if she's serious, either way she throw me for a loop. I can't remember us flirting together, ever. I quickly get over my initial surprise and show a confidence I really don't have at the moment. Now isn't the time to let her know how she's affecting me.

She's kneeling down on the ground and making a wide circle of rocks. She seems at ease, in her element.

"You've done this before?" I break the silence again.

"Warmed a girl all night?" she replies with a cocky smile. "Oh yeah."

I laugh nervously. I can't believe she can take my breath away with so little words. She winks at me, satisfied to have made me speechless twice in less than five minutes, before turning her attention back to the wood.

"Actually, I meant the fire…" I decide to take the control of the situation back, no way I'll leave her with the upper hand. "Now, if you'd prefer to tell me about that girl warming, I'm happy to listen… or you could demonstrate."

She doesn't seem a bit unsettled by our flirting, if nothing I think she's having fun. It's like it was the most natural thing in the world. I'm not complaining here, don't get me wrong, I'm just a bit faze by this new dynamic between us, not to mentioned my new found desires as far as Sara is concerned.

She turns to me and sizes me with her look with a grin. "I could now, couldn't I?" she bites her bottom lip. "…not sure you could handle it though."

I snort at her attitude. Someone is cocky today. She doesn't have any idea of who she's dealing with. "Oh, I'm sure I could handle whatever you'd throw my way, Sidle."

"I guess we'll have to find out then," she answers staring at me with her intense brown eyes. I realize that I might be playing with fire here, if the way her simple gaze raises an army of butterflies in my stomach is of any indication. She, on the other hand seems really cool and being Sara Sidle, hiding her emotions is like a second nature, so I can't tell if it's an act or if she's really cool.

She's once again focusing her attention on the wood pieces in her hands. "Could you give me a hand?" she asks.

"Sure….where do you want them?"

She chuckles at the wood before looking at me again. "Touché."

And score for me!

"Help me turn this on," she focuses again.

I kneel down next to her, our shoulders almost touching. We're trying to organize the wood, well I'm following Sara's direction. Our hands brush one against the other here and there and as much as I try to stay composed I can tell that it has quite an effect on me.

Once we're done Sara reaches out for her pocket and takes out a lighter. "I though you had quit." I state

"I did. Can you hand me my backpack please?"

"Sure," I turn stand and reach for her backpack. I take it and then kneel down next to her – closer, before giving her the backpack.

She rummages through it and takes out a forensic magazine. She holds it and opens it. She goes through it quickly, then she stops at an article. She sighs with a little pout before tearing the page apart. Knowing Sara I know how hard it is for her to do such a thing, she's the kind of person to worship books and magazines. I swear, all her magazines are in mint condition and she nearly killed Greg once because he had inadvertently spilled four drops of coffee on one of her magazine.

She tears a dozen of pages and then makes paper balls with it. She places them under some piece of wood with precision and then lights up some of them. She watches the fire starting to take, replacing the wood here and there, making sure the fire doesn't die.

"So," she exhales. "Except for the fire, what turns you on?" she smiles at me.

I'm positive when I say that I don't know this Sara, or at least that until we got lost I never got a chance to see this side.

"Intelligent, funny, sensitive people," I say. It takes a second to my brain to realize that Sara fits in the category. She asks me another question before I can dwell on it though.

"Oh come on, don't hold on details," she shakes her head. "If you want me to warm you up tonight you better give me some hints," her tone is deep, just as deep as her gaze.

"I…ummm…you…uh…" I stutter.

"Wonders never cease…you're blushing."

"I am not," I defend myself in vain, the heat I feel on my face tells me she's right. She just chuckles in response. "What's so funny, miss I am one with the wilderness?"

"Nothing."

I can't help the smile on my face, I just like it when she has this mischievous smile and her sparkling eyes. "Where did you learn to do this stuff?"

"My brothers taught me."

"And here I was thinking you just liked to take girls off into the woods for camping trips," I feign disappointment.

"I can't deny it, there's nothing hotter than a night in the wild…but the true explanation is that my bro taught me," she laughs softly.

"Oh…"

I watch as the fire slowly feed himself with the wood, growing bigger and bigger. "Is this going to attract anything?"

"What? The fire?"

"Yeah…"

She shrugs "It's the wild…so maybe," she says nonchalantly.

"Seriously?" I don't really want to kid around with this.

"Cath, I can't control nature. I'm good, but not **that** good."

"Yeah…" I snort. "You're good…" I say dismissively.

"But I am," she replies looking at me straight in the eyes. She leans in so our lips are inches away. I'm to stunned and petrified to even think about moving. "You know if I put my mind into it, I can make sure your screams of ecstasy will be loud enough to scare any animal within two miles radius."

Oh my god, breathe Cath breathe…

Flirting with fire that's exactly what's going on, I don't exactly yearn to be burn but I found out really recently that when it comes to Sara I'm like a moth to a flame, no matter how bad it can be I can't help jumping in, to hell with the consequences.

"What makes you think you could make me scream?" I come back with a controlled yet shaky voice.

She's leaning a little bit more but not making the contact. I can feel my heart beating loudly, my lips are stinging in anticipation. But she stops millimetres away. "I wouldn't having any other way," her tongue darts out and wets her lips.

She doesn't move as if daring me to make the next move. I'm about to close the tiny remaining distance when I hear the sound of cracking branches behind me. I'm startled and look behind. "What was that?"

"Nature Cath," Sara says with a little giggle.

I urn around and look at her again and she's focused on the fire. "Sara, there's something in the wood," I tell her not understanding how she can stay so calm.

"It's just branches cracking, Cath."

"Branches don't crack by themselves. There might be a bear or a coyote or hell a crazy man out there," alright, I might be a bit hysterical. She looks at me and just chuckles. "I'm not kidding Sara, there might be a threat in the wood."

"Cath, even if there's an animal near by it won't come close, they are more afraid of us than we are of them."

"Oh yeah, those coyotes really looked scared of us when they were trying to have us for dinner!"

"Alright, fair point," she shrugs before looking at the fire.

There's another sound, this time louder than the previous one. I jump and get even closer to her.

"Cath, relax."

"Relax? You want me to relax when there's probably a bear waiting to take a big chunk out of my ass?" she laughs at me. "It's not funny. I've seen this man after he met a bear it was horrible."

There was a case I had where some dude was putting a bear hunt to stage, it turned wrong, well let me tell you, bear aren't friendly except in teddies. I don't intend to be some wild animal's dinner.

"Bears don't attack unless provoked," she simply replies.

"Oh that's really reassuring."

"I thought you liked nature. You always tell about Montana and all…"

"I didn't sleep outside, Sara…"

"Alright, would you feel better if I check around?" she cuts me off.

"And leave me here by myself, are you out of your mind?!" doesn't she get it? I'm not comfortable here.

"Cath, calm down, I'm sure there's nothing. I'm going and I'll be back in two minutes top," she announces before standing up.

"I'm coming with you!" I exclaim.

"And face the big bad teddy bear?" she smirks.

Oh she thinks she's funny. "Fine, whatever," I dismiss her. Truth to be told I'm scared to be alone but even more to go inside the wood and see if there actually is some wild animal around.

I watch Sara reaching for her flashlight in her backpack and then turning it on. She slowly engulfs herself in the wood until I can't see the glint of her light anymore. This is a bad idea, I know it. It's like in the movies, one goes in the forest and never return.

It feels like an eternity since she's gone and I think that paranoia is having the best of me. I'm starting to pace like a maniac.

"Aarrgh…nooooo…heeeelllppp…arrrgh," Sara's cries freeze my blood.

Holy shit.

I can feel my whole body starting to shake like a leaf. I'm petrified. "Sara! Sara!" I shout. My heart is racing, cold sweat is running down my spine. I have to go in there. I know I have to, but I can't barely move so much I'm shaking.

I run to my backpack and retrieve my gun and flashlight. Come on Cath you can do it, Sara needs you. My mind is overflowing with image of Sara's limp body with a bear…okay stop that.

What if it's really bad? What do you mean, 'if'? Did you hear her screams, that's not a 'oh my god, I sprang my ankle' scream. This is bad, we have no way to have back up and our first aid kit won't be helpful and…

Panic is taking its toll on me and I'm hyperventilating as I start to take a few steps towards the wood. I'm praying to any high power that might be to keep Sara safe…alive.

I barely make three steps in the wood when…

"Boo!"

Sara jumps in front of me. I scream at the top of my lungs, jumping out of my skin and falling on my ass dropping my gun and flashlight. I'm a hairbreadth away from wetting my pants. When I get over my shock and surprise and look up I see Sara laughing out loud.

"Got you!" she laughs harder.

My panic changes instantly in sizzling rage. I get up in a second and get on her face. I push her violently "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I start raining my fists and hands on her. "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" I shove her again and she stumbles backward. "Asshole"

She's laughing on the floor before standing up. "You should have seen your face…"

"You think it's funny?!" I shout. "I could have shot you!!" I pick up my gun off the floor.

She keeps laughing softly and I move as far from her as possible. "Cath, come on…" she puts her hand on my shoulder but I jerk away.

"Just go fuck yourself okay, don't touch me, don't talk to me…just leave me alone!"

She laughs at my behaviour but lets me sitting in a corner far from her. I hold my knees to my chest in order to stop myself from shaking so badly. I'd have expected that from the boy or anybody else, but not her, because somehow she always struck me as someone responsible. I can't get a grip on myself, the shaking increase and my heart refuses to calm down its pace. I think I'm going to be sick.

Adrenaline is slowly crashing down and I slowly lose the control over my emotions. Sara is still giggling thinking she pull out a really good joke, and it makes me angry at her, because she just doesn't realize how scared just thinking about her being hurt or worse. And I'm hurt because she doesn't realize what she just put me through.

"Cath?" Sara calls me.

"Leave me alone," I mumble.

I start sobbing as all the tension slowly leaves my body. I bury my head on my knees willing to wake up from this nightmare.

"Hey Cath, come on, I was just kidding," her voice resounds softly.

Oh yeah, watch me, I'm laughing my ass off.

"You're so fucking stupid," I say through my tears. "You think it's funny? Did you even stop to think that I was…that it wasn't a stunt to pull on me?" I sniff. "I was already picturing you dying or worse already dead…I was…" I can't go on as I smother a sob.

Sara doesn't smile anymore, she's next to me, looking at me with concern. "I'm sorry," she says genuinely.

"What were you thinking? We're not on a camping trip, we are lost! And you…" once again sobs choke my words.

"Hey, come here," Sara says, trying to wrap her arms around my shoulders, but I jerk away.

"Leave me alone," I pout.

"Cath…"

"Just…leave me alone."

She sighs and stays close in case I'd let my guard down but I really want her to give me some space.

"I am scared Sara," I whisper. I finally admit. Then I put the blanket on the ground and lie down on it with my back to the fire. I close my eyes and breathe deep trying to calm down. I can't help thinking about what if it hadn't been a joke? I wouldn't have been of a lot of help. I froze, had she been dying I…

I can't help the sob escaping my lips, tears are still flowing. I feel movement behind me.

"Cath…" Sara calls me before moving closer. "I'm sorry…I wasn't thinking…I just thought everything was so tense…we just needed to lighten up…"

"Oh yeah, fucking funny."

"Cath, please, if I had thought you'd react that way I wouldn't have done it," she tries again.

"How does making me believe you're hurt is supposed to be funny?"

"Cause I booed you when you came into the woods," she touches my shoulder. "Come on Cath, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well, you failed," I sniff before jerking my shoulder lightly.

"You're shaking," she states surprised.

"That's my silent way to laugh," I reply bitterly.

"Cath…" she moves her hand to my back and rubs it gently. I feel her sliding along behind me and I don't move. "Cath," she whispers before moving closer to me, pressing herself against me. "Please…I'm sorry"

Instinctively I reach back for her hand I pull it on my stomach, holding her tight. I start to calm down in that intimate embrace, it feels good and safe. I entwine our fingers, daring her to go anywhere.

"Did I…did I ever tell you about the first time I went camping?" she says out of the blue. I shake my head. "I was with some friends from school. We decided that we'd camp on the beach…keep in mind, I had never been camping before. I wasn't always the outdoorsy girl that I am," I can feel her smiling and I chuckle a bit. "We didn't have our tent closed completely and we're kind of fooling around…it was nice…the moon was full…you could hear the ocean near….she screamed out at some point…and I thought, wow I'm doing something really good…I'm not a vocal person…even less into dirty talk but for some reason I said 'oh you like that…' and I did it again…"

"Were you?" I ask with interest.

"Actually no…next thing I know she pushed me off her…I was surprise and a bit hurt, but that was before I saw the crab pinching her toe…I was embarrassed to say the least…we got out of the tent and everyone laughed at us."

I laugh softly at her story, picturing it exactly in my head. I squeeze her hand a little. I freeze when I feel her lips on my neck, it's so light I almost think it was a hallucination, but then I feel them again, and again. My body is responding sending a tingling sensation all over. I will myself to stay calm, but it's hard.

I feel her lips lingering at my flesh and I squeeze her hand. My breath is short and I purse my lips not to moan.

I'm officially lost. I'm parted between listening to my reason and listening to my body and feelings. My reason tells me that this is probably a bad idea because it will only put more confusion in my mind. I mean, I don't know what this thing between us is but I know I'm starting to care about her more than I'd care about a simple friend. And I'm not sure I'd be okay with it if tomorrow the only explanation she finds to this is that it was an impulse.

On the other hand I'm having a hard time to hold myself back and if she doesn't stop kissing my neck soon I won't be responsible for what happens next. She's driving me crazy, she has been ever since she first kissed me and now…now I don't have many restrains.

I don't know where we're standing, she's confusing. She says she doesn't know what she wants and she hasn't figured things out, yet she keeps being intimate with me like it was the most natural thing in the world. And somewhere it feels natural and…

Oh my goodness…I feel her lips nibbling at my neck. I my heart is hammering against my chest, I'm about to lose it, I shouldn't I know I should be responsible and…to hell with it.

I turn in her arm letting go of her hand. She brings it to my face and cups my cheek sweetly before putting a lock of hair behind my ear. "Hey you," she smiles a bit.

I lean in and capture her lips. The kiss is soft and brief. "Hey yourself," I reply.

We stare at each other as if to silently decide where to go from here. "I am truly sorry Cath," she whispers with honesty.

"Don't do it again."

She leans her forehead against mine. "I won't," she says seriously.

I kiss her again as if to seal her words. She sucks on my bottom lip and I moan softly. She arches into me and I put my hand on her hip to keep her as close as possible to my body. She traces my lips with her tongue before trespassing the boundaries of my lips to meet my tongue in a subtle and sensual dance, her hand running down my back to finally settle on my ass.

I whimper and deepen the kiss, moving my hand under her shirt. My head is spinning and my heart is pumping so fast and loud I'm afraid it might come out of my chest soon. I caress her stomach, my hand hot on her skin. I feel her kneading my ass and at this moment I knew that my body was hers.

I think I hear a sound but it's hard to tell since my heartbeat is beating so loud I can't really hear anything above it. I pull back from our kiss and start to shake involuntarily. Sara pulls me back to her and forces me to look at her in the eyes. "I got you, you're safe," she says as if she had read my mind. It doesn't quiet my shaking though.

She rolls us over so she's on top of me, my first reflex is to hold her tight. "Don't leave me," I say in a shaky voice. She kisses me again, keeping me focus on her. As long as those lips are around I can keep my calm. She moves her kiss to my neck, rocking herself against me, one hand on my hip. My breathing is heavy, and on its own accord my body moves with her slowly, driving my high and higher.

Both of her hands move from my hip and she pulls on my shirt, I bring her lips back on mine as I feel her working on my buttons. She tears her lips from mine and starts to move lower and I'm getting aware of the fact that I'm not on my best look right now. "Sara…" I moan. "I'm all…dirty and….sweaty," I pant in between my raged breaths.

"Like I cared…" she states as her lips make their way to my stomach. She dips her tongue in my bellybutton and massages my breasts, I gasp.

"Oh g…" I hold her head.

She drags her teeth back up and presses hard into me as she lifts my bra from my breasts. I can only moan and arch up. She greedily takes a nipple in her mouth and swirls her tongue around it, while her other hand is kneading my other breast, rolling my nipple between her fingers.

"Oh my goodness…" I bite my lips smothering my whimper. She bites down on my nipple and I hiss.

The loud noise resounds again in the wood, but Sara doesn't take notice of it. She moans against my chest and one of her hand moves down between us and slides into my pants. But I hear some noise again and my fear wins over my hormones.

"Sara… there's something there," I breathe out.

"Oh, I'm trying to find out babe…" she replies huskily smiling against my neck moving her hand further.

The noise strikes again, and this time I wiggle myself out from under Sara and cover my chest. "Sara, there's something near us," I repeat, with a trembling voice. She stands on her knees, breathing heavily. She listens for a moment. "I don't hear anything."

"Don't say I imagined it all, I know what I heard, there's something in this wood," I say buttoning my shirt hastily.

She gets on her feet and goes get her gun and flashlight. "Wait…where are you going?" I ask with a panicked voice. "Don't leave me here!"

She kneels down in front of me. "Cath, it's probably nothing, probably some wild animal trying to see how people do it," she jokes and I chuckle in spite my panic state.

"I just want to go home," I say insecure.

"We'll get there…I promise," she says softly. "I'm going to go check out, I'll be back in a flash," she says before kissing my forehead.

I reach for my gun and flashlight and then I old my knees to my chest, watching Sara going in the wood again. I'm focusing on my breathing trying not to freak out.

Five minutes later I hear some disturbance in the wood, something is coming near, I try to control my shaking and harden my grip on my gun, then Sara's figure emerges in front of me.

"If there was something, it's gone…" she states. I nod still shaking a bit. She lies down and opens her arms to me I don't think twice before lying on her shoulder snuggling as deep as I can. She kisses my forehead and squeezes me a bit "Get some sleep…I'll keep and ear out for anything."

I let the feeling of safety I get from Sara washing over me and keeping my fears at bay.

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Ok, I shall be back shortly.

**Thanks for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Oy everyone! First, thank you for your reviews, you always make my days, you guys rock! Here's the new chap, hopefully it doesn't suck too much. Alright, so the 'area' which started my imagination with this is near Mont Charleston. Of course in my world there aren't many roads, a lot of trees...nature in all its glory...anyway**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

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**Chapter 6**

I sigh and snuggle deeper to my soft cushion under me. I realise that my cushion has a heartbeat and even in my sleeping state I know it's odd. I open my eyes and squint at the light.

"Good morning sunshine," Sara's husky voice greets me.

I sit up feeling a bit disoriented. I had hoped to wake in my bed but no…the nightmare is going on.

"You know if you had slept earlier we wouldn't have had to worry about any wild animal around seeing how loud you snore," she states with a smirk.

"Oh shut up," I growl.

"Great, you even drooled on me, like I wasn't dirty enough."

"Do you have to be such a pain in the ass? I just woke up so give me a break."

She stands and starts to gather our things. "Alrighty, let's go," she announces.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No Cath, I let you slept as long as you needed it and now we have to get on the move, so let's go," she says softly but firmly.

I narrow my eyes at her. She's like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, one moment she's comforting and actually makes me weak on my knees with desire and more and the next second she's being cold detached and…heartless. In one word she's confusing.

"Can you give me time to wake up?" I ask more rhetorically than anything else. "I need…" a shower, a hug from my daughter, a coffee, reading the news…

Okay, I get Sara's point.

I growl and stand up. "Gee you're one cheerful cookie in the morning," she smiles softly.

I take the remains of water of the first bottle and put some liquid on a tissue to freshen up my self as much as I can. Sara does the same then we put our backpacks on and start to walk once she made sure the fire was completely dead.

We start walking in silence. My mind wanders back to last night events. Now I can say with a certainty that I like Sara on more than friendly terms. And I also know that I'd like to 'explore' this new territory with her…which would imply that she actually acknowledges that there's something between us.

We walk in silence and I can't help but casting glances in her direction. I don't want to do the same mistake as yesterday and ask her about the meaning of last night. I think I'm going to just…go with the flow. I mean, maybe that's how she works, she goes with the momentum. I want something with her, something meaningful but it's not like it could really start here. At the same time I feel like we were putting the bases of something. Of course that could all be the by product of my imagination.

I feel like she cares but maybe it's the just the situation who wants that. I mean, if we are going to die in the desert might as well enjoy it, right? Okay, I'm being cynical but Sara isn't exactly an open book.

After three hours of silent walking I decide to know where we're standing regarding to last night. I get close to her and push her playfully with my shoulder. When she looks at me with question in her eyes I just pretend nothing happened. I repeat my action several times and we start to giggle. Back in high school…

"Stop that," she laughs softly.

"I'm not doing anything."

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head with a chuckle. We are walking close to one another our hands brushing each other softly from time to time. The little contact actually makes me weak and yearning for more. After five minutes I decide to take my courage with both hands and make my move. I slowly grab her hand, the touch is delicate and not too tight so she can pull her hand away in a heartbeat. To my great delight and surprise she doesn't pulls away, but she doesn't really hold my hand either. I take that as a good sign and decide to make the embrace more decided.

After one motionless minute I finally feel her taking my hand back and squeezing it a little. She smiles but doesn't look at me. I decide not to push my luck and just keep on walking.

Hours pass and the scenery stays the same: trees, rocks, trees, rock, trees, rocks and oh….trees.

Sara and I held hands and eventually chit chat a bit but then we just kept on walking. I let go of her hand a little while ago, I can feel my patience wearing thin. I don't feel like we were going anywhere.

I sigh loudly silently letting Sara knows that I'm frustrated. She chooses to ignore me and keeps on walking. This time I kick a rock with my shoe. "I'm starving," I announce.

Sara slows her pace down "There's an apple left," she says.

"No, we ate it and I had the bruised half!"

"So did I," she states.

"It was like eating applesauce, but worse."

She rummages in her bag. "I got a chocolate bar."

I narrow my eyes and tilt my head. "You expect it to still be a bar?? In this heat?" I ask rhetorically. "It could be chocolate syrup Sara! And unless you have some milk in there I don't want it."

"Look either you're hungry or not, food is food, melted or not," she says sharply. I walk off not wanting to start a fight. "I take it you're not hungry then, because you'd eat that bar if you were," she states.

I pull out my phone and look for a signal. "You're trying to order a pizza?" she says with sarcasm. I glare at her and keep on waving my cell up for a signal.

"Fuck it!" I cry out in frustration before tossing my cell away

"I take it mothership didn't answer," she said flatly.

"It died," I just state. After a moment I pick it up from the floor a start to walk again.

"We shouldn't be far from a road now."

I stop dead in my tracks and turn slowly to her. "Really? You found a map when I wasn't looking? You know where we are?"

"Well no, that's the whole point of being lost isn't it?" she replies.

"Then how do you know we're not actually getting lost further?"

"I don't! Stop getting all hysterical on me!"

"Oh I'm hysterical??"

"Yeah!"

"I'm hungry, I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm dirty, I'm sweaty…" I start really exasperated. "And you…" I growl not able to finish my thoughts. She looks like everything's okay, like she was as fresh as a daisy.

"Quit complaining, you're getting on my nerves," she spits.

"I'm not complaining, I'm…"

"Yes, you are! I'm hungry, sweaty and bla bla bla…" she whines. "If you're so hungry, eat that bloody chocolate bar and knock it off!"

"I swear if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be here on the first place and if it wasn't for…" I motion her with my hands at lost for the right word "I'd have gotten some sleep and not be so grouchy."

"Oh it's my fault if you're scared of your own shadow?"

"I probably wouldn't have been so scared if you hadn't jumped out at me!"

"How many times will I have to say I'm sorry?"

I throw my hands in the air and start to walk away. "Where are you going?" Sara asks me, I ignore her and keep on walking. "Catherine, it's that way!"

I look at her a frown. "You clearly don't know where the fuck you're going," I state.

"We have a plan!"

"Oh do we now?" I keep walking on the direction I've chosen. I can feel her hot on my heels.

"We have a plan, making a straight line!" she shouts. "Stop acting like you were five years old!"

I turn to her again. "Oh yeah? And who are you? My Boss?" I ask vehemently. "I'm still the senior CSI here, Sara."

"Like it matters right now," she shoots back. "We're going to follow the plan, period."

I get in her face and poke her chest with one finger. "You're not the boss of me," I poke her harder. "Understand?"

She pushes my hand away. Her eyes are a dark shade of brown, full of anger and determination. "If I have to drag your ass, I'll do it," her voice is low and threatening. "Now cut the crap and move on."

I push her once more "Come again."

"Catherine," she sighs heavily. "Don't make me do something you'll regret."

"Oh I'm scared."

"Catherine…" she sighs. "Move. On. Now."

"Make me," I dare her.

We engage ourselves on a stares contest. "Fine," she says in a breath and before I understand what's happening I find myself on her shoulder and she starts walking. I start to thunder her back with my hands as hard as I can.

"Sara!" I scold angrily. "Sara, put me down, right now!" I scream.

"No, I'm not. I refuse to let you mess up with the plan we agreed on. A plan **you** chose. So until you actually grow up…"

"You're going to let me down right now or…" I kick her harder but she doesn't seem to mind so I reach out to the hem of her panties. "Put me down or I'm going to split you in two with your underwear," I tug gently.

She keeps on walking stubbornly not making any sign of letting me down. "Sara," I warn her.

"You do that and I'll bite you."

Yeah right.

I tug hard and she jumps, mindful of her grip on me. I'm starting to get nauseous and dizzy from the position on her shoulder. And I'm getting madder by the seconds. I tug harder this time I feel a sharp pain on my outer thigh close to my ass. "Argh! Sara let me down!"

I keep tugging and she keeps biting. I decide to change tactic and grab a handful of her hair and pull hard. "Catherine, let go!" she says in pain.

"You put me down and then I'll let go," I pull harder.

"Catherine!!"

"Put me down!"

"Promise you'll stop acting stupid."

I pull her hair again but then eventually I give up and let myself hand limply on her shoulder hoping she'll get tired of the weight quickly. I can feel us both oozing with anger.

After a long moment she puts me down. My first reaction is to shove her violently backward and to pass her by.

I walk until I can't see her anymore and sit down on a rock. I can't believe the nerve she has, I can't believe she did what she just did. Who the fuck does she think she is?

"Fuck!" I scream to the nature.

I'm sick of this place, I'm sick of Sara, I'm sick of everything. The situation is taking its toll on me. I'm starting to believe that we won't make our way back home ever. What if I never get to see Lindsey again?

I mean I don't want to be hysterical or melodramatic, but nothing tells me that we're actually going somewhere or that we haven't been making circles. We don't have food anymore and the water…

I bury my head in my hands and find myself crying really hard. How come answering one call on my night off turned so bad? If I had known what was about to happened I would have send Grissom to hell.

I hear branches cracking and I'm startled. I make out Sara's silhouette so I wipe my tears quickly. She walks to me but doesn't say anything. I try to control my tears but for some unknown reason Sara's presence makes me feel weak.

"Hey," she whispers as she kneels down in front of me. I look away not really wanting to face her. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sick of you and of being here. It's driving me crazy…it's been two days and we're still lost!" I say through my tears. "And you…you can't manhandle me like you did… I know I…" my sob swallow my words and I start to cry harder.

"I am sorry Cath," she reaches out for my shoulder but I jerk away. "Cath…" she sighs. "I don't like being here anymore than you do and…I think I'm getting to the end of my rope here…"

She waits for me to look at her but I don't. "You handcuffed me and I went cavewoman on you…our intentions were good but the meanings were wrong... I am really sorry"

I can't help but chuckling a bit. I suppose that when you see it that way then we're even. She cups my face forcing me gently to look at her. Her expression is gentle and caring. "You said it yourself, we only have each other now. We can't change our mind Cath, we can't second guess the plan we agreed on. I know it's unnerving to be here…"

"I just want to be home," I say shaking a bit.

"I know. And I'm sure we're going to find a road or something soon."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I have to hang on tight on the hope we will. That's pretty much all we have now. We're going to make it home."

I nod weakly, desperately needing to believe her. Her thumbs brush my tears away. We stare at each other intently as if speaking silently. She slowly leans in and presses her lips against mine in a soft intense and lingering kiss. I sigh at the contact quickly feeling light headed. My heart flutters and there's a crazy butterfly in my stomach. She pulls back slowly and then pecks my lips once more briefly. She looks at me again and smiles softly. "We're going to make it home, I promise."

I nod once more. I hope she's right. She hugs me tightly for a moment letting me composing myself again.

"Think you're ready to walk some more?" she asks.

"Yeah," I whisper back.

She stands up and holds her hand to me, I take it and we walk back to our 'path'. Thoughtful as she is, she dropped her backpack there so we'd stay on track. She takes her backpack and lets go of my hand. I feel the loss but I don't protest or reach out again. And we start to walk again.

I'm amaze at how quick things can go to an extreme to another with us. One minute we're at each other's throats and then… then we are intimate with one another. I think I'm going to stop asking myself questions as far as we are concerned. So far I only initiated one kiss, otherwise she seems to be in control, but then it's like every time she realizes what happened she puts distance between us.

I think that it's part of what fascinates me with her, the fact that even when things seems obvious – I mean, she likes me or at least there's an attraction between us that even her can't deny, they aren't easy and predictable. As much as I hate to admit it she's slowly working her way to the vicinities of my heart and I'm not one to play with that specific appendage.

I'm startled when I feel her hand taking mine before she entwines our fingers. She doesn't look at me or say anything. I squeeze her hand a little and smile. Funny how such a simple gesture can make me feel giddy and really, really special.

My stomach growls lowly. I breathe out heavily. "You...uh…still have that chocolate 'bar'?" I stress the word 'bar', because I don't think it's the right label anymore. She chuckles at my silent admission of defeat. She was right, food is food, melted or not. "Want to share?"

"Sure."

We stop on a spot clear of trees and she takes the bar out of her back. The bar is limp, Sara holds it up right and opens it a bit. She looks at the content and winces a bit. "Uh…now that's a tough one. Can you open your mouth?" she asks.

I do as told and she puts the pack near my mouth and then presses on it. Sticky and soft melted chocolate, mingled with peanuts and what I assume to be nougat fall on my tongue. It's almost liquid and some drops fall on my lips. I close my mouth and chew before swallowing. "Mmmm…" I hum in fake appreciation. "This is absolutely…"

"Awful," Sara finishes with her mouth full.

Awful is an understatement, but I guess that since we can't have better it could be worse. We laugh softly and finish our 'meal' as much as possible. Before I know it I see her only inches away from me.

"You got some chocolate…" she starts in a whisper before capturing my lips in a soft embrace. She sucks on my bottom lip and traces it with her tongue. I open my mouth, my tongue tentatively asking to play with hers. She deepens the kiss and I feel my knees slowly buckling. I hold onto her fiercely. The kiss is slow and deep, this is so intoxicating.

She pull back harshly and I'm about to ask her what's wrong when she reaches out for her pocket and put her cell out. "Hello?" she asks unsure. My heart starts to race faster as hope is slowly invading me. "Greg?...we are lost…no…lost…in the middle of the forest…. Greg? …I can't… I can't hear you…" she put her other hand over her ear. "We are lost…Catherine and I are in the middle of nowhere… Greg…no…no...don't hang up!... what?...the reception's bad…we don't have food and almost no water….we…Greg?...Greg?... I don't know… we're lost… I…" she looks at her cell phone with distress and then put it back against her ear. "Greg? Greg?... help…Greg…no no no no don't do this to me," she says hastily. "Greg…" her next words die on her lips "Fuck!"

"What?" I ask her. "Sara, talk to me."

"My phone died," she states. She walks to the nearest tree and punches it hard. "Damn it!"

I grit my teeth at the impact knowing that it must have hurt badly. I'll never understand why she hurts herself like she does when she feels out of her depth. I go close to her in order to restrain her if need be. "Sara…" I call her softly, I feel like she was a wild animal I was supposed to tame. I put one of my hands on her shoulder and she jumps slightly so much she was lost in her world. "What did he say?"

"Other than the fact that he couldn't hear me?" she replies with defeat. "I'm not even sure he got my words properly."

I decide to look at the good side, I think we already have enough to deal with without adding something to pull us down. "Well, at least now they know that something is wrong. And with some luck they'll be able to trace the call. They're going to start looking for us now," I smile at her with reassurance.

She takes a few cleansing breath before composing herself again. "We should keep on walking then."

The playfulness of earlier is gone as we start walking again. Once again I reach out for her hand and entwine our fingers. We don't have much at the moment but we have each other and I want her not to forget it.

Two hours later we are still in the wood and there is no bloody road. Sara left me on my own for a few minutes so she could have some privacy. I'm freaking out if I'm honest with myself, and we are in broad daylight. Being here is like being stuck in the dark in an unknown room. I'm scared of the bogey man all over again.

I see something moving and I try to still my nerves. I hope Sara isn't trying to pull a bad joke on me again, I mean after last night I thought she'd have understood that it wasn't funny. "Sara?" I call out. "Sara, it's not funny," I admonish her. "Sara?"

"Yeah?" I'm jump as her voice comes from behind me. I turn around and she's looking at me puzzled. "Cath? Something's wrong?" she asks as she damps a tissue to clean her hands

I frown and look back in the opposite direction. I think my imagination is working a little too much. "I just…nothing," I shake my head.

"Are you okay?" her voice is filled with concern.

"Yeah, I thought I saw something but… never mind."

She shrugs and we start walking again. I keep looking around. A part of me is certain that I saw something or maybe someone moving in the wood, and another is telling me that I imagine it all. I mean I'm so not at ease in this environment that it wouldn't be so surprising or odd that my fear took control of my imagination for a second. I'm slightly tense and I think she feels it.

"There was a big tree in my garden… my brothers and I were playing monkeys on it," she says out of the blue. She smiles at her memory and I can't help but feel privileged to be the one she shares it with. "They were all doing a somersault backward and I couldn't make it. And since they were teasing me I kept trying. I fell flat on my ass knocking my head against the bole."

"Ouch," I wince with a chuckle.

"Like that would stop me. I tried again for the same result."

"Unbelievable," I shake my head. Somehow it's not so surprising. Knowing how she's stubborn nowadays I can only imagine a cute little Sara not giving up until she succeeded. "Stubborn as you are you didn't quit, did you?"

"Hey, I was telling myself that it was part the learning, you know… 'no pain, no gain'," she shrugs. "So yeah, I tried again and again and always ended on my ass, knocking my head. I don't know if it was the eighth or the tenth times but when I knocked my head it felt really bad. I opened my head," she laughed softly. "But on the bright side when I tried again three days later I landed on my feet after the fourth try."

"Daredevil and stubborn…Boy, your parents must have had a handful with you," I joke.

"My brothers…my brothers had a handful with me," she corrects me softly with a little smile. I decide to content myself with her silent admission rather than pushing the issue.

"Well…It certainly explains a lot of things now…" I bite my lips not to laugh.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" she asks with a smile.

"You know…" I make little circles next to my temple, the universal sign for 'looney'.

"Hey!" she starts to tickle me in response. I squeal and try to escape her grip. I'm facing her and we struggle gently. I grab her wrists, trying to catch my breath back. "Beg for mercy."

"You wish," I stick my tongue out at her.

She leans closer to me, I shudder against my will, feeling all my reason fleeing through the window. "Bad answer," she swiftly removes her hands from my grip and then squeezes my waist which makes me jump. I hold on her shoulders so I don't fall on my ass. She keeps on tickling me and I'm about to pass out from oxygen loss. I decide to distract her and capture her lips. After a moment her hands slowly circle my waist so she can hold me firmly. I'm addicted to her lips, to her. I intended to keep the kiss short and teasing, but trying to keep control with Sara is like trying to kill a wild fire with a single glass of water.

We stumble a bit not breaking the kiss, it's hard to stay stand when your legs turn into cotton. She's kissing me with a hunger for more. Then her lips leave my lips only to rest on my neck. I'm trying hard not to forget to breathe. She's sucking on my flesh biting it softly. I flex my hands reflexively on her shoulders.

I open my eyes as I don't feel her lips on mine anymore. I'm about to ask her what's the problem when I realize that she's looking at something above my shoulder.

"Someone made a fire," she states.

She let's go of me and gets closer to what looks like a circle of rocks surrounding ashes. Well if it wasn't for the location it looks like the dead fire we left this morning. She kneels down and hovers her hand close to it. "It's still warm."

"Under this heat it was to be expected. I mean the sun is hitting so bad…"

"Yeah. Well, let's look at the bright side. Someone came here, whether it's recent or old it means that we're possibly on the right direction."

"If someone was here there should be prints, or evidence of that," being CSI is more than a job it's a way of living.

"Well, nature isn't exactly the best place to preserve evidence. But then again we don't know how old those ashes are."

"I guess you were right then," I tell her. She looks at me puzzled. "We're close to something."

She smiles in response. Whatever she was about to say is cut off by a loud rumble. We look up at the sky in unison.

"You got to be kidding," she mutters.

You'd think that there's nothing worse than the desert heat, well Nevada rains are quite something on their own. It's always from an extreme to another, dry and unbearable heat or pouring rain for days to no end.

"We better keep moving, with some luck we might find something before it starts to rain."

We look at the pile of ashes once more and then start to walk again.

I should be glad, this is the most tangible proof that there is hope. However I got this nagging feeling that this is not a good sign. I saw something earlier and I can't help but wandering if we are as alone as we think we are. This line of thinking only increases my fears and paranoia starts to spread in my vein. Suddenly I feel like we were observed, like there was a danger out there waiting for the opportune moment to strike, a presence lurking in the depth of this forest. I hope I'm just overreacting, but my guts tell me another story.

Let's hope I'm wrong.

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**Alrighty, that's for now. I'll try to come back for more soon, but I'm supposed to go on a trip so, no promises.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Howdy oh everyone! Alright here's the new chap (at last), thank you all for your reviews you rock!**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**ps: thank you **scuby** ;)**

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**Chapter 7**

"You want to take a break?" Sara asks me.

We've been walking for over three hours since we found the fire. I'm starting to be worn off, lack of food and proper sleep makes it harder for me to keep up. I know I'm in good shape for my age – not that I see myself as old, but I need to refill the battery properly, and it's been over two days since that last happened. I know I can walk on for at least another day or maybe two but certainly not at the pace we're having.

"Do you mind?" I answer with another question.

"Not at all Cath, let's stop for a moment," she smiles softly.

I sit on a rock and take a deep breath. The air is thick with tension, thunder has been rumbling non stop and rain has yet to come.

"Are you alright?"

"My energy is running out," I tell her honestly. To my surprise she kneels down at my level cups my cheek and delivers a sweet lingering kiss on my forehead. She pulls back and is about to stand up again but I take her hand and pull her to me kissing her softly on the lips before resting my forehead against her. I'm not going to try to find a motive behind my gesture or explain it, I just wanted to, plain and simple.

She doesn't say anything just stays there until I straighten up. She sits next to me and my hand finds hers, I entwine our fingers, lean my head on her shoulder and we stay in silence for the five minutes.

"I need to…" I trail off but she gets my point. "I'll be right back," she nods and I butterfly kiss her on the lips before engulfing myself in the forest.

I go far enough to be isolated but not too far. I still don't feel comfortable here but not to the point I'd have to ask Sara to stay near me in such a private moment.

I start to make my way back when I have the distinct feeling that someone is near me, and there's this nagging thought that it's not a good thing. "Sara?" I call in a shaky voice. I don't get any response so I conclude that my mind must be once again playing tricks on me – or at least I hope so.

I hurry my pace, seeking for the feeling of safety Sara's presence provides me. Something catches my eyes something glowing in a bush. I get closer and take a look. I gasp when I identify what it is. I turn around and run back to Sara as fast as I can. I stop dead in my track putting my hands in front of me in defence slipping on the ground with the abrupt halt. Sara was about to rip my head off with a big thick branch but stopped at the last moment.

My heart is thundering in my chest and had it been a few minutes ago I would have peed myself.

"Shit, Cath!" she breathes out with relief.

"You tried to kill me?" I ask her with disbelief.

"I thought…there's someone in the wood…someone was there, I called but it wasn't you… I'm sorry…I'm…" she keeps on rambling.

I stand up and try to gather my thoughts. "There's a hand…"

"What?" she stops talking with a frown.

"There's a hand…in the wood…there's a hand," I say breathless.

"You found a body and I'm sure that someone was here..."

"Not a body Sara," I correct her. "A hand and from the look of it, it was still on a body not so long ago."

"We have to get out of here, we…"

Thunder rumbles loudly and little drops start to fall on us. It takes less than a minute for the little drops to change into pouring rain. And here we thought we'd avoid it.

Lady Luck is laughing in our faces just like she's been doing from the very beginning of this nightmare almost three days ago. There's no reason to stay where we are since nature didn't provide us any shelter, and we need to get away from the potential danger around us.

"Let's get on the move Cath," Sara says firmly taking the lead once again, I just nod and follow her. Our pace is quick but we're not running, no real point there we're still lost and no matter what we'll be soaked to the bone, if I have to die of pneumonia I don't want to add a broken limb to the list.

Every time I leave her field vision Sara looks at me to be sure that I'm still here. She's a bit agitated since earlier and she's looking at our surrounding with great interest. The rain has lessened a little bit but is still pouring.

She turns to me "You're okay?" she asks me with concerned.

"Yeah…"

She's about to speak again when she snaps her head up and looks at something above my shoulder I turn around quickly but I don't see anything. I turn to her again and she's scrutinizing the wood "Sara…" I step closer to her.

"It's here…we're not alone."

"Don't mock me again Sara," I beg in desperation.

"I'm not Cath, someone is near us, I…"

I'm about to ask her what is it when something reaches my ears. A melody, a childish tune, the voice seems to come from all around us, we can't define the source of it though. I can feel goose bumps rising on my skin as cold sweat starts to drip along my spine.

"Ring around the rosy…" the voice is low and makes me feel like slugs were running under my skin. "…pocket full of poses…" there's laughter in the voice, I can picture a mean smile on the face of whoever is near us. "…ashes, ashes…we all fall down…"

Sara and I are looking at all direction trying to localise the source of the song but the wood amplifies everything and makes it resonated all over.

The rain becomes stronger, smothering the voice and covering any sound of movement. I see a furtive shadow moving on the wood but it disappears as fast as it appeared. Sara and I look at each other and as a silent agreement we start to run. We're running away from we don't know what or who and we have no idea of where we're going. It might be fear but I swear I can feel the shadow moving with us, like a danger coming on us at great speed.

The ground is slippery and irregular, several times Sara and I lose balance but we keep on running highly charged with adrenaline. My heart is pounding so loud that I can barely hear anything else.

Suddenly something snatches my ankle and I fall flat on my chest. My breath is cut short but I don't dwell on the pain and start trying to stand up again but a hand is firmly gripped on my ankle. I kick back and manage to free myself, but it's short lived less than two seconds later a arm surrounds me painfully blocking my arms along my body and I'm lift off the ground like a simple leaf before being pull backward and then down. "Sa…" is all I can scream as another hand covers my mouth firmly almost smothering me. "Shhh…" a hot breath burns my ear. I start to shake uncontrollably as fear slowly takes possession of my entire being.

"Cath!! Cath!!" I hear Sara's distant voice shouting. "Cath!" her voice is laced with worry and fear. I hear her getting closer and I trying to warn her but the more I move the more the grip on me tightens.

Sara's figure appears in my field of vision. I can see panic written all over her face. I want to scream or warn her of the danger but whoever is holding me is crushing me tightly preventing me to do anything.

Sara draws her gun out pointing it around. I crash my heel on a branch, the noise is load enough for Sara to hear it as she shifts in our direction immediately. I'm rewarded by being crushed a little more.

Sara starts to move in our direction with cautious steps, I feel a twinge of hope but suddenly another shadow rises up from behind Sara and I realise that my move might have doomed us for good.

This is the end of the nightmare and the beginning of Hell.

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**I know, I know, it's awfully short but I'm already working on the next chap which will be longer I promise. So please don't hate me ;)**

**Thanks for reading**


	8. Chapter 8

**Howdy! I'd like to thank you for your reviews you are great. Here's the update.**

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**Ps: **scuby** thank you for everything and working through this with me.**

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**Chapter 8**

Everything happens in a blur. One second Sara is standing and the next the shadow behind her disarms her and knocks her down. I feel my hair being pulled violently backward and then I'm force to stand. I close my eyes and grit my teeth at the pain and let whoever is behind me moving me like I was some inarticulate puppet.

As we get closer to Sara and I take time to study the second figure. He's young male, in his early thirties, the pouring rain makes his feature blurry and his pepper blonde hair is sticking to his skin. The man is holding Sara's gun and is aiming at her.

Sara's on the ground holding her jaw and ribs in pain, she looks at her attacker with defiance.

"Who sent you?" the voice behind me asks calmly.

"Little green men from space…" Sara snorts. "What do you mean, who sent us?"

Neither of the men – I assume that it's a man holding me by the sound of the voice and the strength of the grasp on me, laugh at Sara's wittiness. Without warning I feel a fist crashing in my stomach. I can see black dots clouding my vision as oxygen leaves me. That hurts.

Son of a…

"Cath!" Sara tries to stand up but the man in front of her waves the gun slowly.

"Don't" is the only word he utters with a smoky voice.

"Who sent you?" the voice behind me asks again.

"No one!" Sara replies.

My stomach welcomes another blow and I fall on my knees coughing.

"I answered you, leave her alone you son of a…" she doesn't get the chance to finish her thought for the boot of the other man connects with her stomach several times in the row. "No one…sent us…" she finally repeats through her teeth.

I'm being pulled on my feet again. I'm heaving trying to make abstraction of the pain. "You are the unit Delta Charlie…now stop mocking me and tell me who sent you!" The voice becomes angrier.

"Nobody sent us…we are CSIs, we ran out of gas on our way back…" I inform them. I'm rewarded by another blow.

"She tells you the truth stop hitting her asshole!" this time Sara is hit in the face with the butt of the gun, Sara's head jerks backward but she looks back at the one who hit her with rage in her eyes.

"You called for back up…who's going to come? The FBI?" the voice asks.

"We work for the Las Vegas crime lab, we were on a scene and we got lost, we called our HQ for direction, nothing else," I say as drops of waters are jumping and bouncing on my face.

My aggressor pulls my hair violently, shaking me like a doll. "You think I'm stupid?!" his hot breath is burning my ear. "Last try…" he warns. "Who's going to come?"

"The police, most likely," the one holding the gun answers.

"See, Ben? I told you, they're everywhere and they know everything," the voice behind me chuckles.

"Let us go, we are no threats, we are just lost…" Sara says.

"Are you telling us what to do?" the calm and deep voice of the guy named Ben asks as he puts the barrel of the gun under Sara's chin.

"No I'm…just saying," Ben lets go of her but the gun is still aiming at her.

"We can talk this through, nobody knows we're here…" I try to resonate.

"There's nothing to talk about, you are a mere distraction in our plan," the voice behind me whispers.

"Let's try to find a compromise before making things we might regret, we can…" Sara tries.

A gun shot rings.

"Sara!" I scream as I see her body jerking backward. She straightens up again she's holding her left arm. I try to move to her but the grip on my hair tightens and I grunt in pain.

"Stop hurting her!" Sara growls.

"Or what?" Ben dares her.

"Sara," I call her again. I can see her gritting her teeth and I hear her hiss in pain.

"Take the rope in your back," the voice orders Sara.

"I don't…" she starts, I don't know if she finishes her answer, what I do know is that my jaw hurt from the punch I get. I fall on the ground. I feel a bit dizzy. I look at my aggressor for the first time. He's tall, with dark hair and piercing green eyes. The pouring rain changed his clothes into a second skin making visible the muscles of his large frame.

"Take the rope in your bag," the voice repeats, this time Sara complies. She moves slowly mindful of the gun pointed in her direction. I feel something cold being pressed against my cheek. I have a quick glimpse at a hunting knife before feeling it against my throat. "Ben, tie her hands," he orders to his accomplice. The blade of the knife is pressed forcefully against my skin in case Sara would come up with a bad idea.

Ben, kicks Sara a few times before tying her hands never letting go of the gun. "Down, Ben," my aggressor tell him with a light laugh. I wince as if I could feel Sara's pain. "Tie her up," this time he speaks to Sara. Ben gives the rest of the rope to Sara and she stands on her knees before moving a bit closer to me.

I feel pressure behind my knees as I'm forced to kneel down, the blade retreats from my throats as I move but my hair is hold in a tight grip. Sara takes my hands slowly and I find a tiny piece of comfort in the contact. Our eyes are locked, we are both uncertain of the outcome of our current situation. Sara is deliberately slow in her movement, she ties my hands but not too tight. Her own hands are shaking and blood is pouring from her arm, tainting her shirt slowly.

Her jaw and cheek bone are bruised. She smiles softly at me in a reassuring gesture. I can feel my heart tightens already picturing the worse case scenarios.

"Are you okay?" I ask hastily in a whisper.

"Yeah, it just grazed me," she refers to the bullet.

"If you have last thoughts to share I suggest you do it now," the voice behind me chuckles.

Once Sara is done she surprises me by passing her tied hands around my neck and holding me fiercely. "We'll make it back home," she whispers. "I promised, and always keep my word," her voice is wavering and if a part of me desperately clings onto that hope the more reasonable one thinks that it's an illusion. I'm still grateful for this is what I need to hear, that everything will be okay, that soon this nightmare will be over.

"Sara, I…" I start with a shaky voice but then trail off. There are so many things I want to tell her, things I never thought I'd say until recently. My heart is beating erratically and a sob escapes me. She holds me tighter if that's possible. Then she's pulled away from me by Ben. "No, no!" I panic, she struggles but he eventually hurt her so she lets go of me.

"Let's get this over with," Ben growls.

"What are you going to do?" I ask as he pulls Sara on her feet grabbing her hard on her injured arm.

"Ben and Sara are going to have a little walk while you and I will enjoy exclusive time together," says the voice behind me.

There's a flash of light as thunder rumbles. Ben looks up a bit startled but composes himself again quickly. "Ben," the voice behind me calls him into order.

Ben drags Sara along as they start to head in the wood. Sara struggles and turns to me. "Don't worry…it's alright…"

"Sara!" I call her in despair feeling as if a part of me was ripped off.

"I'll keep my word!"

"Sara, I…" once again words fail me. I manage to get away from the grip holding me and stumble down, I try to follow her but a strong arm comes around my waist and literally lifts me off the ground. I wriggle and struggle but I'm powerless as I see Sara's figure disappearing in the woods dragged away by Ben.

I'm scared that this is the probably the last time I see her. I beg any high power that might be, to wake up in my bed and realize that all of this was nothing but a dream.

"Sara!" I call again but to no one. The grasp on me become stronger to my body is flushed against the unknown man behind me. "What is he going to do to her?"

"What do you think?" he chuckles.

I feel a shiver running down my spine and I know that the cold rain damping my clothes has nothing to do with this. "You don't have to do this…we can go and no one will know we crossed your way…we don't want any trouble…"

"You became a trouble the minute you stepped in this wood."

I start to wriggle and try to get out of his grip. I step on his foot and kick him as hard as I can with my elbow. I fall down but stand up quickly and start to run. I can hear him swearing before running after me. It's barely one minute before I feel his arm around me once more. I feel a sharp pain on my ribs and then see the blade of the knife shinning under the moonlight before being pressed against my cheek.

"Eager to leave me?" the voice asks as the arm around my waist crushes me. The tip of the blade pierced my skin and I hiss at the sting.

"Let me go please…I have…have a daughter…please," I plead hoping to get to him, hoping to call out his humanity. Funny how when you think everything is over, you bargain for your life. All pride and dignity suddenly fly out the window.

"Do you think I care if your little princess grows up without her mommy dearest?" he asks me sharply. "Let me help you there…I don't give a flying fuck!"

I close my eyes as the blade travels slowly along my cheek cutting me in the process.

I beg not to gag when I feel his lips closing on my earlobe. "You know…hearing you last night was a real turn on," he says before nibbling on my lobe. I close my lips tightly, feeling like something sticky was running under my skin. I'm going to be sick.

His hand starts to wander on my body and I stiff up. I start to struggle as his hand finds my breasts "If we had more time…" his hand caresses my stomach and I feel bile rising. "I'll make it worth your time…" I let out a scream as he cups me. I try to fight but I feel the blade hurting my throat. "You would…"

A gunshot resounds and I feel like a freezing hand was squeezing my heart. Thunders rumble again and then two more gunshots are heard and I feel like choking. The grasp on me gets loose.

"Sara!!" I scream to the darkness. My legs give up on me and I fall on the ground. "Sara…" I repeat sobbing, I know that pouring rain isn't the only thing rolling down my cheek.

I start to shake violently, my mind spins with all the words I should have said to Sara, with the unbearable pain…she's dead…I can feel it.

My hair is pulled again, hard enough to scalp me if I don't stand up. "Times up, we have to do…" the voice growls.

I resist but I'm dragged along. "You made a big mistake…you won't get away with it…they'll find you…and…"

He pulls my hair so his mouth is once more to my ear. "By the time they finally gathers all the parts of your bodies, we'll be far gone."

I start to kick with my elbows again, rage slowly taking possession of my body. I don't want to die but I'm coming to the realisation that it's going to happen anyway. I wished I had a chance to see Lindsey again and let her know that I love her. I wish I had let Sara know that I…

If I'm going to die I won't go without a fight.

I'm ready.

"You don't have the guts to kill me!"

"Is that so?" he laughs.

"You're pathetic…"

I'm turned around and meet his fist with lightening speed. I fly to the floor, I breathe deep and stand up as fast as I can and before I know it the blade whistles in the air before making contact with my flesh. I scream in pain feeling the blade sliding in the side of my shoulder like it was nothing but butter, blood drops flying everywhere mingling with the rain.

"Is that so?!" he repeats holding my neck in a crushing grips. "I was about to kill you quick and painlessly, but now I changed my mind," he says through his teeth, the blade on my cheek.

I close my eyes and made up my mind. I wrap my mind around the image of smiling Lindsey and I try to feel Sara's arms around me, recreating this feeling of safety and strength she provided me.

I open my eyes again and look straight into the piercing green eyes in front of me. I can feel his hot breath tingling my lips as he's heaving like a bull ready to charge. Lightening strikes again and for the first time I get a clear vision of his face. I see a scar on his left eyebrow. I know with absolute clarity that if I survive this face will haunt my nightmares.

My body shakes with electric tension, and I can feel adrenaline being pumped through my veins. We keep staring at each other almost daring the other to do the next move.

In a swift movement I send my knee in his groin. He loses his breath and his grip gets loose. I struggle to escape but he jumps at me making me fall on the ground. I wriggle, and try to fight him back as much as I can with my bounded hands. I kick him in the stomach with my leg and hit his face with my hand. I crawl away trying to stand again, but he grabs my ankle and I fell again. I kick his face several time until lets go. I hear his moans of pain and while he's holding his face I get on my feet and run for my life into the wood. I can feel him hot on my feet.

"You're one feisty bitch…" he laughs in the night.

I run as fast as I can but it's dark and the roots of trees and the shape of the ground makes me lose my footing more than once. I try to protect my face with my hand but it's useless. My lungs are already burning with the effort and I know that I'm in no shape to run forever. I look back to see if he's still behind me feeling his presence but my foot trips on a root and I fall with the speed of the movement. I roll down on the floor and I feel a sharp pain on my lower side. I look down and realise that a piece of wood that was on the ground just stabbed me. I don't dwell on the pain hearing footsteps coming my way hastily.

I stand up and bite my lips not to make a sound as I feel pain ripping through me. I take a few breaths and then stand up shakily. My heart is beating hard and fast, I feel my side and in spite of the cold rain and can feel hot liquid on my hands.

"You can run…but you can't hide…" I hear his voice screaming.

Panic makes me disoriented so I can't really tell where his voice is coming from but I know he's near. I stand up again and start to run but the pain on my side is hurting too much so I stumble down. I more or less walk for a few more metres before stopping behind a big tree.

Don't stop now, Cath, don't stop.

I close my eyes tight and try to block the pain. I start to walk again leaning on trees as I go. I hear branches crack near me and fear sets in the pit of my stomach again.

I freeze trying to focus on the sounds around me. I hold my breath hoping that it's just my mind playing with me. I'm about to continue my walk when I can feel with certitude that I'm not alone. I can feel danger hovering me, death right behind. I try to gather all my strength feeling that this is it, it's the end.

Don't go without a fight.

It's the last thought I have before feeling a hand gripping my mouth firmly and an arm circling me as I try to get away.

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**Oh snap! Don't tell me it's the end of the chap...I guess I should go work on what's coming next then... :p**

**Thanks for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Howdy everyone, I'm sorry for the delay, but I was physically unable to write anything these last days. I'm back on track now so here's some more...**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**Ps: **scuby** thanks for working with me through this one ;)**

chimp1984**, meh… you're not always wrong…though I can't say you're right here...not completely :P (btw congrats for the wedding if I hadn't said so before, all my wishes of happiness for you and your beloved :D )**

reader**, sorry for the delay…I'm faster usually :)**

angelimmortal, **there's your fix ;)**

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Chapter 9

I'm desperately trying to get away from the grip around me but the more I move and the more it tightens, my heart is beating with the powerfulness of a thousand jackhammers. I kick back but I still feel myself being dragged away.

"Leaving so soon…" a voice pants in my ear. My panic intensifies as I realize that it's Ben.

"Where are you beautiful?" I can hear the other one screaming not far from here.

"Over here Kyle! I got her!" Ben screams.

So the voice has a name. Kyle…

I bite the hand over my mouth and try to get away but I only receive a blow in response which cuts my breathing. "Bitch!" Ben exclaims.

I hear hurried footsteps coming closer, Ben turn us around and soon I see Kyle coming out of the wood. He has a mad grin gracing his lips, one promising that whatever will happen from now on won't be nice, at least on my side. My body is shaking like a leaf at the thought.

"I think you lost something," Ben jokes before pushing me to Kyle. I stumble before bumping myself against Kyle's chest. He grabs my jaw so hard I'm afraid it will break into pieces.

His expression is cold and full of rage, his face wears the evidence of its previous encounter with my shoe and even if it's only a tiny victory I'm glad that I hurt him somehow. He takes out his knife and points it against my cheek, turning it slowly until it gets through my skin. I hiss in pain at the sharp pain. "Oh baby, you did the only thing you shouldn't have done," he says calmly with his perverse smile. The expression in his eyes changes immediately, the fire of craziness lights up suddenly. He runs the blade of the knife down my cheek cutting me along. "You pissed me off," he whispers. I can feel hot liquid dripping from my jaw and mingling with the cold water of the pouring rain.

He holds my gaze and I know right at this moment that I might not survive from this. "Where's the other one?" he asks Ben.

"She's dead, that bitch was a handful," Ben laughs.

I feel my head spinning as I register his words. She's dead…

Sara is dead…

Even if I had expected it there was still a big part of me hoping that she had managed to get away somehow.

I feel my legs giving up on me but the grip Kyle has on me prevents me from falling down. He pulls his knife away and grabs one of my arms before twisting it behind my back with force. He grips my hair with his other hand and I am now standing along side to him. If I thought that he was hurting me before, it was nothing compare to the pain I feel now.

"Let's go," Kyle growls.

He all but drags me with him, I do my best to follow his strong pace but I'm unsteady on my feet and the burning on my side isn't helping. I stumble and trip over branches but Kyle's grip never gets loose. He holds me so tightly that I'm afraid my shoulder will snap from the pressure, just as my scalp will be ripped off my cranium. I can see alternatively the form of Ben following us.

I couldn't say how much time we walk but at some point Kyle slows down before coming to a halt. It's a spot clear of trees, I can see camping gears. I feel a lump forming in my throat as tears make their way back in my eyes. Our backpacks are there too, Sara's…they had taken them off us when they had caught us. Ben must have brought them back here once he… I can see bloody prints on Sara's and I can't help the sob crossing my lips.

I'm tossed forward like a doll. I fall on the ground and use my bounded hands as much as I can to soften my landing. "Tie her to him," Kyle says.

I have barely the time to take in my surroundings that Ben grabs my injured shoulder and drags me on my knees. I had failed to notice it before but there's a body on the ground, a body with a missing arm. I'd say it's a man, or at least it was. I don't know what they did to him but his face is bloody and swollen and his body…I think a serious session of torture has taken place here.

Out of nowhere I feel a fist crashing against my cheekbone, I'm stunned by the impact. I'm moved around then I feel the rope around my wrists being loosened only to feel my right wrist being tied again.

When I look up my wrist is bound to the dead man. Oh hell no…

I start to pull at my wrist in a vain attempt to free myself. This is disgusting. Alright I work with dead bodies most of the time but I don't have to be so 'intimate' with them.

"No, please no…tie me to a tree…anything…not this…please…" I ask the twosome, but they ignore me. "Please…please…don't do this to me…" My despair might be funny judging the two jackasses laughing their asses off.

I move as far as I can but it's still too close to the body in my opinion. I pull my hand and twist it in every sense to see if I can slip through the knot. The bloody hand of the dead man catches my wrist which makes me scream "Fuck…he's alive…" I panic and jerk away as much as possible "Please…ask me anything…anything…just don't leave like this…" I start to cry. I just can't stay chain to a body soon to be dead – how he managed to survive so far is beyond me seeing his shape. "Please…please…" but my plea only serves to make them laugh harder.

This is hell, this is hell…

After taking a few cleansing breaths to calm down again, I try to find a rock, or anything that would help me to cut the rope.

I watch Ben and Kyle who just don't give a fuck about me. They are now standing and seem busy moving money around. I decide to take advantage of the fact that they're not watching me. I find a sharp rock and start to rub it against the rope hoping to cut it eventually… yeah right.

The knots are too tight and the rock doesn't cut shit.

Fuck!

Maybe this is it, maybe it's time to give up, to accept that I'll die no matter what. I feel drained and I don't think I have any strength left in me. I wish Sara was there with me. I know it's selfish but I wish she was. I've never felt so secured by someone's presence before, but Sara made everything easier, I never thought I'd say those words one day but it's true. I wish I could have told her goodbye properly, I wish we had stayed in the car.

Hot tears are running down my cheeks. I lost her, and I'm about to lose everything else. I can only hope she didn't suffer.

I'm startled by the sound of metal hitting the ground. I look and see a shovel at my feet. Ben grabs my hair and pulls me up, my right arm is stretched because of the tied hands. He puts the shovel in my hands. "Dig," he orders pointing the gun at my head.

"No," I reply.

He pulls on my hair harder almost snapping my neck. "Dig!"

"You're going to kill me no matter what I do, so go fuck yourself…"

"You're right, but if you dig that hole I can assure you that your death will be painless, one quick shot in the head. Now, if I have to dig that hole myself, I promise I'll torture you just enough for you to wish you were dead before burying you alive along with what's left of Ed right here."

I gulp and I can feel him smile at my reaction. "Dig," he repeats. I take the shovel and start digging my own grave thinking that as long as I dig they won't kill me.

I clench my teeth as each movement brings pain to my already sensitive side. As I'm digging I'm thinking about my life. I can't say that it was really bad. Sure I've had rough times, but then again, who hasn't? And I've been blessed with a daughter. Lindsey…

What I wouldn't give right now to have the chance to be with her and to let her know that I love her. Life is cruel with her, she lost her father in an accident and now she's about to lose her mother to the hands of two psychopaths.

Time seems to run slowly, soon I find myself almost knee deep in the hole I'm digging. The rain is till pouring but in a less violent way. I can hear Kyle's voice humming that creepy rhyme from earlier.

Ring around the rosy… I've always hated this song. I'll never understand how a rhyme about the plague was supposed to lull me into sleep and help me having good dreams. I swear every time my mom would sing it to us when we were kids, it gave me the creeps. And now, listening psycho boy humming it just makes it worse.

Ben hits me not too gently with the butt of gun in the temple. "Keep digging," he orders before stepping away and going to Kyle.

I shake my head bit against the pain, if only I could I'd give them back each blow ten times. I swear, given the chance I'd make those motherfuckers regretting being born.

I can see them going in the forest again, leaving me here on my own. I could try to run but with a dead body attached to my wrist I won't go far. I put the shovel down and get out of the hole.

Think Catherine, think…

My eyes fall on Ed's body, I don't know if he's dead yet, but he seems unconscious. I take a deep breath and quickly start to search his pockets. With the blood all over him it's really disgusting and hard to feel anything. Sparkle of hope and excitement ignites in me as I feel what I hope is a pocket knife. I pull my hand out and sigh in relief when I see that it is a pocket knife.

I look around to make sure that dumb and dumber are still away, I wait for a second or two and then discreetly try to work on the rope around my hand. The knife doesn't cut really well since it's slippery. I don't dwell on it and add some energy to the move.

"We need to get rid of the body of the first one, then we bury this one…"

"We can just bury this one and keep on with the plan…" Ben provides.

I really don't like what I'm hearing. I stop all my movement and try not to look like I was about to set myself free again, but I soon realize that they are too caught up in their conversation to notice, so I keep cutting the rope discreetly.

They are discussing animatedly about the money, the stunt they pulled to get it, and where they're going to go from here.

My heart starts to beat faster as I feel the rope finally giving away. I force myself to keep my cool and start to move away backward slowly.

"…I have to tell you, that was a brilliant idea you had," I hear Kyle saying.

"What about?"

"About the fact that two cuts of that money are better than three," Kyle chuckles.

"Right," Ben laughs. "One million and a half each…"

"Not bad," they bump their fists together.

"I never liked Ed anyway, that ass didn't do anything to help us…besides he would have wasted it, whereas us, my friend, have a good plan," Ben adds.

"That's for sure…" Kyle smiles and I have a gut feeling that something is off. I can feel something coming, something bad. In my experience, where there's a lot of money and there's some sharing implied, then there's a lot of troubles. And something tells me that one of them was thinking from the very beginning that if three was too big of a number, two is still one too many.

I move back, inches by inches, slowly but surely getting away.

"You know what Benny?" Kyle asks him with a smile that gives me the creep. This time I crawl away from the body, ready to bolt.

"What?" Ben turns to him.

I barely see the blade flashing in the moonlight before plunging in Ben's stomach. Ben gasps in surprise, stunned by the pain. I'm startled by the action and I feel adrenaline starting to make me shake. I start to move even further. Not running so I don't attract attention to myself but as fast as possible in a discreet way.

Kyle grabs Ben's neck and looks at him in the eyes. Ben's eyes look like they are about to pop out of their sockets. "I think one cut is even better than two," Kyle laughs slowly before stabbing Ben again. Ben makes a gargle sound as blood invades his mouth.

This time I turn around and start to run a bit. As much as I want to escape I'm hurt and tired and I need a little time to gather the little strength I got left. So I hide against the first big tree I find. I can afford any mistake now, I know this is my last chance to ever get away from here and survive.

"Bitch!" I hear behind me. "Oh that's how you want to play? Kyle laughs. "You better run fast because the minute I put a hand on you, you'll regret being alive!" he threats.

Whatever he was about to say is smother by the sound of a gunshot. I don't dare looking back to know what happened and just start to run with all I have.

I run as fast as I can, putting the hurt in the back of my mind, only thinking about Lindsey and Sara. I guess it's true what they say about survival instinct. It gives you strength you didn't know you had, and it makes you capable of anything. I find myself running faster than I ever did, getting up immediately when I trip down only to keep running. I'm out of breath and my blood is burning my veins.

I know that I'll fight to death if need be. It's not like I had any other option now. If I'm caught I'm dead, on the other hand I might die out of exhaustion, pneumonia and infection of my wounds if I don't find help any time soon.

I eventually need to stop for a moment if only to catch my breath again. I can hear blood pounding in my ears and I'm afraid my heart will destroy my ribcage in a few seconds.

I bend forward using my knees as support. I'm taking deep breaths but it doesn't seem to be enough. The scent of the vegetation under the rain is intoxicating in the wrong side of the term. I straighten up and close my eyes.

That's when I feel it, the gut feeling that I'm not alone. I start to run again, just as I'm about to turn around to check if I'm followed, something collides on my side with blunt force. I stumble and start to roll on the ground with the momentum. I'm pinned down and my first reflex is to punch and debate myself.

My fists are caught and then a hand comes to rest on my mouth, and in a second of clarity I realise that something is off. The grip on me is loose and not aggressive. I focus so I can see a face with the pale rays of light the moon provides.

It can't be…

Several things might have occurred in the past minute: I might have died earlier without noticing or I'm unconscious, or the pain is making have hallucination… in any case I see Sara straddling me, her expression is a mix of panic and care.

"Shh...It's me…it's me…"

She's in bad shape I can tell, but more importantly she's alive. I stop moving and she releases her grip on me, moving at my side. She takes her hand off my mouth cautiously.

"I'm sorry," she says. "Are you okay?"

I don't bother answering I reach out a hand to cup her cheek. Yep, I can feel it. I take her in my arms, I hold her as tight as possible to convince myself that she's there, that I'm not dreaming. All my emotions flow back and tears mingle on my face with the fain, burning my wound a bit. "They said you were dead…" I sob, shaking like a leaf. "They said you were dead…"

She rocks me gently. "Shh…it's alright…I'm alright."

I cling onto her as if my life depended on it. I can't express how I feel right now to know that she's there, alive.

"Are you okay?" she repeats once she pulls back. She looks at me with concerned.

"Yeah," I nod.

I jump a little as her fingers graze the wound on my stomach. "Cath, it looks deep."

"It is but I don't think it hurt anything bad," I say with a wince. "What happened? They said they killed you…the gunshots…I thought…"

"Ben was actually scared of thunder and that's probably what saved me, that and the fact that he would surely miss an elephant in a corridor…"

I hug her once more, just to make sure that I'm awake and that she's really here. I pull back and I kiss her fiercely. When I pull back I lean my forehead against hers. Whatever I was feeling before is tenfold now.

She's alive.

"What happened on your side?" she asks me.

"I escaped them a first time, but …They did something to get three millions. Then they killed Ed not to share with him, they tied me to his body…Then Kyle killed Ben and I ran away… there was a gunshot then I don't know…"

"Ben is dead, and Kyle is still unconscious or at least I hope so. I knocked him down with the shovel when he was over killing Ben, then I ran and I found you… we should go, because I don't think I killed him."

I kiss her one more time and then stand up. We walk away almost running. I can see that even if she doesn't say it she's in pain, her steps aren't steady and I think she's limping. I don't know what happened with Ben but it appears that she had a bad treatment just like I did.

Her presence gives me a new found energy. For some reason I feel that as long as we stay together then we'll make it out of here no matter what it's going to take.

The forest starts to be less dense as there are more and more clear spots with nothing but rock. The ground is irregular but I can feel that we're getting out of the wood. Hope is growing on me we might be reaching the end of the nightmare. Sara and I don't talk just move on as much as possible, we're already working on our last resources, even if adrenaline and survival instinct are keeping us on track at the moment, our bodies will eventually reach their limits.

Mind helps, but it doesn't do everything. At point or another physical and emotional exhaustion, pain and lack of care will catch up with us and doomed us.

"Cath, are you alright?" Sara asks me, slowing down her pace a bit.

Truth to be told I'm not, but I'm not going to lose the little energy I have to complain. "Yeah I'm good. You?"

"Alright," she replies, but I know she's in the same state as I am.

"I think we're…"

"Shhh…" she silences me. I'm surprised by her behaviour. I'm listening sharply if I hear footsteps or feel like we're not alone but nothing strikes me as odd. She looks up at the sky and for a second I wonder if she's just lost your mind. I look up as well and don't see anything. Then again I don't suppose you can actually see divine intervention.

I'm about to speak again when I catch something. A faint sound fending the air, a faint whistle in the night, hope has a name: helicopter.

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**I am already burning my brain on the altar of creation for the next update, so patience... ;)**

**Thanks for reading**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews you rock my world as always. Health is a bit of a problem at the moment so even if I want to write everyday I can't really keep up…anyway, I'm back.**

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**So ;)**

**Ps: **scuby** like always if it wasn't for your help I wouldn't do it.**

Immi**, thanks to always put that brilliant minds of yours at my reach, it always add a little something to my writing ;)**

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**Chapter 10**

I feel a little smile creeping on my lips. The sound of the helicopter is probably the first good thing happening to us in two days. I push Sara's hand away.

"…is that?" I don't dare voicing it, afraid that the sound of the blades chopping the air might be a by product of my mind.

Sara just nods in answer. "They…they found us…"

I look up again and try to get a vision of the helicopter. It's hard though the moon doesn't provide enough light through the cloud and add the rain in the mix so we can't really see anything.

I can feel a bit of despair pressuring my chest, the hope is near, yet it's like it was a mirage.

I want to jump up and down, let hope and relief washing over me, but with no pun intended I don't feel like we were out of the wood yet.

"They found us," she repeats.

"We don't know that," I voice my doubt. She looks at me with the frown and is about to speak again but I cut her off. "I'm just saying Sara, okay…"

"So what? You want us to let it go away?" she asks obviously thinking that I'm out of my mind.

"What if it's not rescue squad? What if it's their accomplice?"

"Cath…"

"What if it's their helicopter?"

"I get you, alright. But it could be the rescue we've been looking for, or just someone here out of providence…"

"And if it's their accomplice, then what? We're dead, that's what's going to happen," I argue.

"We are dead here anyway!" she says vehemently. "We can't run forever, I can't, you can't either…"

"I can, I can," I protest. "Let's wait a few hours until it's light out…" I hold on her shoulder not to fall and clutch at my wound, Sara holds me up without question. "We should wait..."

"Cath you're hurt."

"It's just a flesh wound," I argue.

"It's deep," she protests.

"I'll be fine…"

"I'm not taking that chance…"

"Sara…"

"Cath, this might be our ticket home…we can't let it go by, can we?"

"Let's just hide…wait for the first light," I plea again. I don't know why but I have a bad feeling about all this, and I think we've been through a lot already for one night.

"What if you don't make it? What if this is our only chance?"

"Don't talk like that, I'm fine," I straighten up letting go of her, but the pain on my side is too sharp and I flinch again.

Sara cups my face gently. "Look at me," she requests. I look at her almost crying. "We are weak, we won't fight for ever, even if we gather all the strength we have left… nothing tells us that we are close to civilisation or that we won't have to spend another day here…let's get real alright? We won't make it," I start to shake my head in protest but she's holding my gaze. "We won't make it," she repeats.

I don't want to hear her say that. It's like she had given up, like she had resigned herself to die, but we are together and I know that as long as we stay that way we'll be fine, I know it. I've been holding on her strength and her faith in the fact that we'll make it out okay, I need her not to give up.

"Sara…" I try to find the words to tell her that she's wrong, that everything is going to be fine, but I can't, no matter how hard I want to believe it I know she's write but I can't seem to be able to let it go.

"Cath…" she cuts me off again. "You're the only thing I have left to lose," she pauses. The intensity in her eyes is shaking me to the core. I feel like I could see her soul right at this moment. "I can't let that happen…I won't let it happen."

I nod weakly, feeling my heart beating faster than it ever has. And even though it's still raining I can see her eyes brimming with tears.

"I don't know what's going to happen from here. I don't know if that helicopter will save us or doom us. All I know whatever you decide to do I'm with you, I can't lose you, I can't."

She leans in and captures my lips in a burning kiss. The emotions are even more intense for it might be the last time we're together, alive. There are no words powerful enough to express the feeling and the connection we're sharing at this very moment. I hold her tight and kiss her with all I have before we pull back.

I take a deep breath and reach a decision. "How are we going to make it notice us?" I ask her, it's not like we were about to make a fire in this rain. She starts to wriggle a bit to take off her backpack, I hadn't realized until now that she had gotten it back.

"I think this should work," she says taking out a flare out.

If I hadn't already done it I'd probably give her my heart at this moment. No need to dwell on that statement, my eyes are now open and I have no doubt about what I feel for Sara with unadulterated clarity.

"Let's go in the open and try to attract attention," I state. We start to run as far as we can from the trees, the ground being slightly inclined makes our progression more difficult. The wound of my side is really starting to take the best of me, I feel like my strength were sucked away from my body.

We find a spot and I crouch down while Sara set the flare alight I squint at the red flash. She starts to wave it in the air in no precise direction, the only thing we have right now is the sound of the helicopter somewhere in the area close to us, but so far we have yet to see it. It's about a minute before we hear the sound coming closer and finally in between the cloud the dark figure of flying engine. Sara's movements get a little bit more energetic.

Hope rises again in me, maybe Sara's right, maybe this is our ticket home. My hope is short-lived though when I hear Sara cursing and see the red glow dying.

"No, no, no, don't do this to me…"

"Fuck," I curse.

"It's dead," Sara states as the flare is now off.

It can't be. Flares are made to resist to extreme conditions and stay alight even under the rain, but lucky us even the flare is dysfunctional. How come everything we should be able to rely on is so rotten? This flare barely glowed for a minute!

"No, no, please don't go…" I quickly say as I see the helicopter flying us by. "Over here!" I shout in despair knowing that the chances to be heard are between non-existent and infinitely small. No words are needed, Sara and I start to move in the direction of the helicopter before lighting another flare.

I hold onto my side as I move, climbing up and down the ground. I know earlier I was trying to convince Sara that I could hold on until the dawn but I'm almost always leaning into something in order to move on. As much as I try, I can't help thinking that it's just a matter of time before my body actually decides that it can take any more aggression, and I know that adrenaline won't be enough to keep me standing.

I can see Sara keeping up a strong pace but the pain on my side becomes suddenly unbearable and I bend over my knees in order to catch my breath. I don't warn Sara knowing that time is playing against us and watch her moving away and getting ready to set out another flare. I'm about to start running after Sara when I'm tackled from out of nowhere.

I don't have time to process what's happening before feeling blows raining on different parts of my anatomy. I pull my arms up in order to protect myself but it's not really effective.

The beating stops, I'm grabbed by the collar and my torso is lifted up the ground. "You want it hard? You got it hard, bitch!"

I manage to open my eyes and see Kyle bloody face hovering me. His rage has doubled and I know that right now he means business. He's crouching above my stomach. "Oh you're going to regret being alive, sweetie pie," he says with a sick laugh.

I see him brandishing his knife in the air and I wait for the breath taking pain to come. His arm is up ready to stab me but before he can do his next move Sara pounces on him out of nowhere. His grip on me is ripped off and I'm free while Sara is fighting him. They roll on the ground, fist and grunts of pain are mingling in the night.

After a mean punch, Kyle draws out a gun, Sara manages to get her reflexes back on time and pushes his hand away before he fired a first time. They engage themselves in an arm wrestling for the gun, Kyle trying to aim at Sara, and Sara trying to stay out of the way of the bullet.

The ringing shot shakes myself out of my daze and stand, I pick up a branch run to them, I wait for the right moment and take a swing at Kyle as hard as I can. He's shocked at first and taken aback but still straddles Sara, before he can land his next punch I hit him again until he falls backward. Sara stand with great difficulty and we start to run away from him, Sara takes the lead, holding my hand almost dragging me along.

Two gunshots explode in the rainy silence, Sara and I keep on running until I step ahead of her, it only a second before I feel her weight pulling me down. When I look over her she's on her knees trying to breathe, one bloody hole pouring down her shoulder, her eyes just about ready to pop out of her sockets. She blinks slowly and looks at me before falling forward flat on her chest.

"Sara…Sara," I call her in sheer panic. I shake her but her body is heavy as steel, I see her fingers twitching lightly as she's struggling to breathe. "Sara…please, don't…Sara," I choke in my tears. "Sara…come on…" this can happen, not now. I feel like a freezing cold hand was gripping on my heart tightly.

I hear a click and then another one, when I look up I see Kyle aiming at me. He throws the gun away, he turns around to grab his knife back and starts to run my way, I crawl back before standing up but I barely make ten steps when he jumps on me putting me on the ground once more. I fight back hard feeling cuts multiplying on my forearms. I wriggle and squirm under him, he grabs my hand and pins it on the ground, his grip is firm, painful. I don't have time to adjust with the pain though as he stabs his knife right in the middle of my palm. The blade plunges on my skin as if it was jelly, up from the point to the guard.

Pain literally cut my breath, before coming back full force in the shape of a gut wrenching cry. He reaches out behind his back and pulls out another knife, putting it against my throat. "I love when you scream for me sweetie…" his mouth lowers to my earlobe and chews on it roughly. "I have to thank you…if you hadn't lit up that flare I would have passed you by…way to go pumpkin," he laughs again before biting my ear again. "I warn you, it'll be rough and you won't enjoy it, but I will get my kick off it."

He pushes the point of the knife on the tender flesh of my shoulder daring me to move, while with his free hand he's touching me and works on his zipper.

Please let me die before that happen, please let me die before that happen…

I should have trusted Sara right away and not let my doubts get the best of me, she was probably right about the helicopter being our ticket home and instead of going for it without question I made us lose precious minute.

I try to move out of his grip even if it's useless. Every of my movement is rewarded by the blade diving deeper in my flesh. I'm gritting my teeth but the suffering becomes to great and I let out a cry. I don't have time to process what's happening when I see him being pulled backward. I focus a bit better and see Sara strangling him with her belt.

She's alive!

"Cath!...the flare!" she grunts still holding a firm lock on Kyle, pulling him backward, as far away from me.

I start to rise up but a burning sensation in my hand reminds me of the knife currently resting through my palm. I hold my breath and pull out the knife, I couldn't tell if the worse was to have it in or to pull it back. I heave in order to block the affliction out of my head. I stand up and start to run to the backpack in front of me.

I fall on my knees and rummage through it in a hurry, I feel a flare and take it out. I don't wait and set it alight. I don't hear anymore helicopter, I'm waving the flare up with all the energy I have, hoping that the only reason I don't hear the engine is because my blood is pulsing too hard in my ears.

I turn to keep an eye on Sara and she's till holding on Kyle, but he cuts her with the knife managing to get just the little second he needed to get free. Kyle hits Sara and starts to run my way, but Sara don't let him go far, she's on him in a matter of second and they start to wrestle on the ground.

I see a shadow covering the moon glow and double my waving happy that the flare is still glowing, I hear Sara's voice breaking and look at them. I see her losing the upper hand. Kyle is straddling her, trying to stab her.

I know that I have a choice to make, waving and hoping for the rescue to see us or go to help Sara. Right now is all or nothing, I throw the flare in the air as high as possible and run back to Sara and Kyle. I look on the ground for Sara's gun which Kyle tossed away earlier.

It's probably the only dysfunctional that turned out to be a blessing. About tow weeks ago we were at the shot range and Sara's gun jammed when she was about to fire her last bullet. We checked and Sara always being thorough her gun was well maintained, we tried several time and each time the gun jammed twice before the ninth bullet. Sara bitched about it for days because Ecklie being his usual asshole self said she couldn't get new weapon until the end of the month. It is against the protocol but first unlike cop we seldom use our guns, then her weapon always jammed before the ninth round so she had at least eight to get her target in case things went down.

I suppose I should thank the jerk for this anomaly saved my life earlier.

I finally find the gun and make sure the bullet is in the chamber, cock it and take the extra two second to aim at Kyle as both his hands are gripping at the handle of the knife and he's about to stab Sara for good. I fire…

The next five seconds seem to drag into a slow motion. Kyle is holding the knife in the air, surprised at the new hole on his chest. He chokes and in a desperate last effort he tries to finish what he had started but Sara manages to redirect the knife so in the end Kyle ends up stabbing himself in the stomach before falling on Sara's side, agonizing.

I crawl to Sara's side and push Kyle's body off her. We take our distance and crawl to the flare which is now glowing on the ground. We're sitting, facing each other. Sara cups my cheek weakly. "Hey there…"

"Hey," say shakily as tears start to fall again.

This is it, it's the end. We did all we could and there's no way we'll get through the next day in our shape. The helicopter passed us by and now…

Sara kisses me sweetly before resting her forehead against mine. We don't say anything, no need to entertain the illusion that we'll make it out.

"I think I'm going to lie down a bit" she says out of breath. I smother a sob and nod.

She lies down carefully and I rest my head on her uninjured shoulder. She holds me to her as much as she could. I'm tired too, and adrenaline is crashing down, our wounds will kill us in a matter of hours so no need to run anymore, no need to make this even more difficult than it is.

We tried, we gave everything we had, now it's time to face the fact that it's over.

I snuggle as close to Sara as possible. I sob a little while, just because I know I'm going to die doesn't mean I'm happy to let go. I prop myself up and kiss Sara once more. She caresses my cheek slowly and smiles a bit. For some reason I find the comfort I needed in her eyes. I lie again and she kisses my crown.

I also find some peace of mind knowing that in spite of everything Lindsey knows loved her, I told her so the last time I saw her.

I supposed there is worse way to die than in Sara's arms. Come to think about it, I think I'm happy to be in her arms right at the instant.

Yeah, I couldn't think of a better way to go than in Sara's arms, soothed by the feeling of comfort and safety irradiating from her.

It's over.

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**Thanks for reading.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Howdy and thanks for all your reviews. Alrighty, I know I can be really cruel, but when I end a story I do give you notice or at least write so at the end…come on…I still have a heart! **

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**So ;)**

**Ps: **scuby** you are like my pole star…shinning constantly through the maze of ideas and confusion that is my mind, always helping me to see my flight path. Thank you very much ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Do you know that feeling you have before falling asleep? The feeling of leaving the world of consciousness for the bliss of oblivion…

I feel it right now. Somehow though, I know that this time I only have a one way ticket to dreamland…

You know how in movies they talk about the bright light you see before dying? I always thought it was untrue, but now…well, I can see a flash of bright light as my body gets weaker. I crack my eyes open a bit, my eyelids heavy as lead, and sure it is, I see the light, and I see it being brighter.

I close my eyes again, letting go…

I'm very cold all of a sudden. Once again I see the light, this time though it's blinding me.

'…Check the other one…I got her…'

'…Reactive pupil…I got a pulse….'

'…We have someone else over there…'

'…He's dead sir…'

'Ma'am, can you hear me?'

'…She's not responsive…I can't get her pulse, sir…'

'…We're going to have to intubate her…'

I was hoping to have soft music on my way to the other world…not disembodied voices speaking gibberish…

'…Ma'am, can you hear me?'

'…This one is in shock we have to take her first...get on the move people, go, go, go...starting chest compression…get ready to move…'

'…Ma'am…hold on…'

'…I need a thermal cover and oxygen…tell them to have some blood ready…we're on our way…'

'…We're ready, sir…'

'…On my signal…one…two…go…'

I feel like I'm floating.

'…she's losing consciousness…'

Then everything goes black…

…

'…what happened?'

'…we don't really know…from the only phone call we received from them…they got lost in the desert…'

'…you better hope for your own good that my granddaughter doesn't become an orphan or all hell will break loose…'

_...Mom! It's a great job! I get to help people! Why can't you be happy for me?...what job isn't dangerous?...I won't get killed in the field…Mom…I'm helping people and it makes me happy…be happy for me…_

'…mommy? Mom…she's not going to leave me aunty, is she?... mommy…wake up…please wake up…'

'Oh come here baby… I got you sweetie, let it all out…your mom is a fighter, she's going to be alright…she'll be alright…'

'…promise?...'

'…Linds…'

… "_Congratulation, Ms Willows, it's a beautiful baby girl…"_

_Oh my god…she's so tiny…I'm so scared to hurt her….you sure it's okay?...Lindsey…I'm going to call her Lindsey…_

_Hey baby Lindsey…you're such a wonder…I'll protect you from everything baby…_

…_hey why is there water?...too much water…turn the tap off!...make it stop…why's the water rising?...Linds…Linds?...oh my god…mommy's here baby...I'm going to get you out of that car...mommy's here…I got you…I got you...it's alright…I'm not going to let you go again…ever…mommy's right here…_

…

'…Nance…hey…I'm going to get Linds and mom home…I'll be back in a flash, ok?'

If someone could turn off the radio, I'd appreciate that….those voices….they're driving me crazy.

'…Linds, baby…wake up…uncle Jude is going to take you home…'

'…I want to stay with mommy…'

'…you need to rest...kiss mommy and you'll come back later, okay?'

…

I'm just realizing that being dead is a lot like being high…you don't know what's going on…

'…Nance?...'

'Hey Warrick…'

'…how is she?...'

'…still the same…what about…what about Sara?'

…_let me guess…Sara Sidle… you're one fascinating person…so fiery… _

…_I could kiss those lips all day…as long as you're with me…Sara don't let me go…_

_Sara…hey…don't take her away from me…don't leave me behind…I want to go in the helicopter too…Sara…_

'…Sara…bad… everything they could…'

'…dead…Rick…I'm sorry…'

'…we need to keep it together…'

'…yeah…'

…

…Something's leaking…little drops…dripping regularly but sounding like little nuclear bombs…something is thumping…like a heartbeat…my heartbeat…

I have a heartbeat…I can't be dead if I have one…can I?

Oh…pain…bad…

There's the light again…someone's there…I blink several times until my vision focus.

Nancy?...

"...Cathy?..."

I try to answer….but my mouth seems to be paralyzed and only a primitive sound comes out.

"Wait…there you go…"

She pushes delicately a straw passed my lips so I can drink.

She puts the glass away and soon her hands are moving soothingly on my forehead. "Hey, there," she smiles.

"Hospital?" I ask.

"Hold on, let me get the doctor…" she stands and I suppose she presses the button next to my bed.

"Nance…" my voice is still raspy and barely functioning.

"Here…have some more…" she says offering the straw to my lips again. I drink a little more and slowly feel my mouth again.

"Sara…how is she…"

"You gave us quite a scare you," she says and I doubt that she heard me. "The police want to ask you questions about what happened…Captain Brass said they'd have to wait until you were stable before they did that…"

"Sara…" I repeat. "How is Sara?"

I'm very aware of each millimetres of my body as it's stinging with burning pain. I try to sit up but the sensation doubles so I give up quickly. Nancy makes my bed moves to a sitting position and arranges pillow behind me.

"Where's that damn doctor?" she mutters as she presses the call button again.

"Nance…Sara…tell le about Sara…" I persist.

"I'm still not sure how they spotted you," she holds the straw to my lips again. "Lindsey's been worried sick…Jude took her and mom back home…"

She's avoiding answering my question. It's never good when people avoid giving you the answers you're looking for, it's a very bad sign.

"How is she?"

"She's okay, it was scary for her to see her mother like this," Nancy replies and I sigh in exasperation as once more she dismisses my question.

Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't care about my daughter, but I need to know how Sara is at the moment.

"And Sam dropped by,' she says motioning a large bouquet at the corner of the room. She straightens the cover on me "Are you cold? Hot? Need a blanket? Another pillow?"

"I need to know…how Sara is," I try again.

"Two days…did you know that?...of course you wouldn't, you were out of it…"

"Nancy!" I say as firmly as I can.

"For two days you've been…" she keeps on like she wasn't hearing me at all. I can't help getting upset, I wince again as my movement hurts me. "Cath, calm down…"

"Can you, please, tell me how Sara is?" I pant, having trouble breathing.

"Calm down, you're going to hurt yourself…" she reaches again for the button and presses it several times. "Thanks goodness nothing is wrong with you with the amount of time it takes them to respond to a damn call around here."

"Tell me about Sara," I order. "How is she? Where?" anger is now flowing in me.

"…just be glad I've sent mother away."

"Fuck it!"

"Can you imagine how she'd be right now? Fussing and fretting over you…"

"Shut up," I close my eyes to fight the sudden rise of nausea. "Shut up," I repeat and I hear her sighing heavily. "Sara…tell me about her…"

"Cath…"

"No…just…tell me about her, okay? If not then get the hell out of here and get me someone who will talk to me about her."

"Catherine…you don't need to exert yourself, you need to stay calm…"

"Get out," I say through my teeth.

"Now, just a damn minute, Catherine…you go out there and nearly get yourself killed and, and…and…"

"I need to know how Sara is okay? That's all I'm asking right now…" silent hot tears trailing down my cheeks. "Please, Nancy…" I beg.

This time she drops the mask and I can see resignation in her eyes. She sits down and gets her chair closer to me, she takes my hand and sighs heavily. "Cath…" she looks away and then looks at me again. "It's…" her voice breaks so she clears her throat. "It's not good…"

I can barely control my emotion as my worse fear is slowly freezing my blood. I try to breathe but oxygen is failing me. Just as Nancy's about to continue the door opens and some man comes in. Nancy stands up, all too happy at the great escape.

"Ah Ms Willows, we're awake…" he states. "I'm Dr. Benson ," he introduces himself before taking my chart.

He takes notes of the machines I'm hooked up to and check the bag of fluid. I look around and realise that Nancy literally fled the room.

"You're one lucky woman, Ms Willows," Dr. Benson says putting my chart down and clicking the button to lay my bed down again. "Let's get a look at those wounds, shall we?"

He picks my right hand up and cuts the bandage away. I hiss a bit at the sensation.

"This is probably the worst and most painful of your wounds," he turns my hand over in his.

"There was a woman with me…can you tell me how she is?"

"You'll need physical therapy for this hand but I think the nerve damage was minimal,"

"Ok…" great, even him plays the ignorance card. "Can you answer me now?"

"Ms. Willows…you know that there are certain privacy laws which prevent me from being able to discuss her condition with you…" he starts that fucking emotionless speech and that only serves to piss me off.

"She's my partner," I add.

"Let's have a look at your side and shoulder," he goes on as if I hadn't spoken at all.

"She's my partner," I repeat more firmly.

He pulls the sheet down and raises my gown. "I'm sorry, Ms. Willows, I really am…but you know that Nevada doesn't recognize same sex couples or 'partner rights'…"

"No, not…we're officers and…she's my partner," I clarify.

"Unless you're her next of kin or emergency contact, I can't tell you anything…"

"We just nearly died in a fucking forest, can't you just cut it for a moment and tell me that the person who saved my life is alright or not?" I explode. "What's up with you people? Who do you think you're dealing with? Freaking robots?!"

I'll never get this policy about leaving the people in the dark. Goodness sake, it's like they didn't know they were dealing with human beings.

He pulls my gown down and the sheet back up, still not answering my questions. If I have to kill him to get what I want I will. He picks up my chart and makes some notes. I'm about to rip him apart when he speaks again.

"According to the officers who found you…she was completely covering your body…which would explain why hypothermia hadn't completely set in for you," he states calmly before putting my chart back down.

She was covering me…

"Is she going to make it?" I ask dreading the answer.

"Her prognosis isn't good. Had you two been drinking at all while you were lost? Because she was dehydrated and you weren't…"

"Yeah, we shared the water," I answer remembering clearly this fact. "She…drank…I know she did…"

Now thinking about it, I can see myself drinking and then handing the bottle to Sara…she holds it….talks to me…talks to me…put it near her lips…pulls it back….talks to me…puts the cap back on….puts the bottle back in the bag…never taking a sip…

I can see that scene repeating itself several times, but I know she drank just not nearly as much as I thought she had.

"She was in the early stages of renal failure…" his voice brings me back from my thoughts. "Between the blood loss, the hypothermia and the renal failure… your partner is in a coma…there's a brain activity…"

I feel tears falling silently on my face.

"The only thing anyone can do now is wait Ms. Willows. Giving the amount and location of the scars on her body, she's used to fighting."

"Yeah…she's a fighter…" I say around the lump in my throat. "Thank you…" I hiccup.

"You're welcome. You…you're very lucky."

I can see that now.

"Some of your colleagues have been wanting to see you…should I tell the nurse at the desk it's okay for them to come in?"

"I… I don't want to see anybody at the moment…except my family…"

He nods. "How's the pain?"

"Painful…"

"Well, you're on a morphine drip…just hit the button if you need another bump. It won't let you overdose."

"Okay…"

He reaches for the doorknob. "A nurse should come soon to change your bandages. Try not to overdo it."

He leaves the room and I start to sob, not able to hold onto my emotions anymore.

I can't believe Sara. I can't believe that she put me ahead of her and overprotected me. I can't believe I didn't notice anything. And now…

"Hey…" I feel a soothing hand caresses my forehead. "Shhh…kitten…it's going to be okay," Nancy's voice says softly.

"She…Sara, she…" my words mingle with despair and gut wrenching sobs.

"I know, kitten, I know…"

"She promised….she promised…"

"What did she promise?" Nancy asks.

She promised we'd get home. We, as in her and me, she can't let me down now, not after getting this far.

"She…has to be fine…she…" I can't speak anymore as my cries double.

I let Nancy cradling my face against her chest in order to ease some of my pain.

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**I know this is probably the weirdest chapter I've ever written yet, even though I did write some weird ones before. I wanted to go with an original and different approach, for this situation has been done so many times…the result is…well…I think it's weird but I won't say I hate it, I hope you enjoyed.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone, thank you so much for the reviews you guys are the sweetest! Here's a new chap...**

**Enjoy, **

**So ;)**

**ps: **scuby** as always i'd like to thank you very much, I wouldn't make it without you :)**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 12

_I'm running as fast as I can. He's here, right behind me I can feel it…I accelerate, plunging further into the darkness, branches are scratching my tender flesh and trees are narrowing the way in front of me, making my escape nearly impossible…his laughter echoes in the night sending chills down my spine…_

_Sara…_

_I can see her running in front of me and moving faster than me, encouraging me not to give up and keep up her pace. She stops when she feels she's too far from me and waves me to come to her, holding her out to me, I reach out but the closer I get from her and the further she seems. I scream her name, scream at her not to leave me here… Sara…_

_Gone… she's gone._

_I stop my run needing to breathe. Before I can get a grip on what's happening I'm pinned down a dark figure above me, I can only see those piercing green eyes and their evil glow. "Missed me pumpkin?" even in the dark I know he's smiling, that scary smile. I see the blade shinning in the moonlight, blood dripping from it…pain on my side…then the blade falls on me again piercing my hand…_

"NO!"

"Shh…easy kitten, easy…I'm here," I turn to see Nancy's delicate feature looking at me as her hand runs through my face in a soothing motion.

I wince as sharp pain start to spread all over my body. I grit my teeth and try to relax. I focus on Nancy's touch, taking deep breaths. It's over, the nightmare is over, I repeat in my head over and over again.

I close my eyes but open them again instantly as images from my nightmare flashes behind my eyelids. I hiss at the unwilling movement of my right hand.

"You want me to call someone?" Nancy asks me. I suppose that pain is still written all over my face then.

"No, it's ok," I reply after a moment. Truth to be told it hurts like hell but then again I know that they won't give me anything, so no need to bother.

"Do you need something?"

"Can I have some water please?"

"Sure thing, kitten," she gets away from me, letting go of my hand to get me a glass with a straw. I feel a slight panic invading me at the loss of her touch but I do my best to stay compose. "There you go," she puts the straw at my lips so I can drink. Once I'm done she puts the glass on the night stand and takes back my hand in both of hers.

Nancy and I have always been close to one another, sure we've fought in the past and had our differences, but we've always been there for one another, always. The recent events draw us even closer if that was possible. I've been lying down on that stupid bed for the past seven days and she's been there every day, looking after me.

"You want to talk about it?"

I've been plagued with nightmares ever since I regain consciousness. I barely sleep, unless Nancy's at my side and even then I seldom manage an hour or two.

I look away feeling vulnerable. Nancy knows what happened. She was adamant about staying with me when the police came along with the IAB to know why there were three dead men in the forest and how Sara and I were involved in all this. I know that it took them about three days to process everything and cover all the distance we had walked.

"I'm running in the forest, only Sara isn't there to save me…" I say not looking at my sister. She squeezes my hand and drops a kiss on it. I open my mouth to speak again but she gets ahead of me and answers.

"It's still the same Cath. She's holding on," she says speaking about Sara's condition. I close my eyes and sigh. "The boys said they'd drop by later today."

"Okay."

All the team has been taking turn to be with me and Sara. Nick provides me news from work, Greg enlightens my day with his goofiness, Warrick just provides me as much affection as my sister and Grissom…well Grissom reads to me so I don't get bored – and I have to say that I still don't see how life and reproduction of the creepy crawlies or how they are used it in forensic is supposed to be soothing stories.

Then my mother has been around, she tried not to say it but her subtle hints about 'safe' new jobs she heard about weren't too subtle. I can't really scream at her or send her packing at the moment. I guessed her being scared to lose one child is enough without giving her a hard time at the moment. I'll wait to be out of the hospital to tell her that I won't spend my time in and office, I like playing the field.

Linds…funny how she's always eager to be a grown up – as if what she had already been through hadn't made her grow fast enough. Yet ever since I'm here, she's being my baby girl again. Okay, so she's not a baby anymore, I know that. But I suppose that now she understood that I might not be there to breathe down her neck forever. Now she understood that she'll have time to be a grown up in a few years and that she should just be a young teenage girl at the moment. A teenage who still needs her mom to guide her through life and love her like a teenager. I can't be any more grateful for that.

I'm grateful to have them around but…somehow I can't really enjoy their presence for the person I need the most isn't there.

"You want me to leave you alone?" Nancy brings me back to reality.

"Uh? No…no stay, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, kitten."

"Hey, do you know if anyone called Sara's brothers?"

"Yeah, Grissom did from what I understand."

"Good," I sigh in relief. At least she's not alone, not that I doubt the boys has been taking turn to her bed but I think that she'd feel safer to have her brothers around.

I clench my teeth at the sudden rush of pain.

Nancy instantly gives me her hand and let me squeeze it. I close my eyes and try to breathe deep. Dr. Benson reduced my morphine drip so now my days are punctuated with unpredictable spasms of pain.

"I think I'm going to try to sleep a bit again," I finally say once the pain has subsided.

"Okay, kitten, if you need anything I'll be right here, until they kick me out."

She stands and brushes off the bang off my face in a delicate motion and kisses my forehead sweetly before sitting down again, running her hand through my hair to lull me. It's only minutes before I fall back into sleep.

When I wake up Nancy isn't there anymore. I feel panic slowly running up my veins. I force myself to calm down before pressing the call button for the nurse.

Five minute later a young red headed man comes in my room. "Howdy, Ms. W. how are we today?" he says with a charmer smile and an sexy Irish accent.

Connor O'Keeffe is probably one of the sweetest persons I've ever met and I'm lucky enough to have him as my nurse. He's quite handsome I must say and he's quite a charmer. However he's really reliable and devoted to his job. He makes my nights at the hospital a bit better, talking to me, coming to check up on me several times to be sure I don't miss anything, putting a point of honor to make me laugh a bit everyday. And most of all, he talks to me about Sara – no BS, no sugar coated speech, just the truth plain and simple, it's probably the only relief I have since they won't let me see her.

"It could be worse," I reply with a smile.

"Hard time to sleep?" he asks looking at my bandages.

"Bah…working nightshift for ten years will mess up with your internal clock," I chuckle.

"I bet, six years in the nightshift and I can't sleep unless there's a little bit of sunshine."

He changes my bandages telling me some funny story. "Oh please don't make me laugh…it hurts my side," I keep laughing, glad to have him at my side.

"Alrighty, bandages are all changed," he smiles. I like his smile because it always makes his green-yellow eyes sparkle.

"Hey, you think I can take a little walk?"

They've started to make me walk a little bit everyday to help the circulation in my legs going and to help me getting back some strength. Walking after lying down all day is actually more exhausting that I would have thought.

"Right now?" he rises his eyebrows.

"Yeah…" he smirks and I can feel the many reasons why we can't or shouldn't do it coming so I speak again. "Come on, Connor….pretty please…" I pout a little bit for good measure.

"Howdy…I don't know…"

"Please…"

"Well…" I can feel him giving away. "…the shift is slow…alrighty then…give me a couple of minutes and we're out of here…but…" he puts his finger on his mouth "Shhh…"

I giggle at his 'secret agent' impersonation as he leaves the room. He comes back a moment later and starts to settle my IV, and I put some decent clothes on before we step out in the corridor.

We walk slowly, Connor being careful of all the steps I take, not wanting to exert me. He asks me to tell him about Lindsey and funny things at my work, subtly distracting me from the constant lingering pain all over my body.

All the sudden we hear commotion behind us, when we look nurses are getting agitated, giving orders and information on a hurry. It seems that there was a major accident and they are short handed so they're adjusting quickly and reorganizing the staff. Connor turns to me with a serious expression. I cut him off before he gets a chance to talk though.

"Go…"

"Can't leave you there, Ms W."

"I'll be fine on my own. Go…come on."

The nurses are getting more and more agitated. "They're going to kill me…Alright, don't overdo it, go slow and I'm coming back to check up on you in a very few…go slow and sit down when you feel out of breath…or…"

"Connor, I'll be fine."

"No…I'm going to stay with you…" I can see the struggle in his eyes, he's ready to go do his job but at the same time I needs to know I'm going to be okay.

"Connor! Get here we need you," one of his colleague calls him.

"Go on, I'll be good…promise."

"Be careful Ms W. and I'll see you in a few."

He waits for me to nod before running to his colleague and disappearing in the hall. I start to turn around and head toward my bedroom when something hit me. I'm out of my 'cage' and I'm with no supervision…

An idea starts to grow in my mind. I focus on the information I have gathered and try to situate myself in the hospital. Lady luck is offering a golden opportunity on a silver platter, I might as well take it. I start my journey toward my destination. I wish the pain in my side wasn't burning so bad at least I'd walk faster then. Instead I'm walking so slow that I'm sure a snail would beat me if we raced and if it went backward…okay maybe not that slow, but almost…

I curse under my breath when I see another nurse desk in front of me, I unfortunately have to pass it if I want to reach my goal and if I do so I might be send back to my room…damn so close yet so far…

I come closer slowly and Lady luck is seriously in a good mood for the nurse desk is empty, I move as fast as I can, I'll probably regret this effort later, but I know that it'll be totally worth it.

I contain myself not to squeal out of delight or happy dancing as I get pass the desk without any problem and engulf myself deeper in long and dim-lit corridor. My heart beats faster at every new step I take for I know I'm close to reach the end of my journey.

Finally I slow down my pace as I near the door I was looking for. I take a minute to get my breath under control again. I pass a hand in my hair making sure that I'm presentable, and then I feel completely silly at my gesture. I'm wearing a hospital gown with a baggy sweat pants not to mention the bruises still visible on my skin, so I don't think my hair will ruin my style.

I open the door slowly with a shaky hand before putting it around my IV holder, and dragging it along with me as I take my first step in the room. For some reason I keep my eyes on the ground afraid at what I'm going to see. I close the door behind me and take another deep breath before turning around for good and rising my gaze to the bed in front of me.

My heart skips a beat at the sight in front of me. Sara's inert body is lying there, pale and fragile in the middle of a hospital bed. A maze of tubes and machine are surrounding her. My blood is pounding loudly in my ears and I feel slightly dizzy, it's another second before I realize that I've stopped breathing. I inhale deeply, slowly becoming aware of the constant beep mimicking Sara's heartbeat; the dripping of fluids in their pockets; the regular blow of the respiratory machine sounding as if Dark Vador was hiding in the corner of the room.

I try to swallow the lump in my throat and start to take unsteady pace to the bed. I drag a chair as close to her as possible and sit down. I reach for her hand and put mine on it. She's cold which takes me aback a bit. She always has cold hands – yet somehow all of her touches are warm, but this time it's freezing. I can feel tears gathering at the corners of my eyes, ready to fall.

I open my mouth, feeling my lips quivering, I gap like a fish out of water for several seconds before closing my mouth again. It's funny, because I've been waiting for this moment ever since I awoke one week ago, and during all this time away from her I thought my head would explode with all I wanted to tell her. Yet now my whole mind is blank, void of any words. I can't for the life of me form a sentence.

I decide that gesture spoke louder than words even though she might not know that I'm here. I lay my head on her side and put her inert hand over my cheek not before kissing the palm first, covering it with mine. I close my eyes and focus to find that feeling again. The feeling of safety and care, the feelings I had when she had me in her arms and when she touched me gently.

I feel complete again and my heart swells before beating like a jackhammer. Suddenly I can't help the tears falling silently on my cheeks.

…

"Oy!"

I wake up with a start. I look around and feel disoriented. It takes me a moment to realise that I'm in Sara's room. I hiss and the sudden pain on my side. Sleeping in a bent position was obviously not a good idea.

"Howdy, Ms W, you're trying to kill me?" I look up and see a rather upset Connor. "You disappeared…2 hours, I've been looking for you for over 2 hours! You scared the bloody hell out of me…I though I was going to give birth to a leprechaun! A good thing Dr Benson isn't on service yet or he would be shoving unicorns up my arse…"

I can't help giggling at his words and the fact that his accent is way more pronounced now that he's upset.

"Oy, it ain't funny!" he scolds me yet with a little smile. "You scared me…anything could have happened to you and you weren't where you were supposed to be…" he says softly. "We had a plan."

"I'm sorry, but I needed…" I trail off.

"I understand, but don't you pull a stunt like that on me again, please."

"I won't," I say a bit ashamed that I worried him like that. He's such a sweet man.

"Alrighty, I'm taking you back to your room," he announces.

"Can I stay a little more…please," I beg, not ready to leave Sara yet.

He looks at me as if to say that I'm pushing a bit – after all I had over 2h with Sara apparently, but I need a chance to talk to her, to tell her what, I don't know, but at least to try to tell her something.

I look at him with despair, hoping he'll accept my request. He sighs. "You got 2 minutes," he says before leaving the room to give me a little privacy.

I turn to Sara, still holding her hand with my good one. My mouth is dry and my heart is beating hard against my ribcage, so hard that it makes me shake a bit.

"Hey," I finally say with a shaky voice. What do I tell her? Tears of frustration are dropping from my eyes. Then I find myself chuckling at the thought crossing my mind thinking about our early hours in the desert. "We…we reached mothership," I tell her smiling through my tears. I'm expecting to see her smile, to see her beautiful brown eyes, but nothing happens. "Come on, we survived each other in the desert, and that was a miracle…now waking up should be a piece of cake…come on Sar… I want you back…I need you back," I tell her before sobbing a little. I compose myself again and let go of her hand to push one of her locks out of her face. I caress her cheek in a soft motion not liking that fact that her skin is cold under my fingertips.

I bend over and give her an Eskimo kiss, rubbing our noses one against the other, our lips barely brushing. I pull back and let my lips linger on the skin of her forehead. I take her hand back in mine and kiss it.

The door opens. "Not that I like it but, time's up now," Connor says. I know that he gave me more than 2 little minutes so I don't protest.

I reluctantly let go of Sara's hand and grip my IV holder again. I'm barely out of her room when the pain on my side I unbearable. I flinch and almost crumble on the floor but Connor's strong arms are holding me up.

"Howdy…easy there," he says and I hiss holding my side. "Hold on your IV," he orders gently before gathering me in his arms as if I was a child. "I'm taking you to bed and I'm going to chain you there…"

I chuckle. "Oooh, you got dirty plans for you and me?" I smirk. "You, naughty boy."

"Oy, I knew it sounded bad…" he chuckles.

He walks slowly in the corridor heading to my room. "Connor?"

"Ms. W?"

"I never said that to a man before but…you sweep me off my feet," I joke.

He laughs softly. "Aren't you a funny gal…"

We arrive in my room and he puts me gently on my bed. I wince as the pain is still on my side. "Let's take a look at your side," he says before looking under my bandage. "Oy, looks like you manage to break your stitches. I'm going to take of this."

He spends the next half hour taking care of my wounds, putting new stitches and changing the other bandages. He's touch is gentle and soft, he's very careful not to hurt me in any way.

"There you go," he stands up and puts the trashes away on a tray. "Alrighty, you should try to sleep a bit, I'll come back checking up on you in a few hours."

I nod, exhaustion slowly taking its toll me.

"Sweet dreams, Ms W."

I smile as he winks at me. He's almost gone when I call him back "Connor?" he turns around to look at me, ready to be at my side in a matter of seconds. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome Ms. W, now try to sleep."

I close my eyes and try to picture Sara wrapping her arms around me. I let myself go once I feel safety, care and comfort invading me.

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**Alrighty...well I'm still struggling with the next chap but I should be back soon.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone. I'm back finally…I'd like to thank you all for your reviews. I'm sorry for the delay but health has become an issue and I couldn't write and then Mojo decided to bail on me…anyway, I'm back with a long chapter to make amend. **

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**To **scuby**, **Immi** and **Max**.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

"…actually I think that more people saw my bare ass that day than in the whole years I was a stripper. Can you picture this? Me at five running around pretending I was a bird? Needless to say that I have the most famous ass of Montana," I chuckle. "They called me 'cheeky' after that day, and it lasted till I was a teenager…" I shake my head.

I squeeze Sara's hand a bit and watch her, waiting, hoping for any sign. It's been one week and a half and her state hasn't changed yet.

Nothing.

She's just lying there, inert. If it wasn't for the constant beep of the heart monitor I'd believe she's dead. "You know I'm starting to believe that you're not waking up only to hear more embarrassing stories about me," I joke. "I'll run out of it soon though."

I sigh and squeeze her hand. I put her palm against my cheek and rub it gently. It's a gesture I've come to do every time I have a moment with Sara, it makes me feel close to her, intimately close, like we were in the forest.

"I'm going home tomorrow," I speak again. "To be honest, I'm a bit apprehensive but Nancy said she would pamper me, can't really say no to that can I?" I laugh a little.

I mark a pause, I always do, just in case she might react.

"I, uh…" I clear my throat. "I've seen some of your brothers around. Maybe I should go and ask them for some embarrassing stories about you."

There's a soft knock on the door, and then Connor's head appears in the threshold. "Two minutes, Ms. W."

"Alright."

He winks at me and disappears again as fast and discreetly as he came.

"Time for me to go," I announce before standing and starting my new routine. I kiss her palm and put it on my cheek again, then I squeeze her hand one last time before kissing the back of it. I brush a bang of hair off her forehead before resting my hand on her cheek and caressing it with my thumb. Finally I let my lips linger on her forehead before sharing an Eskimo kiss with her. Then I leave not turning back, too afraid that I wouldn't leave otherwise.

My hand is on the knob when I hear something, like a hush, I turn around in a heartbeat holding my breath, fearing that my head might play tricks on me. I walk back to the bed silently and stare at Sara but she's inert. I wait five seconds and then decide that it was just a by product of my imagination.

I turn around again as the sound return and this time I know I didn't imagine it. My eyes are glued to Sara's lips.

"Come on…" I mutter. "Sara…come on…" I bend over a bit so my ear is near her lips, I hold my breath again. I just need to be sure.

"Ta…" comes out in a whisper, whatever she's trying to say vanishes in the air but I feel my heart imploding at the sound of her barely there voice.

I can't help the smiling splitting my face in two as I reach for the call button. Connor appears in a second.

"She's…she's awake…she's awake," I say shakily.

I don't have time to say or think further as three other persons barge into the room and without knowing it I find myself behind the door.

I hear the voice of the doctor asking several questions and ordering his staff around. Then Connor reappears suddenly.

"How…how is she?"

"She's in good hands…"

"Connor," I call him not wanting to have a sugar coated speech.

"She's in good hands, she's reactive and they're checking up on her," he repeats. He's always been honest with me and I know that right now is no exception.

"Come on, I'm taking you back to your room."

I resist his gentle grip. "Can I…"

He sighs with a soft grin before I can even finish my sentence. "Let's make a deal. You can stay here 30 minutes more, but then we're going back."

"Deal."

"No sneaking up on me, clear?"

"Crystal," I beam.

"I'll be right back."

I watch him dash in the corridor and take a sit in a chair near by. It's like electricity was running through me, excitement is overwhelming me as hope returns. She's awake…

I don't know how much time goes by but the nurses and the doctor make several travels in and out of Sara's room, never letting me in.

"Catherine?"

I look up and see a face that became familiar to me in those past days. A young man with green-brown eyes and long dark hair, a soft face and a radiating peace.

"Sidney," I smile at him and stand up as he hugs me.

Sidney is Sara's twin brother. Of course they look alike but their personalities are quite different. Or rather, I suppose that him and I started on good bases, which didn't happen with Sara. He's sweet and always calm, and really touchy, affectionate, for some reason we clicked immediately.

Charlie is a bit shier than Sydney, but still very sweet. As for Rueben, their little brother, he appears cold, a bit like Sara actually, at first there's something keeping you at a distance but truth to be told they're anything but. Sara wasn't lying when she said that they were very close to one another, and I'm glad for that. It's funny because for a long time I saw Sara as a loner, I was wrong on so many level when it comes down to her.

"She's awake," I tell him.

"Seriously?"

"She woke up as I was leaving…they're still with her now and won't let me see her."

"I'm sure they're taking care of her," he says reassuringly. "She's awake…that's good…that's good," he says with relief.

I know that Sydney and his brothers put on a brave face and tried to stay optimistic regarding to Sara's state, but I also know that beyond that they were extremely worried and about to lose hope.

"I should call Charlie and Rueben to let them know."

"I'm waiting here."

After calling his brothers we waited patiently getting more and more nervous as time passed. When finally the doctor came to us he told us that we couldn't see Sara for now and that she was resting. Unfortunately for me I had to go back to my room as my 30 extra minutes were over.

So here I am lying in my bed as excited as an electric particle.

Sara's awake.

My heart is beating erratically. It's like it had stopped beating all those days – as if it couldn't beat without Sara, and now I'm taking back all those beats. I can't really explain what I feel right now, exhilarated, relieved, anxious, apprehensive…a million things, if that's possible.

Things have changed fast, to be honest I feel like my life has taken a whole new turn. No matter what happens from here I know nothing can ever be the same again. As cliché as it sound I feel different, I am. Even if my job is dangerous, I've never been as close to death as I was in that forest. And now I have to see my life under a new perspective.

I know I'll have to think about question such as 'what happens now where Sara and I are concerned?', 'what do I want now?', there's a lot to sort out, but right now my mind is just a maze of confusion and emotions.

Sara's a wake.

I know that I'm overwhelmed with relief but that's not all. Those new feelings I've been experiencing for Sara in the forest are back tenfold and it scares me.

Everything has changed now, let's hope it's for the best.

I decide to only look on the bright side of things. I'm alive, we are alive.

Sara's awake.

Finally, she's awake. We made it, we got out of our nightmare alive. That's the happiest thought I had in a long while and I'm still smiling when sleep finally overcome me.

…

"You got everything?" Nancy asks me.

I'm getting ready to leave the hospital. I can't wait to be out of here, but I'm also a bit apprehensive, I don't really know why. It might sound stupid but I've been in a 'bubble' for a little while, first the forest and then the hospital. My life was on hold for a moment and I'm a bit anxious about finding my marks again in the routines I have established during many years.

Mostly though, I'm happy to get out of the universe sterilized of the hospital and go back in the real world.

"I think so," I say still checking.

I'm sure I have everything with me but I can't calm my nerves. The reason is simple enough, I haven't had the chance to see Sara yet.

There's a knock on the door, I expect my doctor to come in to make me sign the release papers instead my favorite nurse comes in.

"Howdy, Ms. W," Connor smiles brightly.

"Hey Connor, you're pulling a double?" I ask

"I knew you were leaving so I change shift to say bye."

"You're too sweet for words," I reply touched by his gesture.

"Oy, stop now you're going to make me blush."

I laugh lightly. "Connor, you know my little sister Nancy."

"Howdy there," he says timidly.

It's not the first time that those two meet, I'm pretty good when it comes to human interaction and obviously Connor has a crush on my sister and judging by the way Nancy keeps acting like a shy teenager in his presence I'd say this crush goes both ways. I think I'm going to help luck a bit here.

"You have to come home for dinner Connor, you've been so good to me," I offer.

"That would be my pleasure Ms. W. but I don't want to impose. Plus you need to take it easy."

"I'll make sure she doesn't overdo it but, she's right, you should come for dinner. I know my sister and you sure deserve a good dinner after putting up with her all that time," Nancy adds instantly joking.

"Well..." he resists a bit.

"Please, Connor, you're not going to become a stranger with me now, are you?" I pout.

"Oh I wouldn't dare. Alrighty then, who am I to refuse an invitation from two pretty women, eh?"

"Excellent, that's settled then."

We proceed to exchange numbers and then the doctor comes with the papers, he gives me some last minute recommendations before leaving again. Connor comes back a little out of breath when we were just about to leave the room.

"I almost forgot…" he starts putting his hand in his pocket. "I got you a little something," he hands me a tiny velvet box.

I open it and see a silver three leafed clover pendant attached to a silver chain. I smile remembering the story he told me about the St Patrick on one of those many nights I couldn't sleep. "It's a …shamrock…right?" I ask.

"Yup," he answers proudly. "It's for good luck. I'm really fond of you and really enjoy your company but I don't want to see you in this hospital bed any time soon though, I thought this would help a bit," he explains.

I put the chain around my neck before taking Connor in a warm hug. "Thank you very much, I love it."

"Great," he smiles.

"Thanks for everything Connor."

"You're very welcome," he squeezes me a bit before releasing the embrace. "I got to go back to work, you take of her, right?" he winks at Nancy.

"Count on it," Nancy stammers.

And with that Connor leaves the room.

"Close your mouth Nance, you're drooling."

"He's so sweet and his accent is soooo sexy….and his ass…"

"Nancy!" I scold her.

"What?" she exclaims.

"You're incorrigible."

"Yeah, yeah, I can't wait for this dinner," she chuckles.

Arriving at my house I find Lindsey, my brother and his wife, my mom, my nephews and nieces, and even Sam welcoming me back home. I give a bone crushing hug to Lindsey, all my anxiety flying out the window. I'm home with my family, and for the first time I'm even glad to see Sam, I guess there's a first time for everything.

…

The first days back went by in a blur. Nancy was temporarily living with me, helping me to find my marks again and making sure that I didn't overdo it, like she had promised to Connor.

My days were split between going to the hospital, for physical therapy first and to see Sara. The boys – Greg, Nick, Warrick, Brass, Grissom, were visiting her everyday. I love them, but I became selfish when it came to Sara. I wanted to be alone with her. Our time was special for me, I think it was for her too. We didn't speak when we were together, I just lied on her shoulder – on the one that wasn't injured, and she just held me there. I stayed until the nurse came to change her bandage or just to check on her. Then generally her brothers came, we spent a little time together and after I called Nancy to come pick me up.

One week and a half after waking up Sara was allowed to go back home. We saw each other at least once a day since we both had physical therapy. Then her brothers insisted for me to stay with them for lunch or dinner so basically we spent almost all our time together.

One month and several sessions of counselling with the department shrink we were finally back to work. Of course we only do paperwork and we have flexible working hours. We whined a bit but then again we weren't done with our physical therapy and we had some sessions with the shrink left so it was a lost battle for us, but it was good to finally get out of the house and do something, time off was driving me crazy.

So here I am back at my desk for a few hours before going back home.

"Knock, knock," I hear from the threshold of my office.

A smile is already on my lips when my eyes lay on Sara. "Hey, how's your shift?"

"Paperwork sucks…nothing new here," she chuckles.

"Tell me about it," I reply with a smile. "You wanted something?"

"Yeah, my brothers are going back home tomorrow, and they want to have you for dinner tonight if you don't have any plans."

"With pleasure, I'll be there."

"You can bring Linds along if you want."

"She's sleeping over at Nancy's, apparently her and her cousins are making some experiments."

"I see, so I'll see you tonight then?"

"Count on me."

I stay two more hours at work and then go to Nancy to spend some time with Lindsey before going back home to be ready for the dinner at Sara's.

I decide to go with a really comfortable outfit, jeans and black tank top, with my hair held in a loose pony tail.

When I arrive at Sara's I'm welcomed with warm hugs and kisses on my cheeks by her brothers. We talk around a drink first before passing to the table where an appetizing dinner cooked by Sara and Sydney.

I feel really at ease among them, and they helped me to know Sara better. She's goofy – more than one could expect, she's a daredevil – nothing new here, she has a great sense of humour, she has a piggy character, she's stubborn as hell, and I could talk about her qualities and defaults for days to no end, but I came to realize that with Sara there was always something to learn about her every new day.

"…yeah, well I think that she was predestined to be a vegetarian," Charlie laughs.

"Oh yeah and why is that?" I ask curious, for all I know Sara became a vegetarian after a pig experiment with Grissom.

"She was eating plants and flowers at a very young age," Sydney adds with a wide grin.

"Oh come on guys!" Sara pleads, but they completely ignore her.

"She had read a book about dinosaurs and she decided that she was a…what was the name she used again?" Charlie asks.

"'Vegetosaurus', I said, I was a 'Vegetosaurus'," Sara answers, rolling her eyes. I try to contain my laugh but it's hard. "Go on and laugh."

I explode with laughter, I laugh so hard that I can barely breathe.

"And then she discovered the gorillas…boy were we in trouble then," Rueben says.

"Hey, don't you dare gang up with them or I'm going to tell the story of the day you discovered gravity," Sara threats him but he just sticks his tongue to her.

"Yeah, she ate bananas and ants, for two weeks!" Charlie elaborates.

"Oh come on, ants? Gee, Sara," I exclaim.

"Hey, that's what gorillas do!"

We laugh until we cry and then more embarrassing stories are told and each one of them is called on the carpet. I have to say that I don't remember the last time I've spent such a good time. The dinner is excellent and the company is even better.

After the dessert and a coffee, Charlie, Sydney and Rueben get ready to drive back all the way to California. I hug them, promising to keep in touch and keep and eye on their sister, and then give them a little privacy to say goodbye to Sara. There are no tears just love, smiles, and laughs, they have a hard time to part but eventually they do, giving there word to Sara to be safe on the road and to call whenever they arrive.

We lead them to their car, and two minutes later we're waving them as they disappear in the night.

Sara and I go back inside, we clean the dishes and the living room. Then we decide to have a cold soda on her balcony – yeah we can't drink anything alcoholic, doctor's order.

"Thank you for tonight, I had a very good time."

"Oh I don't doubt about it, I don't have any shred of dignity left," Sara chuckles.

"Your brothers are funny, I like them."

"Yeah, they like you too. They're all under the Willows' charm."

"I'll take that as a compliment," I snort lightly before taking a sip of my drink. We share a long and comfortable silence. "I got a question."

"Ask away."

"How come you don't work with them? They took over the family business and you went in the crime lab, why?"

From what I understood the boys work at the bed and breakfast of their parents and a woodwork shop of their grandparents.

"To be honest, after Harvard I was planning on going back to work at the shop with Rueben and our cousins."

"Really?"

"Yup, I've always loved watching my grandfather making wonders with wood, and when I was young I wanted nothing more than learn to do it myself."

"What happened?"

"I went to Grissom's conference," she says as an explanation. I can only understand, this man have a way to cast a strong spell on the people.

"Your parents didn't say anything?"

"My brothers were a bit worried at first but eventually they were happy for me, I was doing something that I liked."

Once again that little something that is always off whenever her parents are mentioned. Their absence at their daughter's bed didn't go unnoticed either.

"Conflicted relationship with your parents?" I decide to push the issue.

"Not really. My father's dead since I'm 13 and my mother, she…hasn't been around in a long time."

Even though she answered me I can feel that there's a lot of information missing in her statement, her silences speak to me yet I can't decipher them, maybe one day I will.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be, I'm not really."

"Okay…"

"How's Nancy, by the way?" she asks to break the awkward silence.

I giggle immediately. "On a little cloud, Connor and her had their first official date two days ago and it went very well."

"He's a sweet guy."

"Yeah, and I'm really happy for Nance."

Thinking about them makes me think about Sara and I. We've never talked about what happened in the forest between us. Of course since we've been getting closer to each other there have exchanged some intimate moment, long hug, holding hands, an occasional kiss on the cheek, but then the distance comes back.

Personally I'm afraid to find out that what happened in the forest stayed in the forest and was just due to the really delicate situation we were in. I know that my feelings are still there, and I guess that too afraid to be hurt I'm waiting for a sign, any sign that it meant something to her and that she feels something.

"So…how are you?" she asks me.

"I'm good, I…" I start to answer automatically.

"Cath," she cuts me off. "It's me. Now, honestly, how are you?"

"Honestly..." I sigh. "I'm tired, my nights are plague with nightmares. On a normal night I sleep two hours top and on a rainy night, I'm lucky if I manage ten minutes. My hand is much better though, I can make a fist now and the other wounds heal pretty well," I mark a pause. "It's funny because, I feel different, sometimes I don't even know who's the woman in the mirror. It's like my body was there but my mind stayed in that forest…I guess…I know that time will make it better," vulnerability makes me lose it and in spite of all my effort tears roll on my cheek silently.

Sara takes my hand and entwines our fingers before taking it to her lips and leaving a lingering kiss on the back of it.

"I was mad at you, you know?" I confess. "When I found out what you did, with the water…then I was mad at myself for not noticing at all, though I must say you were good at hiding it from me. I was mad at you because somewhere it was like you had plan on giving up…I know it doesn't make sense, but that's what I felt…"

"I know how my limits Cath, I wasn't planning on giving up on you," she says quietly. "I just…I didn't mind making a sacrifice as long as I didn't have to face Lindsey to tell her that her mother didn't make it…"

"Sara…" I untangle my hand.

"Don't get me wrong, I have a family that I love and friends, and I know that my death would be a disaster for them…but you have a daughter, I know it's cliché, but if I can make anything for her not to be an orphan then I'll do it."

"I was mad, but I'm grateful beyond words. You saved my life more than once. I'm forever grateful and you can be sure that I'll be there for you, come hell or apocalypse now."

"I'm stuck with you uh?" she snorts "Great…" she feign annoyance before chuckling.

"Fuck you…" I laugh through my tears.

She moves closer to me and puts a hand on my shoulder and then kisses my neck, letting her lips linger there. I lean my forehead against hers a few centimetres away from her lips; I can feel mine burning in anticipation, yearning to kiss her. I start to turn my head slowly but Sara pulls back with a sigh, once again the cold distance is set between us, and just as every time that happens I feel a void in my heart.

Silence surrounds us again.

I clear my throat and stand to go back inside. I put my empty bottle in the trash can and pass a hand in my hair. "I…uh…should go…"

"You can stay if you want to," Sara replies.

That's it, here we are, dancing around one another with unsaid and half silent confession or offers. 'If I want to'? Does she want me to stay or is she just being nice?

I want to stay that's not the point. I just don't want to be the only one to want to. I want her to ask me to stay, to want me to stay, but what's more. I want her to tell that in those terms.

I want her to want me.

"I don't know…I think I better get going," I tell her. Maybe one day I'll take my chance and decide to tell her what I feel, even if I can't put words on it.

"Okay…"

I grab my coat and put it on. I'm about to turn around when I hear Sara giggling. I look at her quizzically and she seems lost in thoughts, her giggle turns into a soft laughter.

"Did I miss a joke?" I ask giggling a bit myself.

"I just…" she tries to compose herself again. "Don't ask me why, but I just had this image of you…"

"Which one?"

"Cheeky…I can't believe that you were running bare naked…" she laughs hard.

"Oh come on…" I join her in her laughter and soon we're both holding our ribs.

She wipes the tears off her cheeks and tries to get her breathing under control again. "And here I thought I was wild…but you beat me to the pole…" she giggles.

"Oh shut it…" I stick my tongue at her.

"I was…I was the Tasmanian devil," she starts and I frown not following her. "I used to speak too fast to be understood by anyone except my brothers and I was like a tornado, anywhere I went I left a little chaos behind…so they called me Taz, like the looney tune character, you know?" she laughs again. Then she starts to bounce a bit a flip her arms "I'm a bird, I'm a bird!"

"Hey!" I protest and throw her a pillow from the couch. "You can talk 'Vegetosaurus'!" once again we explode with laughter.

"Oh…my stomach hurts…" she says holding her ribs. She's leaning against one of her wall. She's beaming and I have to say that this is one picture I like to see.

After a minute or two we finally calm down, I'm sitting on the back of the couch and Sara just let herself slide down the wall so she's sitting on the floor.

"I…I can't believe you remember that story," I state, then something hit me. "That's the first thing you said…"

"What is?"

"Taz…when you woke up…at the hospital…that's the first thing you said," my smile fades away thinking about her in this hospital bed.

"Oh…"

"I better go," I say as I start to walk to the door.

Sara stands up hurriedly and comes after me. "Hey, what's wrong? What just happened?"

"Nothing, I just need to…to go home," I stammer.

"Cath…" she sighs. "Okay."

I'm in the entrance when I turn abruptly to face her. "You know you're right, you could have killed me," my voice is laced with tears and the gamut of emotion raging in me. I can see hurt flashing through Sara's eye, I'm sure she doesn't know where that's coming from, just like she doesn't understand what I mean. I walk back to her, my body only inches away from hers.

"Losing you…watching on that hospital bed, that was killing me and…if I had lost you then…that would have killed me," I finally confess her.

Sara looks at me at lost for words, taken aback. I cup her cheek with one of my hands. "I was so scared of losing you…"

We stare at each other silently both really affected, and then without a word I lean in and kiss her.

Her lips are soft against mine and I can't help but thinking about our second kiss for she's not reacting at first but then I feel her hands moving over my body, one rests on my waist and the other loses itself in my hair. She kisses me back and I feel like I've been waiting for this moment all my life.

The kiss is slow but I can feel something I've never felt before, something igniting in me begging to explode. I part my lips and feel her tongue caressing mine, soon we're engaged in a sensual dance. We're clinging into each other and then our hands start to take a life on their own.

I'm light headed and my heart is beating like a thousand jackhammers. My hands are on the hem of her shirt awkwardly unbuttoning it. I have to let go of her shirt as she pushes my coat off my shoulders. We break the kiss for a split second before locking again. Our hasty breathings are mingling with our moans. I break our kiss and lean my forehead against hers taking the few seconds to completely unbutton her shirt with my shaky hands.

She pulls my top out of my pants, her hands immediately burn my skin, paradoxically I feel a shiver running down my spine as I feel her palms on my back and her lips on my neck. We start to pitch like a boat in the middle of a tempest as we try to move to the bedroom while keeping our focus on our kiss and undressing the other.

Each new piece of clothing that falls renews our hunger for each other. I gasp and my knees buckle when I feel her hand tracing my curves in my pants before taking them down.

Her lips and hands are everywhere, her caress on my skin are delicate and attentive to my every reactions. Our skins covered with a thin layer of sweat, our body communicating in a language that can only be translated by moans, whispers, sighs, incoherent words, shudders, and more; and when finally they are finally coalescing into one perfect unit our voices break in a silent cry.

Now Sara's asleep soundly. My hand is still idly running across her bare back, many more scars than I can explain, like a map of all the past years.

The taste of her skin is still on my lips when I leave her apartment silently in the early hours of the morning.

Forty minutes later I'm still sitting in my car in my driveway, my head softly banging against the wheel.

I should have stayed. Better yet, I should have left a note.

Way to fuck things up Cath, way to fuck things up.

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**Hopefully I'll be back soon…and if anyone see a sparkle named Mojo, please tell him to come back home, chapters don't come easily without him.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Oy! I'm back! Thank you all very much for your reviews, you are the sweetest! On with the chapter then…**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**Ps: thanks **scuby **for fighting with me, it's one thing I really enjoy with you ;)**

**Thank you **Max **for your pov, it mattered ;)**

Boulou Boulou**, french is more than fine by me...ce n'est que ma langue maternelle après tout :P**

**For** Immi**, I thought a little distraction would be welcomed ;).**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"Geez!" I hear Nancy exclaims as she enters her kitchen area. "You scared me," she chuckles.

I have the keys to Nancy's house just like she has a set of keys for my house. However I seldom let myself in, if I do it means that something is up.

"Sorry."

"It's alright…you're okay?"

"Yeah…no…I don't know…" I answer. "How are you?"

"Like a charm," she smiles and winks at me.

"Oh…is Connor there?" I whisper.

"No, he's at work, don't worry."

"Thanks goodness, I'd have hated to ruin anything."

Nancy chuckles and pours herself a mug of milk. She sits next to me at the table. "So…how are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Cath…how are you?"

"I just told you, I'm fine."

"Cath, I can tell when you lie. Now, seriously, how are you?"

"I'm…" I'm about to say fine but her look warn me. "I'm tired…I haven't slept a lot lately. How are things going with Connor?"

"I see," smiles wickedly for some unknown reason. "We're taking things slowly…well, he's taking things slowly," she reaches out for the collar of my shirt and pulls on it a bit. "And judging from the not so little mark on your neck, I'd say you've been wrinkling the sheets with someone…"

I immediately pull my collar back, hiding my neck. Sara didn't go easy, I'm not complaining, not at all, but right now I wish my sister was blind. "What do you mean he's taking things slowly?"

"What do you think I mean?" she asks rhetorically. "Well, no it's not true, it's a common agreement. We take things slow but you know…I've been single for quite a while now and there's a part of me that wishes we weren't taking our time getting around the…wait a minute…don't think I'm going to forget about the mark on your neck…"

"Connor is a sweet guy, I'm sure he's just trying to make it work. You're the one who said you wanted something serious with him…"

"Hello?? Where did that come from?" she asks pulling on my collar again. "Who did you sleep with? Dracula?"

"No, I didn't," I reply flatly. "So when's your next date with Connor?"

"Catherine…who left the mark?" she repeats like a broken record. "Who. Left. The. Mark? Come on, spill, who left that monstrous hickey on your neck? Are there others? Spill the beans, who tried to eat you?" actually my sister is a broken record when she's obsessed about something. She won't say anything unless I confess so I might as well give in.

"Sara. Alright? Sara left the mark."

"Sara? Ok, where did you meet her? How long have you known her?" she shoots her questions immediately, then I can see her brain catching up. "Wait, wait, wait…wow…wow…uh…Sara? Work Sara?...Your Sara?"

"I don't know so many Sara, do I?"

"Sara Sidle?" she's clearly in shock. "Sara Sidle left the mark."

"Yeah, that Sara. So when's your next date with Connor," I try to change the subject.

"I don't know…how did this happen?" she gets back on track.

"She tripped, fell and bit me to break the fall," I look at her blankly.

"Seriously, Catherine."

"We slept together."

"Slept together? As in you shared a bed and kept her awake with your snoring?"

"I do not snore," I protest.

"You do, too."

"Do not…"

"Do too…"

"Do not…"

"Do too…"

"Oh bite me," I finally give up and a second later I realise that I just offered her a bait for one witty reply. I hold my hand up as she opens her mouth "Don't you say anything."

She closes her mouth but a subtle smile plays on her lips, she's probably laughing inwardly at a joke I'll never hear.

"How did this happen? When did this happen?"

"We slept together as in we had sex, a few days ago – four days ago to be exact."

"How?" she's got to be kidding me. "I mean, how did this happen? I mean…I know how to have sex…" she stammers.

"I thought you already knew about the birds and bees," I answer with sarcasm.

"You drop this bombshell on me and you expect me to just be coherent and make sense… I mean…Sara…" she shakes her head and mimics the fish out of water for a minute or two. "Was it the first time?" she asks out of the blue.

"Oh please, Nance, you know I've slept with women before, don't tell me you don't, I know you do."

"No…I mean yes I know...smartass…what I meant is, was it the first time with Sara?"

"Yes, it was."

"Was it such bad thing to have you looking like your pet has been ran over?"

"I left."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…we slept together and I left before she woke up," I elaborate.

"You were…called in?"

"I still can't be in the field."

"Tell me you left a note…" she almost begs.

"What do you think?"

"Cath…come on…what is wrong with you?" she snaps. "You're a grown damn woman, so is she. This is Sara you're talking about. The woman that you did everything you could to see in the hospital; the woman you threatened everyone over until they finally told you how she was. I knew…I _knew_ something was going on and that you felt something…I mean, you do, don't you? Or were you just using her, hoping to 'pay her back' for what she did for you?"

"Hey, hey, hey….give me a break alright?!" this time I explode.

"A break? You want a break? Do you even realize what you did?"

"Yes I do! I do…," I'm on the verge of breaking down. "I already feel like the greatest idiot of the century as it is without your help…so please…give me a break okay?" some tears escape the corners of my eyes.

She sighs and I know she won't give me a hard time now. My sister has never had a conscience case over kicking my ass when she thought I needed it, she never beats around the bush to tell me what she thinks. It's on of her greatest qualities – it's also one thing we all have in common in the family, though some of us had the good grace to learn diplomacy. And if sometimes I do need her to kick my ass right now I'd like her to actually give me a little comfort, because I've already kicked my ass enough as it is.

"What did she say about you leaving?"

I screwed up badly, no need to be a genius to understand that. I can't even find an explanation myself and I want one. Now, I put myself in Sara's shoes and I know she deserve one. It's been four days, we haven't exactly been avoiding one another but she ignored me passively. I don't know whether to bless or curse the fact that she hasn't yet gone ballistic on me. But then again, since I'm the one in fault here I know that she's expecting me to be an adult.

"I'd have to talk to her to know the answer to that question."

Nancy closes her eyes and takes a deep breath not to shake me senseless. "Well, at least you didn't do anything half way," she sighs. "What happens now?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want her?"

"I want…" my mind is just a big mess that's the only thing I know and I can't still make head or tail of what happened for me to run like I did. "I want to fix things up."

"kitten, this is one of those times where I can't really help you because I'm not in that head of yours. You're the only one who can get the answers here. Now I hate to tell you this but if you don't sort things out soon and get your act together, then there won't be anything left to fix," she says squeezing my hand. She stands and kisses my forehead before turning to the countertop.

"Do you want some help with anything?" I ask in desperate need for any kind of distraction.

"Sure," she smiles at me. I stand and go to her and we start to prepare the breakfast of the kids.

"So…about you and Connor…"

…

"Catherine, when you have a little moment I'd like to have a talk with you in my office today."

"Sure thing, Gil," I reply tearing my eyes from my paperwork to look at him.

"Just come when you're done, no rush. Take it easy, alright? And if you feel too tired come to me and we'll readjust the schedule."

"I'm good Gil, don't worry," I reassure him. He nods with a smile and leave.

It's been two weeks since I've left Sara's place and ever since we haven't traded a single word, not even a glance. I do realise that more the time goes by and less I'll have chances to fix things, but I still haven't been able to understand what happened, I'm still swimming in troubled water and that keeps me from going to her, though every time we're in the same room I want to reach out.

There's a knock on my door but since I'm writing something I don't lift my head up. "This better be good, I'm busy," I greet my visitor.

"Warrick sends you this, he said he'd like your opinion and he's asking if you finished your conclusions on the Donovan case," Sara's voice resounds.

My heart immediately starts to race and a thousand emotions are flowing in my veins at the same time. I look at Sara for the first time and she has her emotionless mask on. "Put everything on my desk please," I order her without animosity.

She obeys and then waits. "What should I say to Warrick?" she asks after a long pause.

I sigh. "I'll deal with him later. Anything else?" I ask a bit frustrated. There we are, I'm irrationally angry and I know that I'm about to snap. I'm not ready to confront her for anything at all. She makes me way too vulnerable and the only defence mechanism that has never failed me is anger.

She looks at me before shaking her head. "No," and with that she leave my office closing the door behind her.

Ten minutes later there's another knock on my door. "What?!" I bark. The door opens and I can hear someone coming in and closing the door behind them. "This better be _really_ good because I'm not in the mood right now."

I'm met with nothing but silence and I can feel the little patience I had flying through the window. Whoever it is, they either are really stupid or they have a death wish. To my surprise I'm facing Sara again.

I get over my shock pretty quickly though. "What do you want?" I ask harshly.

"Can we talk?" her voice is calm and steady. "I realise that this might not be the most opportune time or place to talk, but can we set a time to talk?"

I'm in state of sheer panic, I want to throw up and run really far from here as fast as I can. "What do you want to talk about?" I opt for the 'play dumb' card.

She's slightly taken aback and I can see a tiny light of hurt in her eyes before her expression turns neutral again. "I don't know…I don't know what we could talk about…"

We stay silent for a moment and he tension in the room is enough to choke on. I might have positively screwed things up even more than they already were and to top it off I feel trap now.

"Listen, Sidle, not that I don't enjoy this little social call but I do have a lot of work to do so, if you don't mind I'd like to get back to it."

"Sidle…" she repeats in a mere whisper. "Wow…I can't say I had missed this…" she looks like I had just punched her in the guts. "Yeah…well…I'm going to go, we both know how important paperwork is…sorry for troubling your focus," she says still a bit disoriented, then she turns around and gets out of my office.

Could I be anymore of a bitch? I don't think so, I think I've actually set a new record. I take the bottle of water that is sitting on my desk and throw is against the wall in front of me.

"Shit!" I curse before burying my face in my hands.

Two hours later I'm in Grissom's office sitting on chair and watching him giving some affection to his tarantula. When he's done he focuses all his attention on me.

"How are you?" he asks with a soft smile.

"I'm fine thank you…" I intended to keep my answer to that but Grissom has this subtle and powerful way to make you confess everything, something in the way he looks at you or tilts his head imperceptibly when he feels there's something more. "A bit tired at the moment, but since my schedule isn't regular it messes up a bit with my sleep pattern, although it's nothing major."

"How do you feel? Your injuries are healing well? How is your hand?"

"I feel good thanks. Yes my injuries healed well they are nothing more but scars now. As for my hand…" I hold it in front of you. "I can flex it, I can make a tight fist and if now and then it's still a bit stiff I can use it completely without trouble."

He nods "Physical therapy is going well?"

"I'm almost done with that. Now it's just about learning to do exercises on my own and getting some more strength back."

"I see. I spoke with Tom, the department shrink? You still have to see him?"

"Yeah, we have one or two sessions to go."

"As I said I spoke with Tom and he's satisfied of your work together and he thinks that you're ready to go back in the field. Now, do you feel ready?"

"Oh boy do I feel ready. I feel like I was a five years old kid who's on the backseat of the car that is leading him to his favorite place ever. I'm boiling inwardly with impatience, I'm eager to be there yet, every cell of my body is yearning to be there yet, and the car trip seems to last an eternity while I feel on the verge of exploding. I'm more than ready to go back in the field. If I have to keep on paperwork I know that soon I'll commit a murder, just to have a scene to process," I joke – though paperwork does give me murderous envies.

"I see," he chuckles. "Well, I don't have any objection, so you're going back in the field."

"Really? That's great!" I don't bother to hide my joy, I feel like I was finally aloud to go play with the other kids after too many days in quarantine.

"Yes, really. Starting next week you're going back in the field."

Of course there was a catch, but I don't say anything.

"Catherine, I need you at your best, so this week you'll still be in part shift but you can work in the different labs in the meanwhile."

"Thanks Gil."

"Sure thing. Now if you're done with your paperwork you can go home, if not, remember to clock out in an hour."

"Yes, sir," I smile to him before standing to make my way out.

"Catherine," he calls me back. I turn around a look at him expectantly.

"I'm glad things are coming back to normal. We missed you…I missed you…"

I've always found him too cute for words when he's trying to express his feeling and let some vulnerability show. A good thing in know him pretty well, so I can read in between the lines. I know that he's talking about me being fine again, and then he says he's missed me I know he's not talking about work. I know that what he's really saying is that, he was scared to lose me.

Though he is awfully awkward at expressing his feelings most of the time, he always manage to touch me deeply.

I smile at him. "I glad to be back," I tell him before letting my lips linger on my hand in a soft and affectionate kiss which I blow in his direction. I can see him blushing from where I stand but I don't say anything.

"Off you go then."

"I'll see you tomorrow Gil."

I leave his office with a mood definitely improved. I guess at least one thing in my life is going the right way.

I almost bump into Sara as she's exiting the locker room while I was coming in. She mumbles an apology but never looks at me as she disappears in the corridor. I sit on the bench and sigh heavily. I silently pray that I still have something to fix between her and I.

…

"Cath?" Nancy calls me, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Is something wrong kitten?" she asks with concerned as she takes a sit at her kitchen table. "It's the second times you're using your keys. Don't get me wrong that's why I gave them to you…but it's not really like you."

"I've never been in love, you know? Forty years old and I've never been in love once," I chuckle bitterly. "It's pretty sad and pathetic, don't you think?" I ask rhetorically. She looks at me silently, she knows I need to be listened to, so she won't say anything until I ask her to break her silence. She stands and makes us two mugs of tea, then she sits again and waits for me to go on. I take a sip of the hot drink and look out the window. "I've never loved anyone, I mean, really love. Not even Eddie and I married the guy."

I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm just starting to be able to vocalize all the things clouding my mind. I seldom second guess myself or analyse my feelings. I've never ever let anyone close enough to hurt me, never opened myself to hurt. All my youth, I've watched my mother moping, hurting and waiting for the man she loved to actually care about her; and I watched the man she married cheating on her countless time and not treating with the slightest bit of respect. I've always sworn to myself that I wouldn't be like her. It was painful to see her pained and heartbroken, it was painful and sad.

So I never let people get close, in the end the only thing that ever is broken is my ego, but my heart is safe.

"I loved what he represented…Eddie. At first it was fun, party, sex and drugs, then it was my chance for a new life and then…I love the fact that he gave me the most precious gift ever, Lindsey. But I never loved him for who he was."

No surprises here, I mean there was nothing much to expect from that relationship even though it was the longest I've ever had. I mean 80 per cent of this relationship was under influence and the 20 per cent without influence were chaotic and catastrophic, except maybe for the first months of Lindsey's life.

"How am I supposed to know…if I love someone?"

I look at her lost and distraught.

"I don't know kitten. All I know is that nothing ever prepares you for it. It's a confusion of feelings, it's like being caught in a whirlwind, you can't make head or tail of what's going on, and everything is upside down. But the thing they should tell you and never do is that you don't find love, love finds you, and then…you're screwed."

"I just…don't get how…I never allowed anyone to get close, I didn't allowed her…she just found her way there…so deeply under my skin in such a little time…what am I…I'm scared out of my mind…" I break down.

She takes me in her arms. "I guess this mean you still haven't talked to her," my tears double at her words, just another reminder of how screwed things are.

…

Today is the first time I'm going in the field again, and as chance would have it, Grissom paired me up with Sara. I haven't spoken to her since the time in my office and three weeks have already passed since the night we've spent together. We've been driving to our scene for the past ten minutes in dead silence.

"So…how have you been?" I ask her weakly. It's lame even to my ears I know that, but I have to start somewhere, don't I?

She keeps on watching the road going by, not acknowledging me. I noticed that she's been back to her old self, pulling double, keeping everyone at distance.

"How's your shoulder?" I try again but she keeps on ignoring me.

Five minutes later I decide to pull over.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"We need to talk."

"Talk? What about?" she plays dumb, just like I did.

"Sar…" I sigh.

"Oh so now we're back to first name basis, aren't we? That's progress…"

She's bitter, can't really say I didn't deserve that.

"So is this how it's going to be? You're going to pretend not to know what need to talk about?"

"Now that's the pot calling the kettle black."

"Sara, I know you're probably mad at me…"

"No, you don't know anything. You know, you don't have to bother, I got the message loud and clear, it didn't mean anything. That's fine."

"Is that what you think?"

"I had to conclude that it was the message you tried so hard to convey during those past weeks."

"Look, I know what I did was wrong…I just…you don't understand."

"I can't understand I what you didn't even try to explain to me."

"I'm trying now…" I sigh heavily, now is not the moment to lose my temper. "There's a lot to talk about…when I left…the way I did…it…it was a mistake…I knew that as soon as I did it…"

"Why did you leave?"

There we are, the one million dollars question. I've never been good at expressing myself when my feelings were involved and now is no exception. Sara made me feel completely overwhelmed by my emotions before our night together, now I feel more vulnerable than ever.

"There's not a simple answer to that…"

"I've never expected anything simple coming from you," she replies with a snort. "I've never expected anything at all…except maybe not to be treated like some random stranger," she shakes her head.

If I had any doubt about the fact that I have hurt her, it's now gone. I start to reach out for her hand but stop in mid motion. "You're not some random stranger…I didn't want to leave…"

"I'm a grown up, I can deal with anything, as long as you clue me in. But what you did? It's…"

"I…there's no excuse…"

Silence lingers, full of unsaid and regrets. I don't like feeling exposed like I do right on this instant. If I listened to myself then I would give up now, because it's not safe and I can feel the sting in my heart, one tiny crack which will undoubtedly spread to make pieces of my precious organ.

"That's all you have to say?" her voice is cold "That's a bit light for someone who claimed that there was a lot to talk about."

Her words hurt, like a hot iron on tender flesh. I close my eyes and try not to cry. I'm at loss for words, pain is hindering me. I wish I wasn't so inept emotionally.

"You should start to drive then, they're waiting for us at a scene."

This moment is the moment I've always run away from. The moment I have to let my guard completely down. Under normal circumstances, this is the moment when I toughen myself up and just blow everything away, because fundamentally it didn't mean anything in the first place. But those aren't normal circumstance. Sara crept her way around every defence I had and she just stayed there in the vicinities of my heart, making me fragile and scared, seeing me, bare-naked – both literally and metaphorically.

She sighs and turns to the window when she sees that I'm not moving.

It's seem so unfair to me that I'm the one who has to decide to expose myself, when I'm not even sure the sacrifice won't be vain. Thinking about it though, I don't feel like there were any other options, as hard as it is, it feels like the right thing to do. I won't say I'm not scared anymore, because I am, and I'm certainly not ready for the hurt, but not letting go now means losing something – I don't know what yet, but something that is more precious to me than I can express.

"You were asleep…" my voice is weak and my lips are shaking, each word feels like mountain to climb. "You were asleep…" I repeat louder. "I was beside you…running my hand over your back…over your scars…I could still feel your skin on my lips…" reflexively my fingertips go to my lips. "It struck me then that there was so much I didn't know about you…it scared me…suddenly the need to know was overwhelming…"

She's looking at me with a frown, obviously not really getting where I'm coming from or even where I'm going with this.

"Where did the scars come from? Why Harvard and not Stanford? What was your favorite Disney movie growing up? How old were you when you lost your first tooth? Did you ever want braces to close that gap…that gap which I find so adorable and so you…Did you ever dye your hair? What birthday do you remember more than any other? Were you afraid of something when you were kid? What's your favorite color?... I wanted to know everything…and that…that…scared the living daylights out of me…" I finally let it all out.

"I don't get it…this doesn't make any sense…I mean it's not like you gave me the chance to let you know all those things!...If you wanted to know those thing so much you should have stayed!...Damn it, you didn't even ask any of those things! Not ever!" she exclaims clearly lost.

"I'm not doing a good job at explaining…I wanted to know…" I struggle.

"Then you should have stayed!" now she's getting angry.

"I couldn't! Don't you get it?!" I shout as tears spill from my eyes.

"No I don't! And I'm trying really hard, but I don't get it!"

"I wanted to know, Sara…I wanted to know it all…" I try again.

"Maybe you would have…given the chance…but doesn't matter now, does it?" she says sharply.

"You just don't…you don't understand!" I growl in frustration, moving my hand animatedly. "I… I wanted to know..." my voice becomes a mere whisper. "I've never wanted to know…never…" I take a deep breath and erase my tears with the back of my hand. "This might surprise you but…you're not the first person I've slept with…"

"Yeah…I gathered that Lindsey wasn't the product of the immaculate conception," she replies with a voice laced with sarcasm.

"That's not what I meant…I've…I've slept with many people and most of the time…that was it…I didn't care, I never did…I didn't want to know…"

There's a long pause, I guess that the meaning of my words is finally start to sink in her. "What changed?" she asks hesitantly.

"I don't know…something in me changed…you changed me…"

She looks at me a bit disoriented, obviously affected by my words. She tries to speak but nothing comes out, eventually she gives up and turns to the window again. She shakes a little as if she was about to cry, she refuses to meet my gaze. She draws a long and deep breath and holds it in. When she releases it she has composed herself again.

"Say something," I beg softly.

She doesn't say anything at all and for a moment it's like nothing I had said mattered. She turns a bit and looks straight ahead, I can see that her defences are up again, she has this blank expression, cold and detached. "We better get going, I don't want people to assume I lost us again."

The pain cuts my breath. I don't think I would have felt any worse if she had just laughed at my face. I suppose I had it coming, I screwed things up badly. I just had wished that I wasn't too late to fix it.

I cover my eyes with my hands for a moment, long enough to compose myself again. I silently turn the ignition again and start to drive.

I feel empty, like never before.

We arrive twenty minutes later. I unfasten my seatbelt and take a few cleansing breaths, I wouldn't live it down if I showed any weakness on a crimes scene. I'm about to exit the car when Sara's voice reaches my ears.

"Why telling me this now?"

I turn to her but she keeps her eyes somewhere in the distance. "Because…I needed you to know…and I needed to tell you…"

She nods silently. I wait a bit, hoping for something more but it doesn't seem to come. I resign myself and go to open the door but once again her voice keeps me prisoner of the car.

"What about now?"

"Now?" I ask her with confusion.

"Yeah now," she finally looks at me and I can't read her expression. "What do you want now?"

I open my mouth and close it again. I reach for her hand and take it in mine. The embrace is loose, she's not holding my hand back. "I still want to know," I tell her honestly.

She nods silently, her eyes linger on our hands and then she looks away. "We should go, we're already late," she finally says as she opens her door and retrieves her hand from mine.

The feeling of loss is unbearable. I guess I should feel glad finally faced my fear, now I have the rest of my life to kick myself in the ass for doing it too late.

* * *

**Well...I'm already thinking of the next update...and hopefully Mojo will be kind enough to stick around a bit...**

**Thanks for reading**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey! Thank you so much for the reviews you make my day! Here's a new chap, hope you'll like it…**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**Ps: **scuby **thanks for putting up with me all the time.**

chimp1984, **yes I am a milk junky and I'm proud of it, I say it out loud, I love milk! The cows be blessed! **

* * *

**Chapter 15**

It's been a long shift. I'm glad that it's coming to its end.

"Well, I sure am happy that this shift is almost over," Sara voices my thoughts as she comes into the break room. I feel my heart flutters and the butterflies in my stomach start to go crazy just at the sight of her.

I sit down immediately, afraid I'll fall on my ass if I didn't.

"What did you have?" I ask her.

"A car accident which turned out to be an insurance fraud," she answers as she sits on the couch. "Two dudes, decided to crash into each other to get money, can you believe it?"

Ever since our talk in the car things are coming back to some normal. She's making a point for us to have casual conversation or interaction. We have a friendly work relationship, but outside those boarders we don't have any kind of contact. So we're friendly co-workers, but not friends. I can't say that this relationship satisfies me, but then again I'm in no position to ask for more.

"People are crazy," I chuckle.

"Tell me about it. What did you have?"

"Robbery, it was more boring than anything else."

"I see," she smiles softly.

We start to talk about our cases and then the guys come in so her focus goes to them. Greg's sister is in town and she came to pick him up. We meet Greg's niece, the little Angie, is adorable and Greg is just too cute for words when he's playing with her.

Pretty soon the break room is a bit packed and it looks a lot like a family reunion. I enjoy myself, mostly observing Sara coming and going. I've never been one to be mushy when it came to people I was attracted to. Sara gave a meaning to the words 'object of my affection'. I feel like an awkward teenager next to her, hanging on every of her words, attentive to all the little details about her.

"…pockets full of posies…ashes…ashes…we all fall down….ring around the rosy…" my heartbeat instantly increases at the sound of this tune. When I look around and see Greg making Angie dance, singing along with her and giggling.

I feel nausea rising though, all those memories I've been trying hard to suppress come back full force. I take deep breaths but oxygen seems to refuse filling my lungs. Panic is slowly freezing my bones, I stand hurriedly and start to make my exit.

"Hey Cath, you're alright? You're a little pale," Warrick asks me.

"Yeah, yeah, I just …need air…" I make a big effort not to lose my lunch as I speak. Greg and Angie's voices seem to get louder and dizziness is slowly taking the best pf me.

I jump out of my skin and start to shake hard when Warrick raises his hands, something shines in his hand and for a second I see a knife, I can't help the yelp leaving my lips. When I blink the knife as disappears and became his set of keys.

"Cath?"

This time I don't bother answering and practically run out of the room to the bathroom. I barely make it to a stall before throwing up. I try to breathe as deep as I can and reassure myself. I stand up and the dizzy spell makes me throw up again.

"Easy," Sara's soothing voice caresses my ear as she holds my hair back. When I'm sure my stomach is empty I stand up again. She holds me but I push her away a little.

"Please...don't…" I put one of my hands to my mouth. I see she's a bit hurt by my reaction, after all she's only helping me. "It's not you…it's just…" I feel her gaze on me, for some reason she always makes me feel expose and I can't hide. "I don't deal well with being weak…and even less at work," I confess.

I see understanding in her eyes and her expression softens again. I turn to the sinks and start to wash my mouth with water. I need a mint, a sweet, anything to make the bitter taste off my mouth. I throw some water on my face to cool off a bit. When I turn around I see Sara handing me one of her cherry sweets. For a second I stare at her hand wondering if she can actually read my mind.

"Thanks," I smile weakly, take the sweet from her.

We stay silent, she watches my every move and feeling her eyes on me makes me feel naked. I throw some more water on my face and turn to her again.

"That song sucks, uh?" she chuckles a bit.

"Yeah…" sigh. I smile but if I'm honest it gives me goose bumps just to think about it. "They probably think I'm crazy, now..."

"Well…" she rolls her eyes and thinks.

"Hey!"

"They won't ever say it aloud…I mean…they never did," she comes back.

I punch her lightly on her good shoulder. "Ah, ah, smartass," I laugh a bit. I'm glad she came after me, she has this way to always know how to make me laugh when I'm pissed or when I really feel bad. She understands me more than anyone does except maybe from my siblings.

"How do you feel?" she asks with concern. I'd like to say that I'm okay but I feel a bit shaky. Her eyes fall on my hands and even with my best effort I can't hide the fact that they are trembling badly. She doesn't voice it aloud though and I'm grateful for that. "Do you want me to take you home?"

"Do you mind?"

"I wouldn't ask if I did."

"Then yes, please."

"Sure thing. I'm going to go tell Griss that we're heading out early, you can wait for me in the car, I won't be long," she hands me her keys and winks at me before leaving.

Five minutes later she joins me in her car, the drive to my place is silent but not uncomfortable at all. When she parks in my drive, she exits the car first and makes it around the car to open my door. She walks me to my door, I have to say that I like her protectiveness.

I open my door and turn to her. I want her to come in but I don't know if she'll accept. I want my friend back, I missed the talks we had and the new thing we had going on after our ordeal. I know I blew it, but I wish we at least still had our friendship. She looks lost in thoughts, hesitating between staying and leaving me here.

"You're going to be okay by yourself?" she asks.

"Yeah," I nod.

"Okay then…I'm off," she turns around and I can't take my eyes off her. She's three steps away from her car when she turns around and comes back to my threshold. "Do you want to talk or something?" she asks in one breath.

I can only smile at her. I silently thank her to be her, to care in spite of everything. "Can you take care of the coffee while I go clean myself properly?"

"Sure thing."

I go upstairs and let her in the kitchen knowing that she'll remember her way around. I take a long shower and wash my mouth for five long minutes. When I come back I'm surprise by the aroma teasing my nostrils. Sara is waiting for me in the kitchen with cocoa and cookies. It brings a smile on my lips, now that it's there I can say that I actually prefer this to coffee.

"I hope you don't mind," she says though her back is still facing me I'm a bit startled, I didn't know she was aware of my presence. I sit next to her in front of the mug she has prepared for me. I covet it between my hands, letting the warmth comforting me.

I watch her as she dips her cookie in the cocoa and then takes a bite out of it, she as a subtle smile playing across her lips, something tells me that a good childhood memory is behind that smile. She doesn't ask anything or say anything, basically leaving it all up to me as to if I want to talk or not.

"Hearing this tune today…" I start. She immediately shifts her focus on me, her gaze is soft, reassuring, there's always this feeling of safety oozing from her, silently letting me know that everything is going to be okay.

"…Sent you straight back to the woods," she finishes and I nod.

"I know it's over but sometimes it just…" I chuckle nervously. "I have bad dreams about it…" I confess in a whisper.

"What does that dear Tom says about it?"

I snort and mimics our therapist voice "Catherine, you can't go through a traumatic experience and not expect aftermath…the bad dreams are part of the dealing process."

"Prick," she mutters and I can't help the little surprise before chuckling softly. "I'm not a fan of therapists," she says a bit embarrassed at her slip.

I laugh a bit before sighing. "You know how things could have been worse so many times?" I ask.

"Yeah…"

"Well in my dreams…the worse happens. You…you die and I can't do anything…"

"They are just dreams Cath. We are alive, we survived."

"I know…" I take the last sip of my cocoa. "How do you deal?"

"I just…do"

I can feel her wanting to open up yet holding back. I hurt her so I can't really blame for keeping her distance, but I wish she could trust me again.

"Do...uh…do you want some more?" she asks, I nod and she stands to refill our cups. "There you go," she put my mug back in front of me.

We stay silent and enjoy our drink. She looks thoughtful and I can see her struggling as to whether or not to keep the distance.

"There are times…when I hear a little noise…or a smell hits me…and it…it all floods back tenfold…"

For some reason, I don't think she's only talking about what happened in the forest. It's one of those unsaid I wish I could know the meaning of.

"And then…everything has to be done again," she adds.

"You think time makes it go away?"

"No it doesn't, but it makes it easier to deal with," she replies honestly.

My emotions overwhelm me and I can't hold back my tears. I wipe my tears, hiccup as I try to compose myself again. I'm more than stunned when I feel her warm hand on mine, silently comforting me.

"We need something to ground us…" my heart skips a beat, but before I can even dwell on whether or not she saying what I think she's saying or if I'm reading too much in her words, she clears her throat and goes on. "When you feel this coming on, find this thing that keeps you sane…that kept you out of there the first time…just hold on to Lindsey."

I want to tell her, I want her to know, that Lindsey isn't the only thing that kept me safe and going in the woods. I'm burning to tell her, but once again, what I did is still a fresh opened wound and I can't corner her with my feelings, she has to be willing to come back to me first.

"I have to stop scaring her at night first…" I chuckle nervously. My nightmares make me agitated and more than once Lindsey comes to wake me up, afraid and worried.

"I'm sure she's wiser and stronger than you give her credit for."

"I know…she's growing fast."

Her thumb makes slow circles on the back of my hand. I lose myself in that little touch. I pass my free hand on my cheeks again to erase any remaining tears.

Sara is looking at me with a soft gaze with her beautiful and soulful brown eyes. I sniff and chuckle. "So much for not feeling weak."

A subtle smile appears on her lips. I miss her radiant smiles, the one showing that adorable gap between her front teeth, the ones making her eyes sparkle as well.

"You need to get some rest, so I'll leave you alone," she announces as she stands again.

Her choice of words is like a sting to my heart, I don't want to be alone, I want to be with her. It hurts, and it also sets some panic back in me, after this little emotional rollercoaster I know that I won't handle things very well on my own. I yearn for her to stay but it's not like I could hold her here against her will, I'm already grateful for all she did, she didn't have to.

I follow her as she's making her way to the door. She stops once in front of it and turn around to face me. "Thank you," I start. "…for everything you did today, for taking me home and putting up with my rambling, I truly appreciate it," I tell her honestly.

"Sure, no problem," she grins a little.

There's an awkward silence, we are apparently both at loss as to where to go from here. For my part I know I've never ache so much for someone to take me in their arms, never yearn so much for someone's presence.

"Alright," she sighs. "I'm off, then. I'll see you at work."

She turns around, reaches for the doorknob, opens the door a few inches but then closes it again. She stays still, facing my door, her head hanging low, even though her back is facing me I know her eyes are closed as she takes that deep breath meaning that she's made up her mind about something. She turns around and comes closer to me, I don't move or speak afraid to unintentionally push her away. She's looking at me intently with an undecipherable expression, reaches out so her fingertips barely caress my face as if she was pushing an invisible lock away, before resting on my chin. She watches her hand moving on my skin, my eyes flutter close for a second, her light touch making my heart race and sending new kamikaze butterflies in my stomach. Her eyes reverts on mine, the air between is thick with electricity, my breathing is shallow, and I can feel my lips slightly quivering. She closes the distance to deliver a lingering kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes at the contact feeling my heart explode.

When she pulls back she looks at me one last time before breaking the eye contact, she lets go and turns around again to leave. I'm glue to the spot, still shaken by her touch, feeling hot, fuzzy, dizzy, mushy, and completely disoriented. My brain takes a little time to catch up, the click of the door being opened makes me focused again though.

"Sara…" I call her back. She turns around again and looks at me expectantly. My heart is drumming so hard in my ribcage that I'm sure she can hear it. I want to kiss her, I want to tell her all those things that my heart seems to scream but never quite manage to pass my lips. She tilts her head a bit and I realize that she's still waiting for me to speak again. "Would…I…nevermind…" I shake my head. "Drive safe," I end up saying.

She nods and steps out of my house, closing the door behind her. My head spin a little, it's the first time that someone affects me so much with so little gesture.

It's been five minutes since she's gone and I haven't moved yet, still dazed. I'm startled by a knock on the door. I look through the little window near the door and see Sara again. I open immediately, surprised she came back. I stare at her a bit at loss.

"What was it you wanted to say?" she says after a few seconds. My brain being still caught in the warm fuzzy feeling she created minutes ago is still far behind and doesn't really catch up with her question. "What were you about to say when I left?" she elaborates, obviously realizing that I hadn't understood her.

"Oh," is my eloquent reply.

"See, here's the thing…I won't be able to sleep or focus properly if I don't know, because my mind will run on and on to find out what it was and…"

"Stay with me," I drop.

"...it will obsess me to no end and…" she stops her rambling when my words sink. She looks like I had given her a little blow on the head.

"Would you mind staying?" I repeat my request. "I know I've no right to ask you anything with everything and all, but your presence makes me feel safe... you make me feel safe…"

She gaps a few times but no word or sound comes out. I can see her struggling with her thoughts and emotions.

I smile nervously to cover the hurt. "Like I said, nevermind."

We've just shared something, special and fragile. I don't think I'm ready to break that moment or taint it with an 'I don't think it'd be a good idea' or 'Cath, I'm sorry but…' speech, so I'd rather give her an easy exit.

"I...uh…" she frowns a tiny bit. "Yeah…I, uh, I can stay," she says in almost a whisper.

I wasn't expecting this, so I look at her and blink, making sure that I'm not just making all this up, but she's really there in front of me and looking rather nervous. I step aside and she comes in again. Both her hands are in her pocket a sure sign of self consciousness. We stay on the threshold a moment and then I understand that she's waiting for me to take the lead.

"I'm going to find you something more comfy to wear," I announce and she nods. I leave and go in my room, rummaging through my closet and drawers.

When I come back she's not on sight anymore and for a second I'm afraid she might have changed her mind and left after all, but the sound of water in the kitchen appeases my fears. She finishes cleaning our mugs.

"I would have done it later, you shouldn't have," I tell her.

She dries her hands on a dish rag and shrugs. "Sorry."

"It's okay," I smile. "Here," I put the clothes on one chair. "They should fit you."

"Thanks."

"You remember where the bathroom is?"

"Yeah," she nods before picking up the clothes and going to change.

When she comes back she's wearing a large pair of pants and a big t-shirt. I feel the need to explain her why I own such clothes, for some reasons I don't her to think that they belong to an ex-lover. "When I feel gloomy there's nothing more that I like that walking around in clothes twice my size and eat some ice cream in front of a sappy movie."

She just smiles in response. "I hope your couch is comfy," she breaks the silence.

"It is, but the bed in the spare room might be comfier," I reply before showing her the room. "If you need anything at all, just ask."

"Sure."

I nod and then go in my room. When I'm lying down I am immediately soothed by the knowledge that Sara is not too far away from me, for the first time since long I fall asleep in no time.

…

"Cath, wake up…it's alright…"

"No!" I wake up in cold sweat, disoriented and shaking. I start to debate myself when I feel hands on my shoulders.

"Cath…Cath, it's me...it's alright…you're safe…we are safe…"

"Sara?" I'm surprised to see her.

"It's alright you're safe," she repeats. "I'm here."

She wraps her arms around me and I clutch on her as hard as I can, silently wishing for her to take the pain and the bad dreams away.

"Cath, you're shaking…calm down…" she starts to rock me back and forth gently. "I got you…you're alright…"

She caresses my hair to assuage me. When the tremors subside she pushes us into a lying position, never letting me go of her embrace. She keeps her soothing motion. My head is resting on her shoulder and I'm closing my fist on her shirt, holding her tight.

I let the feeling of safety washing over me, just enough so I can close my eyes and let the sound of her heartbeat lull me back to sleep.

…

When I open my eyes I find myself alone in bed.

"Sara?" I call softly. I sit up and rub my eyes, looking around but I don't see any signs of her. I drag myself out of bed and walk unsteadily to the guess room. "Sara?" I call again, but all I find is a bed made neatly but no Sara. I make my way to the living room "Sara," again, no response.

I find her spare change fold on her back of the couch. To say that I feel empty would be the understatement of the century. I don't think I would have felt worse is someone had opened my chest and taken my heart out. She left.

I suppose that payback's a bitch. One would think that it's not as bad as when I did it, because we had had sex before hand but I disagree. What we shared earlier was even more fragile and meaningful – at least to me. I feel used, hurt and empty.

So this is how she felt uh? Used, empty and broken…damn I was feeling like crap before but now that I taste my own medicine I have to say that I feel worst.

I had it coming. That's the thought running through my head as I make myself a mug of coffee. I barely take a sip when I notice the time "Shit!" I curse, against my will tears fill my eyes. Funny how, when you're hurt the smallest thing becomes the world worse drama. I'm already running late for work and I feel like I was about to die.

I run around the house and hurry my daily routine. When I arrive to the front door, it's only then that I notice a note tapped on it.

'_We've been called in earlier, I told Grissom you needed rest so you can join whenever you're ready._

_Sorry I had to go like this. Thanks for everything, see you at work._

_xo _

_Sara.'_

I chuckle before closing my eyes as tears of relief escape along my cheeks. And here I was thinking that she was giving me the payback I deserved, but no, this is Sara, for some reason she's better than I am and ever will be. I feel my heart contracting itself in my chest, in time like these I feel like I don't deserve her...

It'll never cease to amaze me how good of a person she is. So many times I know that I would have blown up in her face had the parts been reversed, but her, she just keep on caring, and never really give up. I screwed up badly but she was there for me in a heartbeat, and something happened, she struggled with her feelings, but they are real and still there. I'm sure that if I'm patient enough and prove her the realness and depth of my feelings, then maybe she'll let go.

I might still have a chance after all.

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**Mojo had the good grace to leave me with ideas before disappearing again so I shall be back soon hopefully.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Howdy! I'm back with the update, thank you so much for all your reviews, you always, always make my day :) and i'm grateful for that beyond words.**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**ps: **scuby**, thanks for everything as always ;)**

Max**, thanks for helping me in my researchs ;)**

SamSidle82**, i'm still learning deutch but i won't even try to express myself in that language it'll be awful, so don't worry about your english I get you just fine, thank you ;)**

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Chapter 16

I wake up in cold sweat and out of breath.

"Mom? You're okay?"

I need five seconds to make out my surrounding.

I'm home, I'm safe.

"Mom?" Lindsey's worried voice resounds again.

"Uh…yeah baby, I just had a bad dream."

"Are you okay? You were screaming."

"I'm…yeah I'm alright…I'm sorry if I woke you up…" great it happened again. "Come here baby, I'm sorry," I sit up and open my arms to her. She rushes into my embrace.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asks with a weak voice, tightening her hold on me when she feels me shaking.

"Yes, baby, don't worry," I kiss her crown, I move us to a lying position so I'm spooning her from behind, her back against my thundering heart. I'm not sure who's comforting who. Sara's words echo in my mind, I hold tight onto Linds, feeling sanity slowly coming back as she's keeping me grounded.

I start to play with her hair in a delicate motion, like I used to do when she was younger.

"I thought you had left me," she says in a whisper. "I called you and you wouldn't answer, then I called Aunt Nancy and she said that she hadn't any news from you…and I thought you had abandoned me for good…"

"Sweetie, why would you think something like that?" I'm stunned by her confession. I squeeze her a little and kiss her head again.

"I don't know…I know that I'm not the best daughter ever and that I was hard with you and I thought that maybe you were fed up"

"Baby, no…"

"Daddy used to say that…that if I wasn't nice enough maybe you two will give up on me…so when you disappeared…I thought you were punishing me…"

I swear if Eddie wasn't dead already, I'd kill him right now. How could he possibly think that it was something to say to his daughter? I mean he loved her more than anything that I know, but I also know that when he was upset he could say the most stupid things, I had just hoped that he could use his brain when talking to his daughter.

"Sweetie, I'll never, never give up on you or abandon you, you hear me? I'll never do this, I love you baby and yes sometimes you and I have a hard time together, but that's normal. We'll fight again in the future and we won't always agree on things, but it doesn't mean I love you less, it just means that we have to work on the issues, I need to accept that you're growing up but sometimes you need to understand that in spite of everything you still need me and that I'm doing what I think is best for you."

I kiss her shoulder several times and rock her gently. "I don't want you to ever think I'll abandon you, it won't ever happen. I love you, and I can't live without you baby."

She nods and cuddles herself closer to me, taking one of my hands and holding it against her heart. I guess I had never understood how this whole event had affected her.

We stay silent, enjoying the closeness, those moments of mother and daughter intimacy are rare now that she has started to claim her independence, though I must say that ever since I came back she re-evaluated her need for motherly affection and I certainly won't complain about that.

"How about some ice cream?" I ask her suddenly.

"Right now?" she's surprised.

"Yeah."

"It's almost two in the morning."

"So?"

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asks suspicious.

"Well it's Friday, you don't have class tomorrow, I'm craving for an ice cream…so what do you say?"

"Cool," though I can't see her face I know she's smiling.

We disentangle ourselves, stand up and start to head to the kitchen. I ruffle her hair softly, and wrap my arms around her shoulders before kissing her head. "Just don't rat on me to Grandma, I don't want any lecture about how not healthy this is," I beg and she giggles in response.

We take bowls and ice cream out of the freezer, before sitting next to each other at the table. I moan of pleasure at the first spoon of chocolate teasing my tongue.

We start to talk about memories, laughing good heartedly. It makes me so happy to be able to have an open relationship with my daughter. And if it's not always a smooth ride, I have to say that we're always making progress in the communication department.

"Mom?" her expression suddenly becomes more serious.

"Something's wrong, baby?"

"Can I ask you serious questions?"

"You know you can always ask me anything," I assure her.

"Well…you never talk about what happened…you know…when you and Sara lost yourselves…and I know you might never give me details not to worry or traumatize me but…I wanted to ask if the bad guys…well…did they, hum, hurt you?...I mean, did they assault you?" she struggles with her words.

I gulp with difficulty, the memories of Kyle unwanted touches on my body making my skin crawl. "No, sweetie…one of them tried, but I defended myself and escaped the first time and the second time, Sara saved me," I confess her honestly.

She nods and lets out a sigh of relief. "Good…I asked, because in your dreams you always beg someone not to do 'this' to you…so I wondered."

I knew my nightmares were frightening her, I suppose that waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your mother screaming is most likely spooky, after all I'm the one supposed to comfort her, I can't really do that if I'm the source of her worry now, can I ?

"I was really scared to lose you for good," she whispers staring at her bowl.

"So was I. I thought about you every minute and the only thing I found reassuring is that I had told you that I loved you before you went away with Gram. And I'm eternally grateful to Sara because she made sure I'd make it out."

Silently, Linds stands up and comes to me. She hugs me, hooking her arms around my shoulders while I circle her waist. No words are needed, we just share love through this embrace. She sits down after a moment.

I take spoon of ice cream out of her bowl before sticking my tongue to her, I know she hates when I do that, but she just giggles at my childish behaviour.

"So…you and Sara are like…lesbians together now?"

I choke on my ice cream, I definitely hadn't seen that one coming. I cough a few times before composing myself again. I'm about to ask her where did her question come from when she speaks again.

"I saw you sleeping together the other day. I had forgotten a book here so Aunt Nancy dropped me, and I checked to see if you were there and I saw you. I'm not five anymore, and I know that adults don't really do sleep over so…are you two lesbians?"

My daughter is smart indeed. Lucky me we already had many talks about sexuality so the embarrassment is partially gone.

"Wow…I don't know if Sara is a lesbian, I mean I can't answer that one for her, and I know that saying I am wouldn't be completely true. I mean, you know I've had boyfriends before and I do like men…but I also like women."

Now that's a first, confessing to my daughter that I don't only like men. I knew it would happen one day. She's old enough to understand and I'm fairly certain to have taught her to be open minded.

"Baby, you know how I tell you that things aren't always either black or white…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, there are many shades of grey."

"Well, it applies to sexuality as well. It's nice to be able to put a name on things, heterosexual or homosexual, and it's important at first, because it helps to find an identity. You will figure things out on your own and in your own time about who you like the most. Then you'll grow up a little more and you'll learn that the labels, straight, gay, lesbian, aren't that important once you know who you are. That being said you should never limit yourself or your feelings to those labels, because in the end I think that most important for you is to follow your feelings. If you follow your heart it can't be wrong," I tell her in all honesty.

"So if I understand, what matters are the feelings, not so much the gender of the person who elicits them."

"Yes, at least that's what I think."

"So tomorrow if I tell you that I'm in love with a girl, you'll be okay with it?"

I sigh with a chuckle. "If tomorrow you tell me that you're in love with anybody I'll be bordering the panic attack. It'll be yet another evidence of you growing up and me growing old."

"Mom, come on…" she chuckles.

"Seriously though, I'll always respect your feelings, and if they lead you to a girl then I won't be anyone to judge. I'll always love you with all my heart," she nods.

It would kind of hypocrite from me to give her a speech about being open and finding her identity, and then tell her that I'd have a problem with her if it turned out that she like girls. Besides it would be the pot calling the kettle black.

"I know you're entering the time of your life where you need to figure a lot of things out, you'll experiment a lot trying to find answers, but mark my words, as long as you're following your feelings then it won't ever be wrong."

"I like that," she nods lost in thoughts. She puts another spoon of ice cream in her mouth before taking some more from the pot. "You haven't answered my question though," she states.

"And here I thought I had managed to sidetrack you," I roll my eyes.

"I understand what you just said about sexuality and all…but I also know that what I saw was something. So you and Sara are together now?"

"No, we're not," I sigh.

"But you want to be with her," she says matter-of-factly.

"Yes, I do."

She nods. I am always opened with Linds, I always have. I know that in a future not so far away, I'll have to tell her about drugs and such, and my past. I don't intend to lie or hide anything, she's now old enough to understand everything.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"Like you loved Daddy?"

This is the only white lie I ever told her. Like I said, I never loved Eddie, I mean, never really loved him. But I taught Lindsey that marriage and love were an item, because that's how it should be.

"No, differently. You can't love two people the same way. I'm a different person than when I was your father, so I love differently."

"If you love her, why aren't you with her then? She doesn't want to be with you?"

"I think she does, or at least at some point she did but…I hurt her and her feelings. I hurt her deeply."

"You didn't apologize?"

"I did, but now she's afraid I'll hurt her again, so I have to prove her that I won't and that I'm worthy of another chance."

"Okay," she looks at me with understanding and focus on her ice cream again.

"Would it bother you if Sara and I were together?" I ask her.

She shrugs. "I don't know," she gives it a thought. "I guess not, I don't really know Sara, but she seems nice. If it makes you happy then I suppose I'm okay with it, as long as she doesn't hurt you."

I nod. "I can't predict the future, I don't know if her and I will ever be together even though that's what I want, but if it happens we'll talk about it again if you want."

"Cool," she finishes her ice cream.

We talk some more and then she yawns.

"Morpheus' calling, go brush your before going to bed," I order her gently kissing her head and standing up to clean the kitchen. She doesn't protest and go do as she's told.

Ten minutes later, when the kitchen is clean and my teeth are brushed, I decide to go kiss her goodnight but to my surprise she's not in her room. She's lying on her side in my bed. I smile and shake my head before joining her. I wrap my arms around her and cuddle her to me, kissing her head. "Goodnight baby," I whisper.

"Night mom," she mumbles

I close my eyes, content to have my baby in my arms. It's not long before Morpheus guides me to dreamland.

…

I'm sitting on the break room couch reading the file of the case I'm working on as well as some documentation I found.

"Hey Cath, you found something on your side?" Sara asks entering the room before sitting next to me.

It's been two weeks since we slept together, I can positively say that we're a bit closer but she's still keeping me at distance though. We talk more and she's giving me more attention, sometime we share an awkward silence or an intimate touch but then she immediately back-pedals.

"Not really, according to doc's preliminary exam, Mr. Tobin died from an anaphylactic shock. Problem is to know which bugs to put the blame on. He has different marks all over his body. He was working on a laboratory with all kind of venomous bugs and species in order to find remedies."

"Yeah, but we spoke to some of his colleagues, he was rather careful."

"Uh-huh, and we don't know if he was allergic to anything."

"Seeing the different bite marks, the shock could have been provoked by many things."

"He wasn't in charge of the snakes so I ruled them out. However we'll have to check if he worked with the spiders recently."

"Hooray…" Sara says without enthusiasm. "I can't wait."

"I'm sure of that," I chuckle.

"What were you reading?"

"I made some research about bees. Do you remember that case we had some years back? One jury died from an anaphylactic shock. First we looked for peanuts but it turned out to be a bee."

"Yeah, I remember…my knees too," she jokes. "But he was allergic to almost everything, one peel of peanut provoked a crisis and forced him to use his adrenaline shot, which in the end doomed him because he didn't have any more when the bee stung him."

"I know, but here's the thing…Jonas," she stops and looks through the file to find the name. "Daveson, Jonas Daveson confirmed that the bees were excited and aggressive so Tobin could have been victim of an attack."

"Bees only sting as a last resort or if the queen and the swarm are directly threatened. When a bee stings you it dies, because the shape of the stinger is made in such a way that it sticks to the skin therefore the upper body of the bee literally detached itself from the abdomen down."

"Mother Nature is cruel, why giving them a stinger is using it kills them?" I state.

"Actually, what's left of the bee deliver a pheromone which will alert the rest of the swarm of the danger, and you'll most likely be attacked by all the worker bees. You know the bees are only dedicated to their queen. The workers don't mind dying as long as the queen is safe," I nod to the information.

"So if I follow you, we would have found bees 'cadavers' is her had been attacked by more than one."

"Yes," she smiles. "Now I remember seeing ants not too far from the body but I didn't give it much thought then, because they were in a box…but thinking about it…"

"Ants?" I chuckle. "You're not serious."

"Oh I am, if I'm not mistaking they were red fire ants."

"Ok, but admitting he was bitten by ants I'm not sure it'd have kill him."

"The bite no, but the sting could have."

"Wait, we're talking about ants here."

"My point, the bees and the ants live pretty much in the same fashion and they defend themselves the same too. The ants bite you to have a grip on your flesh then they use their stinger to inject poison, unlike the bees though, they can sting you repeatedly, seeing how many marks he has on him it could have been an attack of ants."

"I can't believe you ate those," I exclaim.

"Hey, now, I didn't eat red ants, and I have to say that mixed with banana, I didn't taste anything."

"Yuk," I laugh softly.

"Yeah, yeah," she shakes her head softly.

"I always knew this moment would arrive," I state.

"What are you talking about?"

"I knew that one day Grissom would rub off badly on one of us, I had bet on Nicky or Greg, but not you actually."

"Smartass," she laughs softly and I feel my stomach flutters at the sound. "It's Griss alright, but it was in the book he gave me."

"He gave you a book about bugs?"

"Yep, it was a present on my first year here."

"He never gave me a book about bugs…the books he gave me were about cooking…"

"I guess he subtly meant to tell you that your cooking skills..."

"Choose your next words carefully," I warn her.

"…were good enough for you to upgrade them," she stifles a laugh.

"Sneaky bastard…I want a book about bugs too!" I pout.

She chuckles and returns her attention on the pictures of the file "So, if we can determine if he's been attacked by bees, ants and probably spiders, we could have our murder weapon."

"I hope so."

We study the file in silence, looking at the different bite marks.

"Lagoon blue," she suddenly says.

I turn to her in confusion. "What?"

"Lagoon blue," she repeats. "That's my favorite color."

I feel oxygen leaving me, as my brain connects the dots. She's not tearing her eyes from the pictures.

In the car, when I explained her why I had left and what feelings she elicits in me, I asked her questions and she never once brought the subject back on the table and now…

"It's a light blue, subtly mingled with some light green, it's really a magnificent color," she continues. I'm still at loss for words. She turns to me and looks at me intently. "Your eyes kind of have that shade when you're lost in thoughts, I think it's beautiful, your eyes are beautiful, so expressive, and the color…changing subtly according to your mood." her gaze is intense.

She shifts her attention back on the pictures in her hands. My eyes are glues on her and my heart starts to go crazy at her words. I'm barely starting to process them when she speaks again.

"You know I think those marks are strange, I'm starting to think that Tobin had a little help to have an anaphylactic shock…namely a needle. I'm going to go back to see Doc at the morgue so have his opinion," she stands. "I'll page you if I got something new. See you later," she throws over her shoulder as she leaves the room.

I'm left to wonder what the hell just happened.

…

Days pass by and at the most unexpected times Sara starts to tell me something about her, every time it happens I don't have time to react or to process. She talks about her and then says something about me that touch me deeply. I could get used to it by now, but I'm not, sometimes two days in a row pass by without her saying anything and then she says something at odd times.

Now I know why she chose Harvard, or when she lost her first tooth or what is her favorite Disney movie. I also know little details I would have never thought about.

I'm confused to say the least. I don't know what that means. Does it mean that she's giving me a chance? Does this mean that we're taking a step forward?

And she never gives me time to reply and the next moment I see her it's like nothing ever happened. She's driving me crazy.

It's been a week since the last time she gave me new information about her. Today we decided to review a case together at her place. I know it's weird but Grissom sent us home though we are on call, and since Linds is still at school we decided to keep working outside of the lab, reviewing our notes and theories. It's the first time I'm back at her place since I left that fateful night, Sara didn't seem bother to invite me in. I have to say that since that day we did make progress, even though I can't define our relationship myself.

"…so what did you find on our vic when you went there?" she asks.

We are sitting on her couch a reasonable distance between us fumbling with our notes.

"There's more to our vic than meets the eye. Apparently he likes to parade around as a she and hit the club…which could be a motive…" I start.

"Dark blue," she says with a frown cutting me off.

"Beg your pardon?" I ask a bit off balance by her words.

"I used to have my hair shorter than Greg and I dyed it in dark blue," she elaborates.

Not again…I'm sick of this game, I'm going to break this cycle this time.

"It was…" she continues but for once my brain catches up quickly and I decide to speak.

"You know what?" I stand. "Just stop it…stop it. I'm tired of this."

"What do you mean?" she asks genuinely.

I suppose she thought we had silently agreed on this little game of hers.

"All of there random things you keep throwing at me out of the blue," I start to pace like I was prisoner of an invisible cage.

"I'm just giving you answers," she states calmly.

"Answers? To what?"

"To questions you asked me."

I pause in my motion and look at her. "So you've decided that you're just going to answer them at random times…while we're standing over a body…while we're checking something under the microscope…"

"You're the one who said you wanted to know those things…"

"And I do want to know…just not like this…I mean…"

"You know what? Forget it," she stands too and I can see that she's getting angry.

I refuse to let go this time though, I don't like feeling like I was being lead on or, that I don't know where I'm standing.

"No, there's no forgetting it," I tell her firmly. "What's going on Sara? Why are you suddenly so forthcoming?"

"You said you wanted to know so I'm giving you answers, that's it. I guess it was a bad idea after all…don't worry, I won't do it again," she sighs.

"I don't want you to tell me because I want to know, I want you to want to tell me those things," I clarify my point.

"If I didn't want you to know, I wouldn't have said anything."

I don't think I can keep on like this, keep on going with little meaningful moments between us yet never knowing where we stand or what they mean. I want us to have a relationship, I don't want to have to guess what she means, I don't want unsaid anymore. It hurts to much swim in this constant uncertainty.

I turn around and lean on against the bar of her kitchen. When I speak my voice is quiet and even. "I can't do this anymore Sara…"

"Do what?"

I sigh and shift my position so I'm facing her. I motion the two of us with a back and forth movement of my hand "This."

"What do you mean?" for the first time I can see her emotions coming to the surface. I never doubted the fact that she cared about me, but what's going on isn't healthy, at least I don't think it is.

I grab my jacket and put it on. I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm going to let her know everything again clearly after that…the ball will be in her court, but at least I'll know where this is going. I'll know if I have to bite back my feelings and choke with them or if I actually have a chance with her.

"I want more…more than random answers to questions I asked you weeks ago," I say, grabbing my purse.

"What do you want from me?" she asks a bit angry. "You said, you wanted to know me, and that's what I'm giving you…I tried to understand, I really tried, and now…what do you want from me?" her voice softens and I can see in her eyes that she's lost and probably as scared as I am.

I walk to her and stop when we're only inches apart. "From you?" I echo her words. "Nothing," I answer and confusion doubles in her brown eyes. I smile softly and shake my head a bit. "It's what I want with you, Sara," I elaborate never leaving those expressive orbs of hers.

I want her. I want a relationship with her, I want something real and that will last.

I put my hand on her cheek and caress it softly with my thumb. "I want breakfast in bed with you for no reason…I want to climb in the shower with you, to save water of course…" I chuckle as blush grace my cheeks. "I want to wash the dishes with you and watch you help Linds doing her homework…I want to cuddle on the couch with you when we're watching TV…I want to listen to you argue with a salesman over the price of a car we want to buy for Linds…' like I said, I want her for the long run, no doubt about it. "I want a lot with you Sara…but from you I don't want anything…"

She's looking at me completely speechless, I see a myriad of emotions dancing in her eyes, I'm even fool enough to believe I saw love for a split second.

I lean in and capture her lips with my own and feel her trying to pull away at first, but I don't let her. I suck her bottom lips and she starts to respond to me. She opens her mouth and darts hr tongue out to meet mine shyly. I taste her lips quickly and pull back. Though the kiss was tender I'm panting for my heart is racing in my chest.

I lock my eyes with hers again, silently giving her my whole heart. "The only thing left here to do is for you to figure out what you want," my voice is a mere whisper. I rest my lips on her one last time before turning around and walking to the door, leaving her motionless on her spot.

I close the door of her apartment behind me and let out a deep breath.

Ball's in her court now.

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So I'm also a junky for discovery channel documentaries...but in my defence I'd say that ants and bees are very interesting creatures.

**Thanks for reading.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Howdy everyone! I know it's been really long since the last update, but there's a reason why I spent some extra time on this chap…**

**Enjoy,**

**So ;)**

**Ps **scuby** thank you so much for all your help, you're the best ;)**

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**Chapter 17**

"Gil?" I call him softly as I give a gentle knock to his door. He finishes scribbling on his notepad before looking at me above his glasses.

"Catherine, how may I help you?"

"I was wondering if Greg or Sara could give us a help," I ask nonchalantly, not betraying my yearning need to see Sara.

It's been a week that I haven't seen her. The lab has been overloaded with work so everyone has been working on the different shift according to the needs. Last I heard Sara was helping day and swing, unfortunately when I made it to those shifts she was either on a few hours break or had been called in a different one.

I miss her.

Not only that, last time I left her, I asked her to make a choice, to let me know what she wants. I figure that space was needed between us, but I miss her, I miss having her around, I miss my friend and I'm scare shitless that I might lose everything. I gave her my heart on a platter and I'm desperately hoping that no matter what she decides she won't crush it.

When I think about it there's a part of me that has good hope, I mean she wanted me to know things about her and all…but at the same time I don't feel like she really understood where I stood, I told her so, and I also told her what I wanted. I don't regret my choice I know it's for the best, but the less I hear about her and the more I'm telling myself that in the end I was right when I said that whatever was between us was just a by product of the ordeal we've been through.

"Hmm sorry, neither of them can," he answers. I frown a bit, it's probably he first time he denies me help. "They are both away at a seminar, they won't be here of all week. They apply for it months ago, it's on the calendar," he says slightly surprised that I wouldn't know.

I never watch that stuff except when I'm going to seminars myself.

"If you really need someone, Simon and Hudson from swing shift are assuring the replacement."

"Yeah, okay," I answer absentmindedly.

I walk out of his office feeling disappointed.

It's funny, I've never have so much feeling for a person that their mere presence can make me feel elated. The only thing I can compare those feelings to is addiction. I need to see Sara to feel okay, I need a daily fix. I've never been so much into someone that the simple fact to smile at them and have them returning me the smile makes me feel higher than any drugs could.

And yet another long week to go without any fix…

...

Sara came back about two weeks ago and yet except the three times I had a glimpse of her in the corridors I haven't had a chance to talk to her. She's been working on day shift ever since she came back, I'm telling myself it's just temporary but I'm starting to fear it is not. I'm starting to fear that she asked to change her shift in order to avoid me.

I called her several times and she never answered nor returned the calls. Then the only time I had an opportunity to speak to her she looked at me coldly, I smiled but she just walked away.

Actions speak louder than words so I've been forcing myself to slowly accept that she doesn't want to be with me. What bothers me though is the possibility that I might have lost a friend.

Nancy was right, love turns your life upside down and…well I'm screwed.

What irony, I had to actually fall in love with someone who doesn't feel the same. Love's a bitch.

...

I took some days off from work. Work has been exhausting, add to that the fact that I haven't been able to get my sleep rate back to normal again, and the fact that my feelings have been draining some of my energy, needless to say a little break is welcomed.

I stand to put the book I was reading back into its shelf, turning to go to the kitchen I see a car out of the window which reminds me of Sara's. I chuckle to myself, lately there aren't so many things that don't remind me of Sara.

I go to the front door and step out, thinking that some air might be good for me, it might help me to get over my 'Sara craving'.

I'm taken aback when I see Sara sitting on my front stairs watching ahead of her. I leave the door lightly ajar behind me a sit down next to her. She doesn't move or give any sign to acknowledge my presence. I glance at her and that's when I notice a bag next to her.

"You're…uh…" I clear my throat. "You're going somewhere?"

She turns to me, surprised that I'm here and a bit confused at my words. I nod in direction of her bag, she looks at it and then back at me, but doesn't answer. She loses herself again in her contemplation.

"I've been thinking," she starts after a long silence.

"That's never a good thing," I chuckle lightly.

She snorts and smirks. "I've been thinking about…'us'?" she asks more than says.

"Us?" don't get your hopes up Cathy, stay cool.

"Yeah…I suppose there's an 'us'… somewhere."

"Oh," I nod slowly. "So…how this bag you have besides you fit in with 'us'?"

Once again she avoids the answer. "Those things… you said you wanted…" I nod "I want it too…but…"

I stand. "Of course…" I mutter. "Of course there's a 'but'…let me guess…you can't, right?"

"You hurt me so bad…" she frowns and her tone is slightly defensive. She shakes her head a bit. "I understand things…but…it hurts."

"And you didn't hurt me Sara?" I reply sharply.

"When? After you hurt me?" she replies and I sigh. "I'm not for that….for hurt…what if you panic again? Where does that leave me?"

"Wait…what are you saying here?"

"Are you sure of what you want?" once again she avoids my question keeps on her tracks. "I mean…why would I want to have my heart crushed again? You know…"

I feel anger rising. "Sara, if you're only here to tell me that I'm going to hurt you, well, then…I don't understand why you're here."

"I'm asking…if you're sure about what you want?"

"Do you really think you need to ask me that?" my voice softens a bit.

"This…" she motions the two of us in a back and forth movement of her finger "…makes me vulnerable and insecure," she does look fragile saying that. "So it might seem stupid for you but for me…"

"You know what…" I start, if she can't trust me then we're pretty much screwed.

"Spare clothes," she states.

"What?" I gap a few times, not understanding where that came from.

"In my bag….there are spare clothes and the necessities," she elaborates.

"Necessities?" I repeat.

I know for a fact that there are no seminars going on, so it's actually worse than I thought.

"I see….so you're leaving…you're running away because you can't deal with it…deal with 'us'…" I nod repeatedly in a nervous way.

"I know what I want…"

"It's cool, I understand…" I keep on. I don't want to hear the many reasons why she can't or doesn't want to be with me.

"…and whether or not I show it…being apart from you…kills me…" I stop my rant as my brain catches up with her words. "Somehow ever since out second kiss…you…made your way so deep in here," she points her heart. "So deep in here that…most of the time I feel like those feelings were going to kill me…"

I wrap my arms around myself feeling suddenly very exposed. "What are you saying, Sara?"

"It sounds crazy, I know…I mean conventional relationship goes through courtship, dating and then…you know…but then again nothing has ever been conventional when it came to us…I want the courtship and the dating and all too…but I figured it didn't matter much if we did everything backward…I mean…I need to be with you…I need to be with you…" she struggles with her words.

My eyes are wide open and my heart is beating hard and fast. I'm afraid to be imagining all this, surely she's not saying what I think she's saying.

"Of course…there are factors I hadn't thought immediately about coming here…namely Linds…it kills me that we are apart…but I can wait for the right time for her to come…"

"Sara…" I put my hands up. "Slow down, slow down…what are you saying?" I'm sounding like a broken record, I realise that but I'm afraid to understand what she means, afraid that I'm probably crazy and reading too much here.

"I want us to be…together…I mean... together," she looks at me intently.

So I'm not hallucinating, she's really saying what I thought she was.

Not only does she want to be with me, she wants to move in…right now.

This is crazy…no this is bordering dementia, I mean…what the hell….okay I need to breathe. She can not be serious, I mean…she can't right?

Wow.

This is crazy, big time crazy.

I love her, and it's safe to say she loves me back. I did tell her that I wanted to be with her in the long term, maybe not in those terms but I know she got me right, it didn't seem so crazy to me then. I mean, this is what I want.

Yeah, but she's talking about a big step here.

She's got a point though nothing has ever been conventional with us. We never played by the rulebook so why starting now?

Hmm…I don't know…because it's crazy? Then again I'm crazy about her, big time crazy.

I'm crazy about her.

She wants to move in., to be with me. I want to be with her all the time. It's a big step alright but how bad can it be? I mean we've already seen the worse of each other so it can't really go downhill any further, can it?

This is crazy…

We've always shared that in common Sara and I, we never do anything by halves. If you're going to blow yourself up, might as well aim for the sky, right? Plus, if it's too soon we can still slow down.

This is utterly crazy, and at the same time it's typically us.

She stands. "This is what I want…among other things," she shoves one hand in her pocket and grabs her bag with the other. "Like I said…it's crazy, I know," she chuckles and shakes her head a bit before looking at me again. "I can wait…I'm patient," she shrugs and smiles at me.

There are so many emotions in her eyes, and I know she can see my own emotions mirroring hers.

My heart is pounding so hard in my chest, speaking words that can only be understood by someone else's heart…Sara's heart.

"I'm not," I reply not blinking.

I take her bag, putting my hand over hers and wait until she lets go. I grab her other hand in mine and entwine our fingers. I break the eyes contact and lead her back in the house. I close the door behind us.

She let's me guide her into the house without any resistance. I lead us to my bedroom and then let go of her hand feeling the loss tingling my skin. I walk to my closet and open it, hard to believe but it's not full, I gently drop the bag in front of the closet and show her the two empty shelves.

"I'll make more room for the rest of your stuffs…the two last drawers are empty," I point the other furniture in the room. She nods in a little motion. "And if it's still not enough, there's one more closet in the guess room," I smile nervously.

This is actually happening.

"I'll let you sort it out," I add before stepping away of the closet. She comes next to me, opens her bag and put her neatly folded clothes on the shelves.

I'm three steps out of the room when I come back on my tracks and watch her while she's still facing the closet.

"What other things?" I ask.

She turns around and looks at me a bit confused.

"You said…'among other things', what other things?"

She walks closer to me. "I want…to spray you with the hose of the kitchen sink in the middle of doing the dishes…" I chuckle. "I want to flirt with you, tickle you when we should get ready for work…" she takes a step closer. "I want to argue with Linds about her curfew knowing that you and I are on the same wavelength…" she steps front again. "I want to be there for her as much as she'll allow me…"

She's as close to me as can be. "I want to make love to you and not having to worry as to why you're not at my side when I wake up…"

"Sara…" she silences me with her fingers delicately on my mouth

"Shhh…I know…" when she's sure that I won't speak she goes on. "I want to give everything I have to make this work on the long term…I want to be the person you want and need me to be…" she caresses my face in a feather like manner. "I want to be the right person….the one for you…" I can feel my bottom lip quiver. "I want to show you that this 'us' is right…among other things…"

Her lips are almost on mine. I couldn't speak even if my life depended on it. She smiles and then her lips are on mine.

It's like I could feel myself literally flying. The kiss is sweet and yet it holds so much. Her hands gently frame my face as mine hold onto her waist. She pulls back and we lost ourselves in each other's eyes. She smiles and takes my breath away, it's a smile she never offered me before, and if I hadn't already fallen for her, I'd fall right now at the sight of her smile.

I give her an Eskimo kiss and then lean in again to capture her lips. The kiss makes me light headed and there's this warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach. My knees buckle and I stumble a bit but she holds me and we laugh in our kiss. Her tongue delicately seeks entrance in my mouth. As I feel her tongue teasing mine, my legs completely turn into jelly and I guide us to the bed for I know I won't be able to stand any longer.

We refuse to break the kiss though so we fall half on the bed, our legs still out, but we don't mind the position, already too lost in what's more important, our kiss.

The kiss is slow and exploring, this is the first time that we can truly focus on nothing but the kiss. I could stay like this forever and still feel contented.

"Mom I…oops, o-kay."

Lindsey's voice makes Sara and I jump apart. We disentangle ourselves awkwardly as if we'd been burnt. Lindsey is looking at us from the doorway, trying hard to conceal her wide smile – something tells me that I'll never live that one down.

"Sara…" she smiles at Sara who makes a sound that could be translated by a greeting, her face would make a tomato jealous. "Mom," she singsongs teasingly. She clears her throat. "I'm sorry to disturb, but I'm going to borrow you my mom for a moment Sara, I need to ask her something," she smiles, oh my daughter is a brat.

Sara mumbles what I believe to be a 'sure, no problem', and returns to her blushing.

Lindsey turns in direction of her room and I turn to Sara taking her hand. "I'll be right back," I squeeze her hand and follow my daughter.

I barely step in Lindsey's room that she starts to giggle. I sit next to her on her bed, feeling like I was the teenager and she was the adult. She has a knowing smile on her lips, and enjoys my current state of panic.

"Yeah okay…I think we need to…"I start.

"Talk yes I know."

"As you figured, Sara and I…"

"Are together now…"

"So she might…"

"Be around a lot more if not all the time, I get it."

"Are you…"

"Okay with it? I can't say I have a problem with it, plus now I have material for future blackmail," she smiles brightly as shock writes itself over my face. "I'm just kidding mom, though your face is priceless."

I shake myself to get my thoughts back in order. "I want you to…"

"…Know that you're here for me, and if anything bothers me I should come and talk to you, and no matter what you love me more than anything."

"Yes and things might…"

"Change, but I'm always your priority."

"Sara…"

"…is very nice, and I'm sure we will learn to know each other providing she survives her current embarrassment."

"Are you…"

"Going to be okay? Yes, and I'm sure everything will be fine."

"Good. Anything…"

"I'd like to ask? Actually yes, Elie is coming, we're going to go to the bookstore and I was wandering if I could spend the week end at her place, her brother has that new collection of old films and we'd really like to watch them all, or at least a big part. And yes before you ask I did my homework, and no I have no tests coming next week. So?"

"Considering your grades lately, I suppose it's fine, if you promise…"

"To be good and call you, I promise," she pouts a bit and put on her kitten look, knowing that I can't deny her when she does that. I sigh, silently admitting defeat. "Thanks mom!"

"You're a brat you know that," I chuckle.

"Yes, but you love me," she beams.

"I love you," I kiss her forehead.

No doubt my baby has grown up, sure there's still a lot to do and talk about but, the bases are settled.

The doorbell rings, interrupting our moment.

"That's Elie," she stands and starts to exit the room.

"Linds, we'll…"

"Have to talk more seriously I know. I love you mom," she winks at me.

"I love you too, baby."

I watch her going but then she reappears. "By the way, I love that smile, it suits you," my smile widen at her words.

And with that she goes to the door, and less than ten seconds later, the cheery voices of happy teenager fill the house. I stand and decide to go check on Sara. I find her sitting on the bed where I left her a few minutes ago. I sit next to her and take her hand in mine.

"Five minutes together and already busted by my daughter," I laugh nervously.

"Yeah…is she okay?"

"Oh yeah, don't worry about it."

"Like I said earlier, I can wait for the right time…"

"Sara, Linds and I talk, she knows and we'll talk again after the week end, we'll see then okay?"

"Okay," she smiles shyly.

"Think you can face her again?" I tease her. She blushes again and laughs. We stand, still hand in hand and start to go, I hold her back and kiss her briefly before leading her to the living room.

…

Once over the 'kiss incident' we had a rather good time and not awkward time with Lindsey and her friend. The girls left for bookstore about an hour ago and since then, Sara and I have been sharing a quiet time. First we cuddled on the couch and then we decided to have a nap.

We haven't talked at all, not that there's a lot to say, I think we just needed a little time to take everything in.

I've been awake for five minutes now, Sara and I are both on our sides facing each other. She's still sleeping, while I'm just watching her.

I let my hand slowly trace the lines of her face. She sighs in her sleep as my hand penetrates the jungle of her soft hair. She moans softly and blinks her eyes open.

We stare at each other, a smile graces her lip once she reaches full consciousness. She tilts her head toward my touch and shuts her eyes to lose herself in the contact.

She closes the distance between us and captures my lips in a sensual kiss. She tastes my lips, and it's not long before our tongues starts duelling together in a slow dance.

She shifts her position to hover me, one of her hands delicately undoes the buttons of my shirt, spreading it apart before touching the skin of my heaving chest. Her hand slowly goes down to my stomach, the way her eyes are attentive to my every reaction is like a caress over my body.

The first time we slept together there was a certain desperation, a need to be intimate with the other, this time though, the desire is there, but there's another need, the need to explore and discover one another completely.

We undress each other and start to map each other's body meticulously. Our voices mingle in breathless moans, whimpers, and silent cries. Our hands are warm, shy but at the same time unwavering. I take my time to admire how beautiful she is and physically express her how beautiful she makes me feel.

Our hunger and seem somehow insatiable, the higher we get and the higher we want to go. For the first time of my life I wish for the night never to end, for the world to always stay still, while we are as close to each other as our bodies will allow.

We make love with our bodies, our hearts, our souls and our eyes, and for precious moments we are one.

…

Sara stirs and turns her head to the door, yawns, never leaving Morpheus' arms. I watch her from the doorway of our bedroom. She's lying on her stomach, the sheet covers her from the waist down, leaving one of my favorite parts of her anatomy exposed to my adoring eyes: her back.

We've been officially together for seven months now, I won't say it has been a smooth ride, though compared to all we've seen those past years it was relatively easy. It turned out that we agree on a lot of things, but also that there are a lot – and I do mean a lot – of things we don't agree on, so we had fights and arguments, many of them could have been the end of us. We made it through though, because there is one thing we're absolutely sure about, one thing we fully agree on: we're absolutely, utterly, completely, madly, unconditionally crazy about each other.

Of course with time we learn more about each other and our fights though passionate tend to be less frequent. One thing's for sure, life with Sara is never boring, it never falls into some kind of routine, I can only hope for it to stay that way.

"See something you like?" she mumbles, her voice thick with sleep.

"I'd say," I reply, biting my bottom lip before joining her in bed. I straddle her lower back, silently forbidding her to move. "I missed you," I tell her caressing her shoulder blades lazily with my hands , then bending to kiss her skin.

"I think I figured from the way you wore me out earlier," she says smartly. I love the smoky timbre of her voice when she just woke up.

I chuckle, biting her shoulder lightly and she moans. "I don't remember any complains."

She had to go to a three days seminar, and she came back this morning and I had to show her just how much I had missed her. Generally speaking I miss her as soon as we're apart even if she's just in the next room, so those three days were excruciating – and I don't even want to think about the phone bill.

I kiss her neck and she reaches back with one of her hand to hold my head in place. She turns a bit so we can kiss, the kiss is deep but short. I straighten up and massage her shoulders.

She sighs loudly with a low moan in appreciation "Oh, this is good," she states and I can't help beaming at her words.

"Linds called while you were asleep," I inform her.

"Oh, shame I missed her."

"She wanted to talk to you too, so she'll call back in the evening."

"Great," I can see the corner of her lips lifting up in a smile. "How is it going?"

"She arrived well, and she's excited by the program they're going to have," I sum up.

"Excellent."

Linds found a two weeks training course in dance and art. I couldn't be prouder of her, my baby girl is growing up fast and I think that she starts to see what she'll want to do in the future, and she's expending all her energy to make her hopes, ambitions and dreams come true. Of course she still has some time to figure things out, but it's so good to see her finding something that makes her happy.

My hands on Sara's shoulders seem to take a life on their own as they start roaming lower, brushing the side of her breasts teasingly, before reaching her lower back. The familiar and yet somehow always new hunger for Sara sets back in the pit of my stomach.

"I love your back," I confess her.

"Really?" she frowns, and though her eyes are close I know she's very awake.

"Uh-huh," I kiss her skin once more. "I love your scars…" Sara's back is covered with different marks. "You think I'm weird to love them?"

"No…" she replies though I can see that she doesn't understand.

"I love them, for different reasons."

We tend to forget that the people we love are vulnerable, mortal. Her scars help me never to forget.

I caress a long scar under her right shoulder blade, remembering the story behind it. Rueben and her were playing monkeys, moving from rope to rope – ropes which were attached to the surrounding trees. One rope gave up and Sara fell and a sharp rock broke her fall. "Some remind me of how reckless you can be sometimes," I bend over, my parted lips linger on her flesh I let my warm breath brush the scar before trailing my lips on it and kissing it at the end of the short journey.

Sara tenses a little and bites her lips at the sensation.

"Some remind me how you survived to dark times and that I'm indeed very lucky to have had the chance to meet you," I reverently rest my fingers on cigarette burns and other cuts, some out of many scars her parents made. I kiss them gently, delicately.

"Some, just remind me that I could lose you in a snap of fingers," with my tongue, I trace the scars left by the bullet she received in the forest and the few cuts. Those scars also remind me of how alive I am, and how much I owe it to her.

She moans and one of her fist is holding the sheet while her breathing becomes shallow and irregular.

"They all remind me never to take you for granted," I rake my teeth on her skin and she curves her back with a long whimper. "They always remind me that every moment spend with you must be cherished for they are precious," I run the flat of my tongue on some of them, this time Sara arch up and sets me a bit off balance, but I keep my position.

Last but not least and not to spoil anything, I love that it is one of her most erogenous areas of her body, but I'll keep that for myself.

My lips, teeth and tongue tease all her back, Sara calls my name softly and contracts her muscles as I awaken all her senses. I readjust my position so I'm straddling the back of her thighs. I swiftly take off my shirt before leaning against her back again. She cries out when she feels my already hard nipples on her now sensitive flesh.

My hands knowingly run over her body, communicating with Sara's body in that secret language that we are always perfecting. I grab her breasts from behind and tease her nipples, pinching them. I then kiss my way down to her legs and mark her body, with bites, she curses under her breath, and buries her head on a pillow as her voice becomes louder.

I torment her with my tongue on the back of her knees, and even from where I am I can smell her arousal which only renews my desire for her. I trail my wet muscle on each one of her thighs, bite her ass cheeks and make my way upward again until I'm completely lying down on top of her.

I bite one of her earlobes when I push my knee against her centre and slowly grind myself against her. She gasps and struggles to keep her breathing under control. Her fist is so tightly balled that her knuckles are white, a very thin layer of sweat has appeared on her skin and she's almost imperceptibly shaking.

I roll us on our side, staying behind her. I pass one arm around her neck, resting it on her chest and let my other hand sensually rove over her curves.

Sara lets out a strangled moan when I cup her for the first time, feeling her arousal coating my hand in seconds. She starts to beg me to give her what she needs and I'm more than happy to oblige.

She cries out when I'm inside her and moves her body rhythmically to adjust with the pace of my fingers. When I feel her close, I bite on her neck and suck hard on her flesh. With the hand I have on the top of her chest I can feel her heart beating hard at an erratic pace.

Her voice breaks in her throat as she reaches her release. Her whole body stiffens before shaking violently a few times.

I give her time to come back from her heights of pleasure, I kiss the now angry red mark of my teeth on her neck, she takes the hand I have around her neck and entwine our fingers tightly. When I feel she's ready, I pull my hand out of its lovely and warm cocoon. I hold her to me feeling her heart slowly returning to its regular pace. I pepper her shoulder with light kisses and affectionately rub my nose against her skin.

She let's go of my hand and turn around in my arms, then she shifts her position until the moment I'm completely lying back and she's almost on top of me.

She kisses me deeply, slowly, silently expressing me what she couldn't say with words. When she pulls back I feel tiny drops falling on my face and realize that she's crying. The concern in my eyes must be evident because she smiles immediately.

"I love you," she whispers on my lips before kissing me again.

The second time she pulls back the gleam of desire is in her eye. She takes my hand and run her tongue on my fingers, before taking each one of them temporarily prisoner of the hot cave that is her mouth.

I kiss her again, I can't keep track of what's happening as I feel her hands travelling on my body.

…

"For the last time Cath, we're not lost!" Sara laughs slowly, shaking her head.

"Oh yeah, last time I heard that, it was the beginning of trouble, so excuse my suspicions," I tease her.

"Trust me Cath, we're not lost."

"It doesn't really feel like you knew where you're going though," I keep on and she sticks her tongue at me.

She decided to take me out tonight, and I've started to be a bit sceptic when we left the limits of the city and headed to the desert. Right now I feel like she was driving aimlessly, but her expression suggests that she knows where she's going, of course she could be bluffing. I don't panic though, I know for a fact that we have a map, the GPS is fully operational and last but not least we have a jerry can full of gas in the trunk.

It's a dark and clear night in Nevada, no clouds in the sky and just enough wind. I'm about to ask Sara if we are there yet when she answers before the question passes my lips.

"Ten more minutes sweetie I promise."

I chuckle and look at the landscape passing us by.

We finally come to a stop in frond of a large building in the middle of nowhere with a wide dome.

"You took me out to an observatory?" I ask stating the obvious. "And here I thought you'd take me in the desert to watch the stars, lying on the hood of the car, while I'd hold myself at least ten minutes before ravishing you on it…again," I wink at her and she blushes as she remembers.

"Well…hold on that thought, the night's still young."

I beam at that. She takes my hand and we start to walk toward the building. "I didn't know there was an observatory in Nevada," I state. "Why do I have the feeling that it's not the first time you've come here?"

Sara grins and shakes her head lightly, I guessed it right. "There are two observatories in Harvard. I actually followed the astronomy courses along with the physics."

"You graduate in astronomy?"

"Actually I failed the last exams, and then Grissom came along and…you know," I smile knowingly. "I did manage to complete the courses and graduate on my third year in Vegas. I've always been fascinated by what's up there."

"So, are we going to contact mothership right now?"

"Really funny," she laughs softly.

We enter the building and one man greets us. "Hey Dwayne, this is Catherine, Cath that's my friend Dwayne, he works here," she introduces me to a tall man, not older than Greg, wearing a Metallica t-shirt under a light blue shirt. He has a deep green eyes, a shy smile and smooth feature, his hair are mildly long and if it wasn't for his week old beard he wouldn't look older than 18.

"Nice to meet you," he says smiling at me while gently shaking my hand.

"Nice meeting you too."

"Please be my guests," he says tilting his head toward the giant telescope.

"Come on," Sara tugs me gently.

I'm taken aback by the beauty of the sky. I never watched the stars quite like that and I have to say that my breath is literally blown away, and having Sara next to me, explaining everything is all the more exciting, I just love her nerdy side. She tells me about the life and death of the stars, explain me how their masses will determine if they'll die as a little white, a nova or a supernova. She also tells me how their colors indicate their temperature, and that against what we could think, seeing how they teach about warm and hot colors, the red stars are the coldest ones while the blue ones are the hottest. She shows me constellations and tells me about their story.

"This is amazing," I tell her after a moment.

"Wait, for the last one," she states before turning to Dwayne who's so quiet in his corner that I had completely forgotten his presence. "Dwayne, can you…?"

"Coming right away," he answers before typing on computers, entering new direction for the telescope to move like he did several times before. Once he's done he turns to Sara and winks at her. "I'll be out smoking then," he says before leaving the room.

I look at Sara quizzically, eager to know what she's up to. Sara just grins before looking through the telescope. She stays silent for a while but I can see her smiling before she pulls back.

"Alright, go ahead and look," I do as I'm told and see a new pack of stars, just as beautiful as the ones we saw before. "Do you see the slightly red one at the bottom of this group?"

"Yeah I see it," I answer, my eyes still on the telescope.

"Just above there are blue ones and light green ones."

"Uh-huh."

"Do you see the big bright one?"

"The pale yellow one?"

"That one."

"Yeah I see it, it's huge…I know I sound like a broken record, but this is truly magnificent."

"That big bright one…is named 'Catherine'."

I lift my head up and watch her sceptically. "You're pulling my leg?" I ask her with a light smile.

"Actually, I'm not, it's really its name."

I beam at my new found discovery. I look at the star again. "Well this is nice. You know I knew there were great women named Catherine, the Impress of Russia or the French Queen, but I had never heard about a star with that name. I'm named after a star…" I giggle.

"Actually you're not…"

I look at Sara again. "Well, the star's name Catherine and my name's Catherine," I state the obvious. "Of course I doubt my parents knew that when they named me but still," I chuckle.

"No, I mean, yes, what I meant is that you're not the one named after the star," she repeats, struggling for her words. "It's the other way around," she adds before handing me a roll of paper.

I frown slightly, intrigued at what's going on, take the roll and unroll it. I have to read the content at least three times to make sure that I understood it properly.

"You…named star after me?" I ask out of breath, feeling my emotions overwhelming me.

Sara smiles, "Yes, I did. It's super corny I know but…" she sighs and laughs lightly. "It's funny you teased me about losing ourselves in the car earlier, tomorrow," she glance at her watch, "Well, in a few hours now, it'll be a year since that day we got lost in the desert. I know it's weird to celebrate that day but in spite of all we had to go through I, just can't forget those days, but for very good reasons," she pauses. "I found you… we first kissed…my life took a big turn," she says never leaving my eyes.

I can feel tears gathering in my eyes, and my heart is trying to break my ribcage with its crazy pace. If it's possible Sara's look becomes more intense, taking my breath away. I can see unconditional love pouring out of her eyes.

"We've been together for almost ten months now and everyday I'm falling in love with you again. If I could hold the moon and the stars in my hand I'd take them and give them to you…I can't do that for obvious reasons, so I thought that if I couldn't go to the star then it'll come to me," she smiles nervously. "This love you give to me, the way you love me…you're like my guiding light during the dark times in my life, you're always there for me, you made everything meaningful and well, like that star you brought light into my life. And just like that star you're beautiful and unique."

My heart swells with emotions, my tears fall gently along my cheeks, I feel so much that words won't ever be able to express. I do the only thing that I know will convey completely my feelings, I put the paper safetly away, then cup her face and kiss her senseless, knowing that my kiss will translate what my heart is saying.

"I love you too," I tell her with a shaky voice once I pull back from our kiss. She beams and I kiss her again. I pull back again when my chest is burning and look at her intently before resting my forehead against hers. "We need to take the road again and drive for five minutes," I tell her.

She tilts her head back and looks at me with a slight confusion.

"I want the hood of the car to be warm when I take you on it."

She laughs, this glorious laugh of her, my favorite melody. We kiss again passionately.

We stayed to watch my star a while longer before heading back home.

On the way back I did take her on the hood of the car…and inside too.

…

After hours of lovemaking we're lying in each other's arms, still trying to be under each other's skin. I'm wrapping her side, one leg tangled with hers, my arm drape over her stomach, my head on her shoulder. She's holding me tight against her, while caressing the arm I have on her abdomen.

"I still can't believe it," I say thoughtful.

"What?" she asks softly.

"I'm your shining, burning, ball of dust and gas," I smile biting my bottom lip.

I can feel her light laugh reverberating all over her body. "You have the geekiest way to entertain the magic of romance."

We laugh together and I lift myself up a bit to dive into those intense brown orbs of hers. My expression is loving, adoring, "It was the best gift I've ever received," I confess her, my voice laced with feelings.

Some people have their star on a walk of fame, mine is up there shinning brightly thousand light-years away from us, burning intensely, just like my love for Sara is burning in my heart. Now, I have a constant reminder of that beautiful and priceless thing I have: Sara's love.

I kiss her softly. "I love you."

"I love you too, Cath," she replies before kissing me again.

I move the kiss to her neck and bite on it. She chuckles, "Be nice now."

I stop and look at her "Or what? You're going to spank me?" I smirk at her teasingly.

She rolls us over so she's now on top of me. "You think I won't do it again?" she says with a feral smile.

When her lips connect with mine again I know that even though dawn is near, as far as we're concerned our night is still young.

She was right earlier, that day we got lost marked the turn of our lives. It was the beginning of a new life for me.

And that day she came to my place with her bag in hand was something more. It was the beginning of a new era.

It was the beginning of a very crazy era… a crazy 'extremely good' era.

**The End**

* * *

**Yes**** Folks, it's over that's why it took me so much time I wanted to wrap it up properly. Ok, so the two observatories of Harvard are real, I made researches. Then either I missed it or there really is no observatory in Nevada ( closest one was in Arizona)…but I thought that since I had enough power to manipulate nature and put a forest in the middle of the desert, then my powers were good enough to put an observatory there as well :P**

**Another good ride, which I hope you enjoyed as much as I did. I'd like to thank all of you who took interest in the story and all of you who took a little time to review, it always mean the world to me, you guys are the best :) : **freddie-4884, In-between, Nico79, bene, bleed4her,Cellen8, reader; Rain Addict CM, Kirky123, chawkchic, Casara, tgz87, Gryffindo620, hotranger, chimp1984, Gentry, tanama30,Harley Quinn Davidson, Piper Gilmore, cathandsaraforever55, SamSidle82, Wizardsoul, Tiger87, CatherineWillowsCSI, Chelsee6,lanti, csi7, smishe0ne, Boulou Boulou, clarkson04, Fooly-Fool22, Sky45, Piper-Leo-alwys, jessievamp06, strawberrytears, clickclaire, BlueJaz, Em,lfromny, willowpowered, SaraCat4eva, Ponys, wee idgie, Aqua Bubbles, I.love.you.miss, angelimmortal, Buckster, Rach5, caesaraugusta, ry, Axiegirl21, CSILOTRGirl, jazzman31,Gembot, Xx.Get.Over.It.xX, Sara Lya, Bonegee, fivexfive, harassedbytheFBI, Dreade Demon of Night, CanDs, Roguex1, Maggsie, pocketninja,dolphin18paradise, hrem,cathsarafan, SaraLou, OriginalAngelStyle, Marg Ryan, JustSteph, Titpom1, 143csi4ever, eunicemax, Rachel452, goldentail, Chic-a-go-go, SenselessLust,JJ, S.L.

**I'd like to make some special mentions:**

**To **scuby **, once again if it wasn't for you there wouldn't have been any story, you challenged me into a one shot – I obviously failed the 'one shot' part of the challenge :P, and you inspired me. Thank you very much for always be at my side, guiding me, helping thinking thing through, and arguing with me, you're the best ;)**

**To **Immi**, you allowed me to use that brilliant mind of yours, and helped me through the details all along, even though you don't necessarily realise it. You rock! \m/ ;)**

**To **Max**, you help me in your way and I can hear you wondering why I'm putting this mention to you, well to thank you first and then because I can and want to. :D**

**Once again thank you all for everything, putting up with Mojo's mood, and always encouraging me with your sweet words it's thanks to you guys that I keep on doing this.**

**I'm going to give Mojo a short break – that little sparkle deserved it, and then I shall be back soon. :)**

**Thanks for reading.**


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